


Mirage

by Livingmylifeinmyhead



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Although submissive sometimes, American Levi, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bartender Eren Yeager, Blow Jobs, Bottom Eren Yeager, Bottom doesn't mean submissive though, Character's Name Spelled as Hanji, Dominance, Dominant Bottom, Dominant Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Dual Nationality Eren, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eren Yeager Swears, Eren Yeager Wears Glasses, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin) is Bad At Feelings, Like a sailor, M/M, Masturbation, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Nightclub, Physical Abuse, Rimming, Sassy Eren Yeager, Slow Burn Ish, Soldier Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Verbal Abuse, bartending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2018-12-20 18:31:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 64,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livingmylifeinmyhead/pseuds/Livingmylifeinmyhead
Summary: Eren is a sassy, fun loving bartender in a dingy nightclub,Levi is a cool, calm and collected soldier stationed overseas,They're both battling demons that are more similar than they realise, but can they help each other through or will they push each other away?The bartending, military AU that no one asked for.





	1. The look

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first ever fan fic!  
> It took a lot of self convincing to put this out there, so any feedback and constructive criticism is most welcome.  
> Updates will probably be relatively quick in the beginning, as I have the first few chapters written already, and then probably fortnightly after that. Enjoy (hopefully!)

His shoes were sticking to the floor when it happened; just a glance, but in that one glance, time seemed to slow down as their eyes locked and the silent recognition of what was happening settled. Then it was gone, the only evidence that it had occurred at all was in the palpitations of his chest and the slight tremor in his hands as he set the drinks down on the bar. Trying not to let his gaze flit over there as he concluded the transaction, eventually Eren decided that it was a futile effort and let his eyes wander to the far corner of the bar. Despite being shrouded in darkness and crammed full of drunken bodies he knew exactly where to look, and this time it was if his heart was prepared for the steely gaze that awaited his. A sly smirk played on the other man’s lips as he turned his gaze away and back to the group he was with. Eren however, could not tear his eyes from his face, roaming over every inch of him, trying to drink in the detail and submit it to an everlasting memory. Who knew if he would ever pass through here again?

The night continued on in its usual hazy blur, fringe slowly beginning to plaster to Eren’s forehead as his skin began to dampen and the tiredness started to set in. Another energy drink, spiked with extra sugar and the palpitations of an entirely different kind settled into his chest, a permanent fixture for the rest of the night. Another drunken customer, and a sharp comment to cut through the idiocy he was consistently faced with, falling into a fast and easy rhythm. Head down, hands moving in a swift and methodical manner; mix the drinks, close the sale and wipe the bar whilst turning his ear towards the next person to be served. It was because of that unfaltering rhythm that Eren almost missed him, but something niggled in his mind, urging him to look up and slightly to the right as he took the next order. There he was again, he’d almost forgotten about him; having been lost in the buzz of work, and since the man had long disappeared in the throng of people earlier, it was one of those out of site out of mind situations. The man had managed to squeeze his way to the front of the bar, and look entirely unimpressed whilst doing so. His jaw was set, and his eyes darted to either side of him in disgust. He gingerly placed his arms along the edge of the bar, fingertips touching together briefly before changing his mind and almost grimacing as he removed his arms and let them hang by his side. Eren was staring, he knew he was, but didn’t care. He didn’t need to concentrate on what he was doing anyway. The job was second nature to him. He could mix most of the drinks without thinking about it. He knew it was creepy to stare, rude in a myriad of ways. Rude to the people he was serving, and likely to cut his tips, rude to this man who probably thought that Eren was looking at him with disdain. He found that even if he looked at somebody with admiration or even lust, it came across as a kind of glare, or a deer in headlights look. There was no safe middle ground. Yet he still didn’t care, sizing the other man up. His gaze slid over dark silky hair, a beautifully structured face and small but full lips, they continued to roam over the man’s small but strong stature. He exuded power and a certain coldness, yet seemed to have an odd kind of charisma and it drew Eren in. 

He took in a small breath and licked his lips. “What can I get you?” the words falling from his mouth like they did with every other person in the bar. This guy was no different, or so he kept telling himself, but as the other man’s gaze lifted and met his own once more his breath hitched and seemed to lodge itself in his chest. This man was different though, in that one moment he knew. Was this what love at first sight felt like? No, this was something else. He knew what love felt like, and this wasn’t it…but it was something, pulling him in and under already, making him helpless in a matter of mere seconds. In that one moment the balance of his life shifted, and now he had to know more. He smiled as he leaned forward, not worried about the dampness that seeped through his sleeves as he placed his forearms on the edge of the bar, and tilted his right ear slightly towards the other man’s face. 

“A double vodka and cranberry, and a water” The voice that left his mouth was low and heavy, but laced with an unexpected warmth. “Please” he tacked on, mouth twisting slightly as he said it, as if he wasn’t used to niceties. Eren merely nodded, not quite certain of the strength his voice would hold after listening to the man speak for the first time. He didn’t want his response to be a tremor. He took his time making the drink, a pace that didn’t quite fit in with the hurried atmosphere of the bar, as he weighed over the options in his mind. Eren usually hated conversing with customers during a rush, it wasn’t the type of environment to breed any kind of decent relationship, platonic or otherwise. The pounding of the music, screams of drunken excitement and endless back bar chatter of ‘We’re out of Tequila’ ‘Yo mate pass me the card machine’ or ‘Shit grab the doorman’ rendered it impossible to get past the painful exchange of names, and even that had to be yelled into each other's ears and then forgotten almost instantly as the thundering current of nightlife swept you both away, onto the next activity. But Eren felt a need here, a longing that he didn’t even know he could feel. He bit his tongue as he finally turned around with his drinks and asked for payment with a huge grin, trying desperately to make his desire obvious. Schooling facial expressions into something that he hoped resembled lust, without the creepiness that he usually attached to it. He longed for the stranger to find him attractive in return, wanted, no, needed this man to crave him. Eren wasn’t the only one looking at him, he noted, it shouldn’t have surprised him really. He was a beautiful man, and if there’s anything drunken people love, it’s something beautiful to take home and play with. Eren let his arm pause halfway through its stretch to return his change. Gripping it tightly in his fist, and let a small flirtatious (or so he hoped) smirk play on his mouth. 

“Hey, can I get your number?” His voice came out strong and confident, with an air of indifference, like he wasn’t secretly hinging everything on the answer. The man’s brows raised ever so slightly and very slowly he tipped his chin back.

“What?” came his ineloquent response. Eren smirked and dropped the change into his open palm, leaning forward and placing his arms on the bar once more, breaking into a wide toothy grin looking directly into his eyes, losing himself in the stormy madness that he could see within. 

“Look” Eren continued, feeling his confidence strengthen. If there was anything he loved about going in for the kill, it was the surprise on people’s faces when he did it. The man hid his well, but it was definitely there. “I think you’re incredibly attractive, and I want to get to know you better; but…” He trailed off and gestured into the air, hoping he’d understand what he was trying to convey. This was definitely not the environment in which he wanted to start anything with this man…although technically it had already started here whether he wanted it to or not, but he most certainly wasn’t going to facilitate it any further. “So can I get your number?” Eren finally finished, looking at him with a hooded gaze. The man pocketed his change, leaving a small tip on the bar and turned to give the drinks to someone in his group behind him. Eren felt a small spark of despair in his chest, thinking that was it, he wasn’t even going to give him the decency of turning him down. How embarrassing. But he surprised Eren by turning back and staring at him with a delicious heat behind his eyes that definitely hadn’t been there before.

“You’re going to call me?” he asked rather incredulously. As if he couldn’t believe that Eren would want to. It dawned on him in that moment, that maybe he didn’t know how attractive he was. Maybe he was oblivious to all the people eyeing him up like a piece of meat, hoping they’d be the one to take him home.

“Or text” Eren countered, “But yeah…so is that ok?” he prompted. 

The other man scoffed and shook his head in disbelief. “Aren’t customers supposed to hit on the bartender and not the other way around?” 

Eren was starting to get irritated looks from colleagues and customers alike. It was busy and this was taking far too long. “Well I guess you got lucky then, because I saved you the effort” he huffed out, starting to feel impatient with the whole exchange. “Look, quit teasing me and just give me a straight answer. Yay or nay?” He finished childishly, as he ran his tongue briefly across his lower lip, soaking up the taste of energy drink and salt mingled from the light sheen of sweat coating his face. The beautiful stranger turned to the side slightly and smirked looking back at his group of friends, and then held out one palm towards Eren and suddenly he felt like he was being crushed by the strength of his gaze, the heat behind it running through him and lighting a fire in his belly that rushed up through his chest and left a noticeable blush on his cheeks. Eren placed his phone in the other’s hand and watched as his slim fingers deftly input his number and name into the contact list. Eren craned his neck, trying to catch the man’s name before he hit the save button but it was no use. Eren’s inner child was doing a giddy little dance, ‘Omg he’s actually giving me his number, goddamn you’ve still got it boy’. With the phone returned, the man stuck both his hands in his pockets and left the bar, expertly weaving through the throng of people, leaving Eren to watch longingly after him. Then it was as if everything snapped back like elastic, all he could hear were people calling his name, there was a sudden visual assault of customer’s waving money in his face and the bass thumping stronger than before, the vibrations coursing through his feet. 

“Eren, get your ass in the game” his colleague and best friend said, with a smirk and a wink. Although her tone was light and jovial, and she knew without an explanation, what he had been doing, Eren knew the seriousness that was held behind her words. He was slacking and she was suffering for it, and so were the tips. Eren shook his head as if that would clear it of the lingering interaction, and stuffed his phone into his back pocket lunging forward to the nearest waiting customer, slotting back into the rhythm, like the dazzling stranger had never been there to interrupt it in the first place.


	2. The look pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An awkward situation leaves Eren feeling panicked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of the same work night because we all know work drags sometimes, just like I'm dragging this out.

Krista sighed tucking her bar rag into her belt and leaning back against the fridges, relishing the ability to stop and relax for the first time in a few hours. They’d been four deep for at least the last hour, and it’d been absolute hell when one of the card machines decided it wasn’t going to play ball anymore and left them to fight over one, all whilst trying to serve several customers at once in order to keep the flow going. Eren hadn’t seen any more of the mystery customer and hadn’t yet had a chance to sneak a peek at the new name in his phone and his fingers were itching in temptation. A tall blonde man approached the bar, clean shaven, with strong features and bold eyebrows. Eren looked up briefly and smiled as he recognised the man who’d quickly become a regular over the last few months. Polite, attractive and tipped well, he was the ideal customer. Eren had thought briefly about asking for his number, but the desire hadn’t been strong enough to encourage him to follow through, so he’d fallen to harmless flirting. “’Sup Erwin, how have you been?” Eren greeted easily, leaning back and smiling widely. The tall blonde leant forward, resting his chin onto his palm, placing his elbow on the freshly wiped bar.  
“I’m good thanks Eren, trying to take it easy, you know how work can be.” His Southern twang cutting through the noise of the club. He spoke as if Eren knew all the ins and outs of his job, he was in the US military, stationed over here for the next couple of years; and in a position of relative power, but that’s all he knew, yet he always enjoyed how Erwin never doubted his ability to understand.   
Eren hummed a sound of agreement before cutting back to business. “The usual?” He asked already making a move for a glass.  
“Yeah, thanks” Erwin replied tilting his head in his palm and offering a comforting smile. The payment and tip already on the bar waiting. Eren passed him the vodka redbull and took the payment, leaving the tip until Erwin pushed it towards him. He knew it was for him, but he always felt it was rather arrogant to assume such. If a customer really wanted to tip you, they’d make sure you got it. “So” Erwin began, taking a sip of his drink, but not pulling it away from his face, speaking around the edge of the rim. He drank deeply and placed it back on the bar, cradling the cup in his hands as he hunched forward. “When are you and Krista going to come party with us?” It was the same question every week, but the charm in his voice when he asked never got old.  
“When we can both get a night off” Eren responded chuckling. It was always the same response. Krista looked over her shoulder from where she was ringing up a sale and smirked in Erwin’s direction, flicking bright blonde hair over one shoulder.  
“You guys need to hurry up and make it happen” he said as he raised his glass towards Krista in greeting. She looked over at me and rolled her eyes. We were used to having customers want to party with us, we were young and fun to be around, or so we made it seem whilst we were serving. Coming to our bar meant you were always guaranteed a laugh.   
“Sure thing Erwin” She said as she finished up with her customer and smiled lightly at me. We both knew getting a day off together wasn’t going to occur anytime soon. We were the best damn bartenders this place had, we’d been here the longest and had a great working routine. The bar suffered even when just one of us was off, so the owners had made it pretty clear a long time ago that there was no way in hell we’d both getting the night off unless it was under extreme circumstances. Erwin continued to stay at the bar, making small talk between us both as we took it in turns to serve the other customers. Eren’s back was to them, fixing a drink for another regular, when a low melodic tone hit his ears.  
“You about ready.” It wasn’t phrased as a question, it was a demand to leave. The voice; (which now in the relative quietness of the bar held a soft American drawl that he’d missed before) was most definitely belonging to his handsome stranger. He turned around almost comically slowly, willing it to not be true, but there he was standing away from the bar looking at Erwin with a decidedly annoyed glare, arms crossed with all his weight on one hip. He hadn’t taken his gaze away from Erwin and therefore hadn’t seen Eren staring with panic etched all over his features, his palms were suddenly sticky and his mouth dry, fingers trembling as he poured the whiskey into the glass, not really paying attention to what he was doing. All the while, just staring at him, waiting to judge his reaction when he realised that Eren already knew his friend, when he picked up on the flirtatious energy that surrounded them all. Erwin downed the last of his drink and straightened up placing one last tip on the bar. Raised two fingers in a type of salute towards Krista who waved goodbye, and then turned to Eren.   
“‘Til the next time then eh, Eren” he said in a devious tone, winking as he turned and placed a hand on his friends shoulder. Finally, his gaze slid over and a flash of emotion coursed through his eyes, was it jealously? Eren wasn’t sure, but he didn’t miss the subtle tightening of the man’s mouth before he turned and followed Erwin out of the door. 

“Is it really that big of a deal?” Connie asked as they were cleaning the bar, and replenishing the empty stock ready for the next night.  
“Yes” Krista and Eren both cried exasperated by his inability to grasp the situation.   
“So what? It’s not like anything actually happened with Erwin, it’s just a bit of harmless flirting, and we all do it.” He tried once again to make his point and put an end to the whining.   
“No Connie, you’re missing the point. It’s just awkward, when you know that there’s an attraction between you and his friend. Even more so when that attraction is publicly played upon. I don’t want this guy to think I’m some kind of serial flirt that’s just trying to make his way through their group.”   
Connie snorted and braced himself on the bar, preparing himself for the inevitable laughter that would follow. “But you are a serial flirt Eren.” He deadpanned.   
Eren turned to him mouth agape, trying not to break into a smile, feigning anger and hurt. “Connie!” he cried, smacking him over and over with the bar rag.   
“Don’t worry about it Eren, we all are.” He backtracked. “Kinda comes with territory, especially if we want decent tips. I’m sure he’s not even thinking twice about it, seriously quit stressing over it and just hurry up and clean this bar with me.” He huffed that last part out. Krista looked towards me with a mixture of sympathy and understanding. It seemed irrelevant, but that was a rule of the club life. You didn’t flirt with multiple people in a group. Sure you could be friendly with them all, but if there was going to be any flirtatious banter, then you kept it to one member (and Eren was already pushing the boundaries on that, thanks to one drunken night.) Customers wanted to think they actually had a shot with you, not that their flirting was a game to you, something you just did to make them deepen their pockets. If you started flirting with their friends it created discourse and ultimately could cost you good regulars. Krista understood that, she knew the rules, knew how to play the game. She’d been working the bar before it was even legal and she was damn good at what she did. She had the customers eating out of her hands, in a manner that no one else could manage. Connie was new, so they couldn’t really expect him to understand, but he had potential. They saw that, they didn’t usually like newcomers, but had decided to take Connie under their wing and help him become the bartender they know he could be, so the sooner he started listening and heeding their advice the better. Else he’d be learning the hard way. Eren sighed and rolled his tongue around his teeth, there was nothing he could do about it now. He just had to be careful about how he played his next card. He shook his head and resumed cleaning, this wasn’t something to think about now. It was nearly 4am and they were all so tired, their bones ached. He just wanted to get home, and the sooner he concentrated and finished the job, the sooner they could do that. Eren let the thoughts drop away as he wiped the sticky mess off of the bar, in time to the low music that was playing to help them unwind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> Even just putting this out here, has got me editing my writing more diligently. I've got a long way to go, but hey at least now I have more motivation.


	3. Levels of disappointment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small insight into how both the boys are feeling as Eren comes to a conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not particularly happy with this chapter, I really couldn't get it to flow how I wanted it to, but hopefully it isn't too confusing. Let me know if it made sense or not.

“I don’t want to say I told you so…” Erwin trailed off as he pocketed his wallet and took the bag from the cashier. He looked at Levi and was met with his usual indifference.

“You don’t have to tell me anything. Because I wasn’t expecting anything.” He replied, his tone indicating boredom but underneath was a hint of disappointment and he knew Erwin could hear it, he’d known him for far too long, but knew well enough to leave it alone. They walked out of the store and across the car park together the silence weighing heavy, eclipsed only by the dull thud of combat boots hitting the concrete in tandem. 

Erwin took a deep breath, knowing better than to push his colleague, but felt he needed to do so anyway. “So you say, but I just want to say it again. Just to clarify. Trust me, you won’t get anywhere with Eren. We’ve all tri...” Erwin broke off at the look Levi shot across the roof of the car as he pulled open the door. A silent question hung in the air, one that Erwin knew had been lingering in Levi’s mind ever since he’d let the small admission fall from his lips that night, so soft as if he hadn’t actually meant to say it. “I gave Eren my number”.  
“Ok, so I haven’t exactly tried, I pressed the boundaries a little when I first met him, flirted with the idea. However I gave up on it after watching numerous others get shot down, plus I think he’s a little too young for me.” Erwin caught the slight tense in Levi’s shoulders as he admitted that last part, forgetting that the age gap between Levi and Eren would be similar to his own if he engaged in a relationship with the bartender. “Sorry” Erwin offered, even though he knew it wouldn’t really make a difference, but he wanted to say it anyway. He was never one to really believe that age mattered, but he wanted to give Levi faith that there had never been anything between him and Eren aside from some harmless flirting in a contained environment. They stood there with the doors open, coffee cups resting on the roof and staring out at nothing in particular. Letting the conversation wrap its way around their minds and settle. “I just…” Erwin, unusually for him, struggled to find the right wording. He twisted his mouth slightly as he thought out what to say. Levi slowly turned his head back towards him and reached for the coffee cup on his side of the car. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up” he finally finished. Spoken softly, like he was afraid of setting something off in his colleague, although it was nothing of the sort. It was just that they rarely had conversations like this, and Erwin whilst a confident man, felt a little out of his comfort zone.

Levi’s gaze bore straight into him, giving nothing away, whilst the whole situation played itself on repeat in his mind. It had already been half a week and the bartender hadn’t made any contact, he obviously wasn’t going to hear from him.   
“I haven’t, and I won’t” he said in his usual tone of indifference, fingers grasping solidly around the cup as he took a seat in the car and shut the door. Erwin smiled slightly to himself and briefly shook his head, mirrored his colleague’s actions, and readied himself for the drive back to their office. 

͠

Eren opened his contacts once more and scrolled through, thumb hovering over the new addition to the list. “Levi” he whispered to himself. Sitting upright and running a hand through his hair, he selected the message button for the umpteenth time that week and immediately closed it again. “No.” he admonished himself, “you already decided not to get involved. Just let it be”. But all week his thoughts had been plagued by the dark haired man, with his chiselled cheekbones and pale skin. He dreamt about him; about what it would be like to see those piercing eyes light up with a smile, what it’d be like to run his fingers through his hair, how his lips would feel against his own. It was even more than that though, he wondered what it’d be like to stay up all night listening to him talk. Wanted to know what his dreams were, what did he yearn for in life? Eren wanted to discuss everything and anything with him, and at the same time he just wanted to spend the night with him in silence, comforted by his presence and needing nothing more than that. He sighed and went into his contacts once more, selecting a different name and pressing the call button. 

“Hi sweetie, is everything alright? You don’t usually call between shifts” The soft motherly voice floated through the speakers and immediately put him at ease. Eren’s manager from his day job was a Mother figure to him. (Ever since his own Mother had long passed away, and his relationship with his Father and stepmother was growing more toxic with every passing day.) She was wise, empathetic, and the very meaning of ‘firm but fair’. She definitely wasn’t the kind of woman you wanted to double cross, but simultaneously she was the one to contact if you got into trouble.

“Yeah, everything is ok. It’s nothing important, but if you’ve got a minute or two I just need a bit of advice.” Eren pressed on without waiting for a response and told her all about this captivating new customer at the club and how he felt about the situation between himself and the Levi’s friends. “I’m just…I’m not really sure if I should call or not” Eren finished. 

There was no response for a few minutes, but he knew she was weighing up the options and just thinking about what to say. “Don’t call” she eventually began. “I think, if you’re feeling this uncomfortable about it, it’s only going to translate into your conversation. You know what I believe, that everything happens for a reason. Wait and see if he comes back into the club, and if you still feel the same way when you see him again, then I think you need to distance yourself from his friends before you look to pursue anything with this new guy.”   
Eren didn’t say anything, simply thought over the response. A part of him was disappointed, he wanted her to tell him to get over it and just call, but he knew she was right. His awkwardness would ruin things before they’d even began if he wasn’t careful. “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be” she stated firmly. 

“Yeah, yeah you’re right” he admitted weakly, “thanks for listening” he added with a small smile on his face. He was truly grateful to have her in his life, even for the trivial moments. They said their goodbyes and Eren hung up the phone staring down at the blank screen. Only two more days and he’d be back behind the bar for the weekend, with the possibility of seeing Levi again. His chest started to get a little tight in anticipation. “Boy I’m so screwed” he said to himself, leaning back and resting his head against the wall, memorising the patterns in the ceiling until the crick in his neck forced him to get up and get on with the rest of the day.

Friday night finally arrived, and Eren was going through his usual pre work routine. Chewing his way through a vast amount of candy, popping the tab on a can of Redbull and taking large gulps between getting dressed and doing his hair, all the while bobbing his head along to songs that would inevitably be playing in the club later on. He ran his hand through his shaggy brown tresses once more, letting the hair fall haphazardly across his forehead. It didn’t really matter what it looked like. It’d end up a mess later anyway. He opted for contacts, instead of his usual glasses. He wanted to impress just in case Levi was back in the club. He bit his bottom lip, wondering how Levi would act towards him, he had after all pressed the man for his number and then not even used it. Sighing, he tried to drop the thought as he gingerly pressed the contacts into his eyes, one after the other. 

The night fell into full swing pretty quickly, the bar becoming busy early on and leaving no room for small talk with the customers or his colleagues. One customer after the next, leaving nothing but smiles and lingering glances, or in some cases scowls and frustrated eye rolls. Eren was having a bit of a heated discussion with a customer who’d double ordered from both himself and Krista when he saw a familiar shape in the corner of his eye. He briefly turned his head to see Erwin leaning forward watching the exchange with interest. Eren smiled weakly at him and turned his attention back to the customer in question. “Look buddy, you ordered from us both, so you either pay for both rounds or you don’t get anything and you can get out.”

The customer scoffed and wrinkled his nose in disdain. “Oh yeah, and who are you to say what I will and will not do?” The guy puffed out his chest and sneered. Customers never realised how much power the bartenders held over their night. They could either guarantee you a good time or cut your fun short real quick, all depending on how you behaved. Eren signalled for a doorman, and smirked slightly when one placed his meaty hand on the shoulder of the customer. 

With that issue being dealt with by other hands Eren leant towards Erwin, hand already on a glass. “How many tonight?” he asked the handsome blonde.

“Just one” Erwin said as he held up a single finger. Eren busied himself with making Erwin’s usual. “So where’s your crew?” Eren asked, trying to discreetly suss who was with Erwin tonight. Was it the usual lot? Or was Levi with him again?  
Erwin saw right through him and smiled behind his fingers as he cupped his hand around his chin. “The usual guys, they’re back there” he said motioning with his head to the back of club. Eren let his eyes drift up and over his head to see a group of Erwin’s friends, but no small raven haired man seemed to be amongst them. “No Levi tonight” Erwin stated almost sensing Eren’s disappointment. Eren merely nodded and passed Erwin his drink, fingers curling around the crisp note as Erwin pressed it into his palm and smiled as he left the bar, sliding through the crowd with ease back towards his group. 

The night continued on, and an intense fun filled atmosphere built up behind the bar. The way him and his colleagues moved around each other with practiced ease, it was almost like a group of dancers. Smart remarks and quick quips were tossed to and from, drinks were pumped out with a quick efficiency and the tips were rolling in. Eren quickly wiped his hands on his rag, and looked up to the next customers only to find a small smile creeping onto his mouth when he saw who it was. Jean and Erwin were leaning forward onto the bar, sharing a conversation as they waited patiently. Eren didn’t even bother asking them what they wanted this time around, he knew this whole group and he knew by this time of night they were usually looking to hit it pretty hard. He mixed the drinks and set them down in front of the two of them, and turned back to set up a couple of shots before placing those down in front of the other drinks. “Have I missed anything?” Eren asked cockily. Jean rolled his eyes, but Eren didn’t miss the small smirk that skirted around his mouth. Eren had found Jean rather attractive once upon a time, when he’d first started showing up at the club. Even shared a few drunken selfies one Halloween when Eren had accepted one too many shots from customers and spilled admiration of Jean’s incredibly sexy Halloween costume and had begged for a photo with him. Jean had thought that was code for something a little bit more, and when he’d snuck Eren’s number from his phone and text him the next day, Eren blew him off and their interactions had never quite been the same since. He’d remained a good tipper despite that, but he did prefer to be served by Krista instead now when possible. Erwin shook his head and smiled warmly as he paid for the round once again, and then saluted Eren with the shot glass before knocking it back without even so much as a grimace. 

Eren watched their group throughout the night, secretly hoping Levi would turn up, even though Erwin had already confirmed he wouldn’t be making an appearance tonight. Each hour that passed without the steely eyed man forced a sharp pain to spread in Eren’s chest until he eventually decided that he’d lost his chance. There was no way he could contact after a week of silence without some kind of renewed interaction. Eren took in a deep breath and on the outward release, tried to let go of his tension around the matter. He slapped a large grin on his face and dove headfirst into the undulating rhythm of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Don't forget to let me know how you think I could improve, or any other feedback you might have. I have obviously taken some creative liberties when it comes to Eren's family situation. Hopefully that doesn't make it too off putting, but it's pretty crucial to the plot later on.


	4. The promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys start to interact a bit more, and Eren drums up the courage to take the next step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally supposed to be two chapters, but I felt like it flowed a little better as one. Hopefully the length isn't too off putting. I also tried something different with the POV, so let me know if you think it works, or if it makes for tedious reading. Enjoy.
> 
> Edited because I can't believe I forgot the final line of the chapter... woops lol.

He didn’t want to go back to that dingy old nightclub. He wasn’t one for cramped spaces filled with sweaty bodies and incoherent, mumbling messes. It was dirty beyond all belief and smelt stale, but the drinks were cheap, the music was good and it was where his colleagues wanted to go to unwind after a hard week. He’d managed to skip out on the drunken festivities last week, stating that he’d volunteered to go in the office early in the morning to oversee some paperwork. Erwin knew it was a lie, but never said as such. The others bought it, not having any reason to think he might be avoiding the club.

This weekend however Erwin wasn’t having any of it. “You have to come, it’s Jean’s last night out, and you’re not on schedule tomorrow. You’re going.” He’d demanded with quiet authority. Levi silently cursed him as he was getting ready, and by the time he was due to head out, he was in a foul mood and ready to drown himself in alcohol. By the time they got there it was already packed and getting to the bar was a chore in itself. Levi whilst holding a steady buzz did not feel drunk enough to deal with all the bodies pressed up against him. He fought his way to the bar and finally caught sight of the man that’d caused him to have an internal struggle for two weeks.

“Tch”. He tutted to himself, his eyes following Eren up and down the bar as he yelled obscenities to one of his colleagues, laughing loudly and a wide smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. It was reminiscent of the first time he’d seen him. 

He’d been in a foul mood then too, having been dragged into such a disgusting place against his will, but as he took in his surroundings he caught sight of the stunning youth behind the bar. Messy chocolate brown hair shifting as he took long powerful strides, a drink in each hand, tossing his head over his shoulder and smiling at something one of the other bartenders said. In that moment, when Levi saw that smile his breath faltered. He’d never really considered a romantic interest before, wasn’t really one for affection. Yet in that moment he’d wanted it with that man. Wanted to be the one to put that smile on his face, to know what it was like to have those sparkling green eyes look at him with tenderness. In that moment everything else around him faded into the background and even as the bartender locked eyes with his, he couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed for staring so pointedly, and had scarcely been able to tear his eyes away. So when that same beautiful youth had asked for his number, Levi’s throat dried up and he could barely get out a coherent response. He’d even been called a tease, and all the while his heart thudded sporadically in his chest. It was an out of place feeling for him, but he almost relished in it all, until the group had voiced their concerns; that Eren liked the chase and nothing more, that Eren wouldn’t text, that they’d all tried and never got anywhere. He pushed away their feelings of doubt, wanting to believe that Eren had felt something too, he could tell he had…at least he thought so, but the longer it went without hearing from him, the louder their doubts became in his head. Until two weeks had passed with nothing, and all that was left was a sour bitter feeling in the pit of his stomach, covering the small fluttering of yearning that remained.

When Eren finally noticed him, he seemed to stutter in his step, his face fell and he looked slightly panic stricken. It was short lived though and that seemingly natural smile found its way back onto his face, but it didn’t quite stretch into the brightness of his eyes. No, they still held an air of reluctance. He finished up his round before approaching Levi. 

“Hey” the younger man had said “How have you been? You weren’t around last week.” He stated.

Levi snorted and fiddled with the crisp note folded between his fingers, glaring coldly at the bartender. “If you really wanted to know you’d have called me to find out.” He spat out bitterly and instantly regretted it. This kind of petty behaviour was unlike him and he didn’t enjoy how it felt. His mouth twisted and then the discomfort lodged deeper when he saw the guilt on Eren’s face.

“I-I’m sorry” Eren stuttered. “I wanted to, I honestly did…it’s just…” he broke off. Levi knew what he was getting at, without him having to say it. They both knew, but Levi didn’t care. He just wanted to know more about this man, yearned for it desperately. “I will call you.” Eren finished stronger, “I promise” he said, the words heavy with determination. His gaze was strong and sure, and Levi felt like he was being pulled in head first against his will. He merely nodded and left the bar without even ordering a drink. He just needed to get away from him, before he said something else stupid with his alcohol loosened tongue. He spared a quick glance over his shoulder to see Eren still standing there watching him leave with a hint of sadness in his gaze, before shaking it off and putting his cheery demeanour back in place to serve the rest of the bar.

He didn’t approach the bar for the rest of the night, but he could feel Eren’s eyes on him almost constantly. Even when the kid was flat out, just a blur behind the dim lit bar. Laughing, and carrying more drinks than Levi ever thought was possible, his eyes always seemed to find him. He wondered if Eren knew that he was watching him too. Watching the way he smirked at the customers, noticing a lingering hand here and there, a softened gaze and feeling his chest tighten painfully with each encounter. He wondered if this was how Eren was naturally, effortlessly charismatic. He was the definition of charm and beauty. Customers melted under his smile, but simultaneously shrank under the sharp glare he could muster if someone tried to mess him about. Levi was so caught up in watching him work that he hadn’t even noticed that his group had dispersed and he was standing in the corner of the club alone. He quickly scanned his surroundings, and spotted Erwin’s head rising above a sea of others on the dance floor. Levi clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and leaned back to rest his shoulders on the wall behind him. He didn’t dance, and there was no way he was going to battle his way through the crowd to reunite with his friend. He’d wait here and watch Eren until he couldn’t watch him anymore, but that was just the thing though wasn’t it? He’d never get tired of watching him, and he knew that deep down inside. He knew that even though he’d resigned himself to forget about the man, to not bother with the young runt who was clearly just a flirt, that he was lying to himself and if Eren really did hold fast to his promise from earlier that there would be no way he’d be able to resist him. He stopped following Eren’s movements and raised his eyes to the ceiling, closing them halfway and sighing internally. When did he become this person? This wasn’t him, and he’d be damned if he lost control over his own emotions for some brat. Even if said brat was stunning and lit up the room like a fucking sun. 

͠

He looked over to Levi at every chance he got, not caring if he was emanating a stalker type vibe. The man was addicting, even though he knew nothing about him, he already couldn’t get enough. He admired the way he could look so cool and aloof in an environment such as this, where everybody was a painted peacock, looking to parade around and show off what they had to offer. Levi had no such interests as far as Eren could tell. He seemed like a chill type of guy, and the longer Eren watched the more he was surprised that he’d even come to a place like this. It didn’t seem to fit with his image at all. As Eren kept looking it astounded him how somebody could be so sinfully attractive, it seemed impossible how symmetrical his face was, how sharp and soft his cheekbones were at the same time, how deep his eyes were and when Eren’s gaze settled on Levi’s lips he felt a fiery blush spread across his cheeks. It wasn’t fair, to want somebody this badly, to want everything about them before you even knew what you were getting yourself into. He tried to will Levi to come back to the bar, he wanted another chance at interacting with the man. He wanted to show Levi that he was genuinely interested and didn’t just ask for his number on a whim, but the man was having none of it. Staying in his corner, safely away from the craziness of the club with his eyes flitting over every now and then in a disinterested manner, as if he was merely surveying his surroundings. It was infuriating to Eren, but he couldn’t dwell on it for too long, the increasing demand at the bar soaking up all of his attention instead. 

He lost himself in his work, falling into that second hand nature and letting the wilder side of his personality come out to play. Taking a few shots that had been offered to him by a group of regulars, and dancing in time to the music, singing along to the songs that he and his colleagues had unofficially dubbed as theirs. Taylor Swift’s ‘22’ had just begun to work its way into the mix, and Connie bumped his hip as he walked past, they grinned at one another and both paused mid rounds, to sing to each other and dance around the bar like school kids at a disco. As Eren was bouncing around in a circle, he briefly caught sight of a pair of stormy grey eyes watching him with interest. He knew he looked like an idiot, but he didn’t care. He was having a blast and in that silly moment he felt light hearted and carefree. If Levi couldn’t get with that side of him, then he didn’t need him he told himself. Something in the way Levi was watching him in that moment though told him he needn’t worry about that.  
The night ended on a high, with the tip jars overflowing and the free drinks never ending. Eren had a light buzz as he walked out of the back door of the club, murmuring his goodbyes and stuffing his hands into his pockets, hunching his shoulders forward to brace himself against the cold morning wind. His fingers gripped around the case of his phone, and his short journey home was filled with visions of Levi, daydreams of perfect dates and innocent late nights clouding his thoughts. It was the last thing on his mind when his head finally hit the pillow. 

It was early Sunday evening when Eren finally plucked up the courage to call Levi. Holding his breath as he hit the call button, and gingerly lifted the phone to his ear, heart racing faster with each ring. It seemed to go on forever, an uneasiness began to settle into Eren’s stomach as the ring went past a standard amount, either Levi wasn’t near his phone or he was purposefully ignoring the unknown number, and knowing his luck it’d be the latter. Eren hung up as the phone connected to voicemail, and pressed it thoughtfully to his mouth. Was it too desperate to text immediately after attempting to call? Things couldn’t really get any worse though Eren thought, as he began to compose a simple text. 

Hey, it’s Eren, the bartender from Mirage. I just thought I’d call and see how the rest of your weekend was, but I guess you’re busy. Hopefully I can catch you later. X

He left it open ended, an opportunity for Levi to let him know if it was ok to deepen the contact. He set his phone aside, and tried to find something to occupy his mind so that he wouldn’t be checking the screen every two minutes, even though his ringtone would notify him of any new activity. Eren had almost given up hope of getting a response when his phone began to chirp incessantly a few hours later. It was starting to get late now, who on earth thought it’d be a good idea to start a conversation at this time. Levi apparently. Eren’s fingers trembled as he pressed his thumb to the screen to accept the call and raised it to his ear, hoping desperately that Levi couldn’t hear his heavy breathing through the speaker. ‘Hello’ he said timidly, biting his tongue as he listened to the response. 

‘Hmm, you sound much less lively than you do at the bar’. 

Eren almost scoffed at that, what a way to start a conversation. “Well obviously” he countered. “I’m not pumped full of Redbull and sugar, and I don’t need to yell over a hoard of drunken animals and music to make myself heard, plus it’s getting close to my bedtime anyway. This is my sleepy tone.”

He heard Levi snort, and liked to think there was a bit of a chuckle behind it. “Bedtime?” Levi questioned. “What are you, five?” Eren laughed softly, and just like that they fell into an easy conversation that mainly consisted of Levi throwing gentle insults at him, and Eren rambling on about anything that popped into his head, talking late into the night until Eren had tucked himself underneath the covers and settled the phone on the pillow next to his head, trying desperately to keep his eyes open. The conversation slowly dwindled until his responses became nothing more than simple noises of agreement and understanding, striving to keep the contact going at all costs until Levi had ordered him to “go to sleep brat, I don’t want to be accountable for your grumpy attitude tomorrow because you didn’t get enough beauty sleep.”

Eren had smiled deeply at that and simply said “Kay, night Levi” before ending the call and immediately letting his eyes shut, falling into a deep slumber with the conversation firmly embedded into his mind. 

͠

He came out of the bathroom, towel slung low on his waist, and beads of water still clinging to the ends of his hair, shedding droplets to the floor with every step. His phone flashed a tiny green light on the nightstand. Picking it up expecting nothing more than a contact from work, he was surprised to see a missed call and a text from a new number. Heart quickening slightly, he opened the message with a slight smile. Relief spreading through his body, dissipating the anxiety that he had been denying existed as he saw who it was from. Finally, Eren had come through on his promise. Levi had barely allowed himself a sliver of hope, but here he was staring down at the simple attempt at making amends. Rolling his tongue around in his mouth, he thought about how best to respond. He would make the young man sweat a bit first, nothing like a bit of petty retaliation to even the score. Placing the phone back on the nightstand he changed into a loose t-shirt and a pair of sweats that had seen much better days. Plodding into the kitchen of his modest apartment, he decided he’d have dinner before even thinking about responding to Eren.

It was 21:43 when Levi picked up his phone and returned the missed call from earlier. Maybe it was a bit late he thought as the tone rang a bit longer than one would deem normal, but then surely a bartender who worked into the early morning wouldn’t go to bed at this time? He was almost about to give up when Eren’s breathy voice suddenly emerged from the speakers. He sounded nervous. Levi smirked, picturing a blushing Eren with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth, eyes darting around unable to focus. He found though, that not actually seeing Eren’s bright eyes in person gave him a bit more courage. He didn’t feel as if his soul was being analysed. Emboldened by the disconnect of technology he teased Eren a little. “Hmm, you sound much less lively than you do at the bar.” He leaned back in his chair as he spoke, neck tilting far enough that his chin pointed towards the ceiling. Smiling as he listened to Eren’s response, the sass level was definitely the same as it was at the club though. He could get used to that, it was almost fun the way the youth seemed to bounce between sarcasm and complete adorableness. He did however roll his eyes at how immature Eren sounded when he stated that it was almost near his bedtime. 

Levi wasn’t a talker, even around people he’d known his whole life, but somehow this punk just brought it out in him. He felt like he couldn’t have stopped even if he’d wanted to. Granted he did much less talking than Eren, but even so, it was impressive how easy the conversation flowed, how fascinating he found the things that Eren had to say. How much he realised he wanted to listen to him talk forever, wanted to hear him spill his darkest secrets and his deepest desires, wanted to listen to all the unimportant things he could ever possibly have to say. Like how the weather was, that was something everybody seemed to talk about here, like it was built into their genes. It was with a pang of regret that Levi told Eren to finally go to sleep, his responses and been getting further and further apart and were becoming considerably more mumbled as time went on. As much as Levi strived to carry the conversation on almost by himself, fuelled by Eren’s quiet hums, he knew that he was keeping the young man up unnecessarily. There would be plenty of other opportunities to talk, he was sure of it already. Whatever this was, it was powerful and it would take its own course merely dragging them along for the ride. He couldn’t control it and a small part of him was asking for it, asking for him to be dragged down deep into the abyss that was the unknown aspects of this stunningly attractive man, to be seduced and used for whatever he wanted him for, and he knew as he heard him mutter “Kay, night Levi.” That he was already done for. 

It had been the same every night for the last week, Levi would come home from work and Eren would call, eagerly waiting to hear about his day. Always brimming with a vibrant energy that was almost palpable through the phone. They talked about Levi’s current posting in England, about Eren’s love of sweet things, and how he was cat person. Eren told Levi briefly about being raised between England, and the U.S. and his German heritage. They discussed menial things, like what they were each having for dinner, or joked about how they were definitely calling in sick tomorrow because ‘they were so done with work’. Levi hadn’t even realised how void his life was prior to the bartender entering it at full force, although could this even be deemed full force? They only ever spoke on the phone yet, it felt like he’d barged his way in and somehow was already working on earning himself a solid place in the usually cantankerous man’s heart. Tonight was no different, Levi listened and committed the different tones of Eren’s melodic voice to his memory. There was something about his voice that made him feel safe, made him like he was at home, which was an unimaginable feeling for him since he’d never really had one. He’d just collapsed onto his couch, throwing his right arm along the back of the cushions and placing his left ankle on top of his knee when Eren threw out a question that made him bolt upright again, placing both feet firmly on the floor and gripping the seat of the couch so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. 

“Um I’m sorry, wh-what did you say?” he stammered. God he hated that, why did he have to sound so weak and flustered? He was never flustered, it was something he prided himself on, being able to keep a firm wall in front of his emotions, never letting others see what was on the other side, but Eren had just knocked it down like a bulldozer. 

“I asked if I could take you out Saturday, you know like on a date. I mean it’d have to be during the day because obviously I have work that night, but yeah…what do you think? Would that be ok?” He asked the last part rather tentatively, as if the courage he normally displayed had suddenly dissipated. Levi sat in stunned silence for a moment, feeling his throat close up inch by inch. He’d never been asked out before, sure he could obviously appreciate the aesthetics of human kind, and whilst he had a few purely physical relationships it wasn’t something he was in the habit of doing and no one had ever been brave enough to initiate anything beyond that. Did he want to go on a date with this guy? This guy, that even though they’d been talking for over a week he still knew very little about, other than the basics and his day to day routine. Did he want to risk letting Eren in any further and finding out what this strange stirring in his chest was? The part of him that he tried to keep under wraps was screaming yes, pleading him to whisk Eren away, before anyone else dared to. Yet the rational side of him was rising up in warning. Careful.

“Sure” he answered before his mind had really even fully committed to it. His tongue felt thick and foreign in his mouth. He didn’t like how his voice sounded, he didn’t even sound like he cared, but the younger man didn’t seem to notice. 

“Awesome” Eren gushed, he could hear the smile in his voice and the odd sensation in his chest gripped him a little stronger. “I thought maybe we could go to the Panto?” Eren continued quickly. The feeling was quickly replaced by a sudden wave of confusion. Levi’s brow furrowed as he leant forward and pressed the phone closer to his ear. 

“The what? Are you even speaking English?” Eren let out a slight chuckle that was almost swallowed by the distortion of the speakers. 

“The pantomime, do you really not know what that is? I suppose it is an English type tradition, but still…I often forget what originates from where, you know with me being raised between countries and all.” Eren rambled on and Levi was still none the wiser to whatever a pan- whatever it was, was. “It’s an interactive play, and it’s usually based upon fairy-tales, they do them at Christmastime here. It’s kind of a tradition, I thought maybe you’d like to go.” Eren finally shared. Levi really did not want to go, it sounded like his perfect idea of a nightmare. It sounded like an environment that would be full of children, the gross, noisy, sticky creatures and Levi wasn’t an interactive type person, but the sweet excitement in Eren’s voice twisted in his stomach and forced him to say yes. He didn’t want to disappoint this seemingly innocent kid and he didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to see him out from behind the bar. Judging from others, it was a rarity.

“Ok, it sounds like an experience.” He said hoping to keep the reluctant tone out of his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Would love your feedback as usual :)


	5. The Panto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's date day, and the boys are both nervous. Issues slowly start to come to the surface, and the boys struggle more than they expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy, where do I start. Firstly, thanks to all you lovely people who have given me kudos and left comments. It really means a lot. Secondly, this chapter.... geez I'm sorry. I just can't edit it anymore, and once again it was originally supposed to be two chapters, but now it's just one long messy beast. Good luck with it. 
> 
> I suppose minor Trigger Warning, for stuff that resembles panic attacks. I think I'm erring on the side of caution here, but better safe than sorry.

He couldn’t believe he’d actually managed to force the words out of his mouth without sounding too ridiculous. His heart had lurched into his throat and his mind was racing a mile a minute, already creating a backup plan in case Levi said no, but by some miracle he agreed to it. Eren was going to go on a date with the most gorgeous man he’d ever laid eyes on, a man who’d he been staying up late every night to talk to. The instant the phone call had ended the nerves had set in, ‘oh dear god’ he thought, what on earth was he thinking asking Levi to accompany him to the bloody pantomime?! How incredibly juvenile, but he’d gone for it hadn’t he? So maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Eren had just been trying to pick something different than the usual dinner date or movie idea, both of those felt stale to him, overdone and since whatever this with Levi already felt different, he wanted a new experience for their first date. 

As the days crept by it felt like Saturday began to loom ominously towards them, Eren had never experienced first date jitters to this extent before, his palms were constantly clammy and his mind always wandering. What if they struggled to make conversation in person? What if Levi hated every minute of it? What if he made a fool of himself? 

When Saturday finally arrived Eren was up uncharacteristically early. Sitting in front of the mirror, post shower, he sighed as he took in his dishevelled appearance, something definitely had to be done about that. He combed his hair through, neatening it to the best of his ability, his hair always seemed to have a mind of its own. ‘Wild, like your soul’ his mother used to say to him. He slipped his contacts in with practiced ease, blinking away the excess solution from them and wiping his face as it ran down his cheeks. He opted for a nice shirt and dark blue skinny jeans, paired with a matching scarf and beanie to combat the winter chill. Slipping on thick socks and dark brown Timbaland boots before he threw his leather jacket over his arm he took one final look in the mirror and smiled wryly to himself-well this was about as good as it was going to get. 

He sat on a stone bench outside their designated meeting point, legs swinging back and forth slightly as he grew increasingly nervous, dragging his palms down his jeans at irregular intervals. It was cold enough that the bitter air would dry his sweat without him having to wipe it off, but it helped stem some of the nervous energy instead of just sitting there limply. Biting his lip he looked around, slightly panicked that he wouldn’t recognise Levi out of the club, or vice versa. The strange bar lights had a way of making people look very different to real life. He often wasn’t recognised himself. A gentle familiar voice called his name and he looked up, a smile instantly spreading across his face.

“Armin” he replied, patting the space on the bench next to him. “What are you doing here?” he enquired politely, still glancing around for the person he was actually hoping to see. He had arrived early, so he still had some time to spare, too early to panic just yet. 

“Oh I’m just doing some Christmas shopping” Armin supplied raising the multiple bags gripped in his fists, his big bright blue eyes looking down at Eren innocently. “What about you?” he returned, taking a seat. 

Eren blushed, he had neglected to tell one of his best friends that he’d asked somebody out on a date. “Erm…” he began hesitantly. “I’m actually waiting for a date, but he’s not here yet…” well that last part was evident he thought petering off.

Armin’s eyes widened briefly before he broke into a childish grin and grasped both of Eren’s hands in his. “What?” he exclaimed almost shrieking girlishly. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, what are you going to do? What is he like? Can I get a glimpse of him? Do you want me to follow you around? You don’t think he stood you up do you?” He was rambling off at a mile a minute. 

“Armin” Eren cut him off with a firm but understanding tone. “I’m not dignifying any of those questions with an answer, I’ll fill you in after the date.” 

Armin grinned sheepishly and nodded. “Sure thing” he said standing up. “Well good luck, I’ll catch up with you later.” He waved lazily and turned to walk back from the direction he’d originally emerged from. “You look great by the way, he’ll be falling at your feet.” He threw casually over his shoulder as he slipped into a nearby store. 

Eren smirked slightly and felt a small blush settle on his cheeks, he gripped the edge of the bench and leant back, arms locking out and stretching his legs forward he tipped his chin back and watched the dark clouds drift effortlessly across the sky. It wasn’t until a shadow covered him that he slowly tore his vision from the view above and stopped just slightly above him. “Levi” he breathed, hearing the happiness seep into his tone. 

“Sorry” he said staring down at him inquisitively. “I’ve been here for a while, I wasn’t entirely sure it was you.” He paused seeming to weigh his next words carefully. “You look different to how you do behind the bar, I didn’t think those eyes could get any more striking.” He flashed a devilish grin and Eren felt his blush spread furiously, reaching the tips of his ears. “It was only until your friend called your name that I put two and two together. Contacts huh?” 

Eren nodded slowly and stood up, keeping his gaze on Levi the whole time. “Uh, yeah I don’t like to wear them all the time, but ya know...” he drifted off, hoping that Levi would understand the indication that he’d attempted to put some effort into their date. Levi merely nodded and they fell into step beside one another as they walked through the shopping precinct. Hands tucked securely in their pockets, heads bowed down against the bitter wind cutting its way through the streets. 

~

He was leant up against the cold brick wall, arms crossed over his chest and feet crossed at the ankles, he looked around trying desperately to catch a glimpse of messy brown hair and tanned skin, but he didn’t see anyone. He huffed to himself slightly, he better not have been stood up. He ran his fingers through his hair pushing it back from his face momentarily and scratched at a bit of a dirt on the ground with the toe of his boot. He looked back up after a few minutes and scanned the area again. He was here super early, he thought, perhaps he was just a bit too eager. Then his eyes fell upon a young man sitting on a bench, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs. Eyes darting every which way, but missing him by the wall. Could it be? He couldn’t really see his hair, only a few strands poking from underneath his burgundy beanie. It did look a little like him, tanned skin and a tall lean frame. As his head turned towards Levi he caught a glimpse of his eyes. Huge, bright and shining with the promise of something unknown. It had to be him, how many people had that striking green that seemed to be flecked with gold. But Levi just didn’t remember them being that big or vibrant. Surely his memory didn’t do them that much of an injustice? He leaned forwards slightly, scanning the rest of him trying to come to a conclusion before approaching him, when a loud voice jolted him out of his senses.

A small blonde person was running towards the young man on the bench. He’d called his name and that had answered Levi’s question. He hadn’t been stood up after all. He leant back further against the wall and watched the exchange with interest. He’d flinched slightly when the blonde’s voice had suddenly grown in volume and pitch and he began looking around eagerly. He sunk into the shadow of the shop awning slightly, it was obvious he was looking for Eren’s date. He didn’t even know if the blonde knew who he was looking for, but Levi did not want to be meeting friends on the first date.

He waited until the blonde left and slipped around the corner before standing up straight, brushing himself down and making his way over to Eren. He briefly checked his reflection in the shop window as he passed. Soft dark grey sweater paired with black jeans and boots, and a black pea-coat. He briefly wished his wardrobe had something a little less drab, but it was too late for that now. Completely oblivious to his approach, Levi took in the blush on Eren’s face. Despite that, he looked considerably more relaxed than he did earlier. No longer running his hands up and down his legs, he was staring at the sky with a wistful expression. He came to a stop in front of him, and waited until Eren’s head tipped forward and his gaze met his. Eren’s face broke into a relieved grin and his name slipped in a breathy sigh from his mouth. Levi clenched his hands inside his pockets at the sound of it. How could he make his name sound like that? Like he’d been waiting for him all his life, like his very happiness depended on seeing Levi at that precise moment. 

“Sorry” he found himself offering, even though he really had no reason to be, but the softness in Eren’s gaze forced himself to continue. “I’ve been here for a while, I wasn’t entirely sure it was you.” He paused. He wasn’t entirely sure how to tell Eren he didn’t really recognize him without it sounding insulting. He shifted in his stance slightly and figured honesty was just easiest. “You look different to how you do behind the bar, I didn’t think those eyes could get any more striking.” He grinned at Eren, but was inwardly cursing himself. ‘Jesus Levi, just give him your entire inner monologue why don’t you?!’ It was worth it though when he saw the way Eren blushed, spreading furiously across his cheeks and burning into the tips of his ears. He smirked and felt himself relax a bit further. ‘God, could this kid get anymore adorable, it was funny, sweet and sexy all at the time’ he thought and then chided himself for that last part. “It was only until your friend called your name that I put two and two together. Contacts huh?” he continued on, inclining his head towards Eren slightly, his hair shifting and falling across his forehead.

Eren simply nodded, staring at him softly as he stood up, having to shift his head slightly to maintain eye contact as he finished standing and leaned over Levi. God how he hated being short. “Uh, yeah…I don’t like to wear them all the time, but ya know...” Eren waved his hand in the air before sticking it into his pocket, like the other one and took slow steps forward, letting Levi fall into rhythm beside him. Levi couldn’t bring himself to look at Eren, instead keeping his gaze down on the pavement in front of him, eyes flicking up every now and then to see where they were going. It had embarrassed him slightly, Eren’s indication that he’d made an effort for this date, like it was a special occasion of some sorts. Although, thinking back to how everyone said that Eren never fraternized with customers, maybe it was a special occasion. They fell into a slightly awkward silence, that neither of seemed to know how to break, making their way through the cobbled streets, huddled against the cold, unknowingly drifting a little closer to each other until their elbows bumped as they walked, but neither of them made any effort to correct it. 

As he slipped sly glances at Eren, he noticed the blush still stained his cheeks, albeit lighter than before. Eren was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and just watching the action made Levi’s breathe hitch. Goddammit Levi, pull yourself together he mentally scolded. Eren hadn’t met his gaze since earlier, as far as Levi could tell he hadn’t even glanced in his direction, keeping his eyes steadily trained on the pavement in front of him. “This way” he said gently tugging at Levi’s elbow, finally sending him a quick look before he looked away again. It was just a flash, but it was enough. Beyond the nervousness of his gaze lay the same dormant desire that Levi felt coming to life in himself. It was a relief to see that Eren was suffering in the same manner. They turned through alleys and began to walk through a less occupied part of the town, the cobbled streets here becoming narrower and if possible, more uneven. “So” Levi plucked up the courage to give himself a little foresight into what he was about to endure, just to be close to this bright eyed brat. “What exactly should I expect from this…panto?” He tested the last word out in his mouth, rolling the letters individually off his tongue. 

Eren smirked and stopped just in front of Levi abruptly, swinging around wildly to lean over him. “It’s pretty interactive, which I get the feeling that’s not really your thing, but you just have to give it the benefit of the doubt and go for it. Just trust me, do what everyone says and you’ll enjoy it.”

Levi heard a slither of nervousness creep into Eren’s tone at that last part, he was already inwardly cringing at the idea of him having to interact with anyone or anything other than Eren on this date, and even that was proving more difficult that he’d anticipated. Yet, looking up at Eren and seeing those shining eyes looking down at him with such resolve and hopefulness it stirred something inside of him. God how he wanted to make him smile and send him home feeling giddy and like he just couldn’t get enough of Levi, because somehow Levi already felt that way and they hadn’t even touched or held a decent conversation in person. “Ok” Levi said simply and shrugged nonchalantly stepping past Eren and forcing him to lead the way again. 

They rounded the corner and a small brick theatre came into view, it looked humble and welcoming. The kind of place where community theatre groups would host their performances and amateur orchestras would demonstrate their hard work. Inviting with a hint of professionalism, Levi couldn’t help but be slightly in awe as he noticed the intricate carvings in the woodwork surrounding the roof. Eren held the door open and Levi slipped through, brushing against Eren slightly as he turned to fit through the gap without removing his hands from his pockets. Once inside Levi rose an eyebrow seemingly impassive, but he was steadily becoming more impressed. He hadn’t been expecting this level of opulence, plush deep red carpets cushioned his tread and gold awnings surrounded him. The bar was of a rich mahogany and seemed to stock an extensive range of beers. Definitely not the kind of swill that Eren’s dingy nightclub served. “Would you like a drink?” Eren offered, drawing him out of his musings and into the present. 

“Sure, but I’m paying.” He replied, reaching around to his back pocket for his wallet. Eren caught his arm and smiled gently shaking his head. 

“No, I asked you out. I’m paying. I’m very old fashioned like that.” His gentle smile slowly stretched into a wide grin that Levi already couldn’t get enough of. He wanted to persist, he really hated people paying for him. Especially when he was sure that he earnt a hell of a lot more than Eren. It seemed ridiculous for him to waste his money here, but something in the grit of his jaw told Levi that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Levi slipped his wallet back into his pocket and raised a shoulder slightly in compliance and followed Eren to the bar. He’d just tip him exponentially when he came to the club. An involuntary shudder ran through him at the thought of all the time he’d be prepared to spend in that festering hell hole to be near Eren, to see him under the dim lights of the bar, looking ethereal and acting boisterous. Bartender Eren and Daytime Eren were almost two different people. It was incredible to witness. Levi had been too busy in his thoughts, he hadn’t even realised that Eren was waiting him to say what he wanted. Eyes quickly scanning the back bar, he picked the first beer that jumped out at him. Taking the bottle of hobgoblin into his hands, he took a tentative sip and was rather surprised at the thick heady taste. It was a lot stronger than he was used to, almost meaty for a larger, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Eren settled for a cranberry juice himself and they hung at the bar in silence, sipping at their drinks and taking in the steady growing buzz from the quickly enlarging crowd. 

“Do you want a snack? It’ll get pretty busy during the intermission, and the show will be about two hours, so we won’t be eating for a while.” Levi shook his head, he never really ate a lot anyway. Eren shrugged. “Ok, well I’m getting an ice cream.” He said pushing off of the bar and moving towards the concession stand. “Don’t say I didn’t offer” he added, cheekily waggling his eyebrows at Levi.

Levi’s mouth twitched slightly in amusement as he rolled his eyes. “Chocolate?” Levi’s voice was full of disdain. “You’re such a child, of all the interesting and complex flavours they have advertised you chose fucking chocolate.” A nearby mother quickly whipped her head in their direction and narrowed her eyes at Levi, clearly unimpressed with his choice of language around the young children. Eren shushed him, smacking at his arm and gesturing towards the seating area with an incline of his head. Chocolate tresses, falling across his eyes as he turned. Levi sighed and stuck his hands back in his pockets, leaving his half-finished beer on the bar. As they sat Levi felt incredibly tense, surrounded by children on all sides, this was definitely not his choice environment. 

Despite his initial hesitance Levi couldn’t help but relax, and enjoy the show a little. The atmosphere was infectious, or perhaps that was Eren. Levi watched him subtly; the way his eyes crinkled as he laughed and his cheeks bunched up and his shoulders shook from the force. He was taken in by how enraptured Eren was by the performance, and even he had to admit it was pretty interesting. Comical, the perfect blend of slapstick for the kids and hidden adult humour for the older generations. Some of the humour passed him by though, and he could only assume it was down to cultural differences. Yet here, in this stifling heat of the packed auditorium, with the shrieks of elated children forcing themselves down his ears, he felt strangely at ease. Perhaps it was the warmth of Eren’s arm, pressed up against his own on the small arm rest. Maybe it was the way he noticed Eren’s fingers twitching, and he couldn’t help thinking, hoping that maybe he wanted to hold his hand. That maybe he too, couldn’t truly focus on the show and was merely pretending to be engrossed in it, but all the while thinking of the man next to him. He tensed slightly as felt Eren shift over and bring his mouth close to his ear. “That’s an old popular children’s T.V. show. It’s satirical.” Levi nodded, he wasn’t even entirely sure which part Eren was referring to, he’d been focused too intensely on the way Eren’s hair shifted, the way his eyes sparkled and how his chest hitched with whispered chuckles. It was rather endearing of him though, Levi thought. To try and explain so that he didn’t feel lost, so that he could revel in delight with everybody else.

The announcement of the intermission came surprisingly quick, and as ruched velvet curtains were lowered across the stage, a strike of fear ignited in Levi. Now he had nothing to distract Eren from him, he had to engage in genuine conversation, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was just that he wasn’t much of a conversationalist. All their conversations so far had been grossly one sided, and with that one thought all his insecurities came flooding in. How long would it take for Eren to realise that he was closed off, incapable of letting people in, incapable of causing joy, unable to appear interesting and amicable. How long would it take, for Eren to decide that he didn’t want to waste his time with somebody like that? God, why did he agree to this date? He was blinded, blinded by his stupid beauty, his stupid shining aura, his visible energy. He felt rather than saw Eren’s head turn towards him, and he already knew that radiant smile filled his face, he could hear it in his voice as he spoke. 

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to snack on?” Eren pressed, leaning towards Levi ever so slightly, fingers lightly grasping the sleeve of his coat.  
He shook his head, and forced himself to meet Eren’s gentle gaze. “No” he forced out, voice cracking, still shaking his head slightly. “No” he said again, a bit steadier this time, “I’m going to find the restroom” he said standing abruptly pulling his sleeve from Eren’s soft grasp. 

Eren’s smile faltered briefly as a flash of concern passed across his face, but it was back as quick as ever as he brought his hands together in his lap. “Ok then, I’ll wait here.” Levi didn’t respond, just strode out of the aisle as fast as he could without looking like he was running away, which he was, he was totally running away, because he was too much of a coward to try and have a legitimate conversation face to face, because there was nothing to hide behind when Eren’s eyes were staring you down. No false bravado could help him escape that intense gaze. 

He hurried into the foyer, and burst through the double doors into the biting winter air, taking in sudden deep breaths as if he’d just ran a marathon. This wasn’t him, he hated this, it was weak and he’d stopped being weak a long time ago. He schooled himself into the epitome of indifference, put his all into his career and he’d made himself strong. Strong because he’d shut out all those that threatened to make him weak, and here he was willingly letting one big weakness stroll through the front doors of his fragile mentality. “Get a grip Levi” he softly cursed at himself, hands gripping at the edges of his sleeves, as he stared at the ground, eyes out of focus. He could feel people staring at him, could tell that the parents were ushering their children away from the strange man. Gradually his racing heart began to slow down, and his breaths became shallower. The back of his throat burned, and his eyes stung, but he felt significantly calmer. ‘You can do this’ he thought. ‘He’s just a guy, just a regular guy with a smile like sunshine and eyes like the ocean, just a regular guy’ He shook his head one final time. “You’re better than this Levi.” He told himself, looking up at the cloudy sky. He forced out a harsh breath, pushed his tense shoulders down and made his way back into the theatre.

He didn’t meet Eren’s eyes until he’d sat down, tried to offer a brief smile, but he could tell it was weak, and forced, like most of his interactions. “Your cheeks are pink” Eren stated. “Did you go outside?” Levi turned his head back to the stage and hummed. “Everything ok?” Eren pressed, trying to bring his face into Levi’s view again. 

Levi forced himself to look at the young man next to him, and felt his throat constrict slightly when he saw the worry that was clearly etched into his features. It aged him, and he hated that he was the cause of it. “Yeah, sorry; I didn’t mean to leave you for so long, it’s just really warm in here and I needed to cool down for a second.” Eren bit his lip sheepishly, and then smiled softly. 

“Ok then” he said reaching for Levi’s hand, so assuredly that Levi admired his confidence. Levi let him weave his fingers between his own, and press their palms flush against each other. Let his cold hands seep the warmth from Eren’s, and god was it petrifying, petrifying that it wasn’t actually scary at all, it felt right… it felt like home. Something he didn’t have, not truly. The military was his home now, but this, this felt real, and it felt like a future. A future in which he had someone to come home to, someone who cared, someone who would share his burdens, someone he didn’t have to hide the worst parts of himself from. He swallowed, trying to get some moisture to his dry throat and gently squeezed Eren’s hand, before facing the stage once more. 

They watched the rest of the show in silence, hands still entwined. Levi wondered if Eren could sense his distress from the way he gripped his hand, wondered if he picked up on the moments his breathing would become shallow and erratic before it quickly levelled back out as he fought to keep control over himself. He wanted this, or at least he wanted to find out whatever this was. Don’t fuck it, don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up. He repeated to himself in his mind, over and over, no longer even paying any attention to the show. The only thing keeping him in tune with the current situation was feeling Eren’s laughter vibrate through him, and it was Eren’s laughter that helped ground him. Eren was still holding his hand, having a good time, with him, granted it wasn’t actually him that was making him laugh, but Eren was having a good time in his company. He let that little fact fill him with courage, and forcefully shoved his insecurities into a box at the back of his mind where they belonged. The show came to an end, and the theatre was filled with applause, Levi joining in mechanically. He looked briefly to Eren as people started to gather their belongings around them. 

“Food?” Eren questioned tilting his head slightly, a gentle smile on his lips. His tone was void of all pressure, and Levi felt sure that Eren would brush it off if he declined, and a part of him wanted to, wanted to go home and sort his head out. 

“Food” Levi confirmed, the assuredness of his own voice surprising to him. They filtered out of the aisle, and joined the crowd slowly squeezing itself through the exits. Then they were outside again, and Eren was pulling his scarf up to cover the lower half of his face, and shoving his hands back into his pockets. Levi tried not to feel disappointed at the sight. They made their way back through the same cobbled streets, the silence eating away at Levi and he wonders if it’s affecting Eren the same way. He squeezes his eyes shut for a brief second, makes fists in his pockets and drags up everything he can, pushing himself to make an effort to make this less awkward. It shouldn’t be this awkward, on the phone it was all so natural, so fluid. People can be anything when they’ve got something to hide behind though. “So” he begins. “I um, I don’t really know a lot about you. Tell me about work, you mention work a lot during the week, what’s there to do during the day?” He sees Eren look at him with a raised eyebrow from his peripheral. 

“If you’re referring to Mirage, I only work there on the weekends” Eren stated. Levi made no response, so he continued on un-phased. “I have a job in a Men’s designer clothes store.” He said simply. Again silence followed, Levi merely nodding his head in understanding. “It’s a flexible contract, so sometimes it can be the equivalent of full time job, other times I might only be there twice a month. I’d prefer something a bit more stable, but it’ll do for now. Until I figure out what to do with my life.” 

“You don’t know what you want to do?” Levi questioned, glad that Eren was taking control of the conversation. 

“I have too many things I want to do, but no real idea how to achieve them.” Eren admitted in a rather forlorn tone. Levi’s brow furrowed. He didn’t like the pain he detected in Eren’s voice, and his arms twitched with the sudden desire to pull the boy into his arms and kiss away those troubles. 

“Such as?” Levi pushed. 

“I want to go back to school, I never went to university and I really regret it, but I’m not sure what I want to study, I just… I miss learning.” Levi nodded again. He wasn’t really sure what to say to be supportive, it’s not like he could suggest something for Eren to study, he barely knew him. 

“I want to travel” Eren continued, hands still deep in his pockets and he kept looking up at the sky as he walked. At this point Levi was unsure if he was still talking to him or if it was more to himself. “I want to learn how to drive, I never did when I was younger. I want to play the cello, I want to be accomplished, and I want to feel like I’ve done something with my life. I want to be happy with who I am, you know?” 

It took Levi a moment to realise that Eren had stopped walking and was staring down at the pavement, there was a tightness in his jaw and his shoulders seemed to be shaking. “I want to get out” he whispered, and Levi was sure he wasn’t supposed to hear that part. 

“E-Eren” he sought, reaching towards the younger male, hand retracting quickly as Eren’s head snapped up and he started laughing. Levi watched, confused as Eren bent over, bracing himself on his knees and he continued to laugh, almost hysterically. 

“Oh man I’m sorry, that was pretty heavy for a first date huh?” he said, laughter subsiding and he rubbed at his eyes, wiping away tears that appeared to be from laughing so hard, but Levi wasn’t entirely convinced. “Come on” he continued, tugging at Levi’s elbow. “You must be famished, what are you in the mood for?” Eren strode off, delightful demeanour back in place as if nothing had happened. Levi stood for a moment, hands hanging uselessly by his side, confused by the sudden change in mood. This whole situation was giving him whiplash. What on earth had Eren meant by all of that? It was only when Eren looked back at him over his shoulder, and gave him a cheeky wink that he felt his legs start again, taking longer strides than normal to catch up. 

“Something local I guess.” He finally answered shrugging. 

“Everything is local Levi” Eren responded. 

“No, I mean, something I can’t get back home, like don’t take me to a McDonalds or something.” He explained, watching Eren carefully out of the corner of his eye. 

Eren smirked, before letting it slip into an open mouthed grin. “I seriously hope no one has ever taken you to a McDonalds on a date before.” He bumped Levi slightly in a teasing manner. 

Levi chewed his lip thoughtfully, before relenting to the truth. “Actually I’ve never been on a date before.” He flinched slightly at the bark of laughter Eren let out, before he felt his head whip round to him, eyes comically wide. 

“Oh shit, you’re serious. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed that was rude of me.” Levi said nothing, keeping up pace beside Eren. 

There were a few beats of silence before Eren threw out a question that Levi wasn’t quite sure he wanted to answer, even if he knew how to. 

“Why’d you say yes then? To the date? Because I’m sure if you’ve never been on a date before that it’s been down to choice. I mean, I’m sure you’ve been asked plenty of times.” 

The corners of Levi’s mouth twisted upward slightly in an uncomfortable smile, ‘quite the opposite’ he thought, but he really didn’t want to get into that. He couldn’t cope with Eren prying as to why no one had ever asked. He had to say something though, this was one question he couldn’t ignore, at least not with repercussions on the rest of the date. He stopped walking, forcing Eren to turn and look at him. He looked into Eren’s concerned eyes, eyes that seemed to bore right through him. Forcing himself to dig up his darkest secrets and lay himself bare. “I wanted to. I mean, I wanted to find out whatever this is.” He cringed slightly gesturing between them. “I felt something. Oh shit that sounds so cliché” He ran his hand through his hair and broke the eye contact, looking off to the side and huffing slightly. ‘Here goes nothing’ he thought to himself before he threw caution to the wind. “I’m not cliché Eren, not even close. I’m not sociable, I don’t do any kind of relationship very well. I don’t want people, but I want this, I want to see what this can be. That’s why I said yes.” He slowly brought his eyes back to Eren’s and returned his hand to his pocket. He swallowed nervously and tried to analyse the look in Eren’s eyes. 

Eren smiled softly and jerked his chin in an effort to get them walking again, as Levi stepped towards him, he reached out and softly took his elbow in his grasp. “Cliché is overrated anyway.” The words whispered into his ear, and trailing warmth in their wake. With that they were walking again, the silence more comfortable than before. Eren took Levi to a local bistro that specialised in unusual burger combinations and cocktails. Explaining that they recently won some award. They sat in cosy booths, with low ambient lighting and soft instrumental music played in the background. Cocktails in front of each of them, cradled by their hands as they engaged in slightly stilted small talk. 

“Who’s your favourite football team?” Eren suddenly asked, with all the energy of a five year old on a sugar rush. 

“Do you mean football or soccer?” Levi tried to clarify

“Football” Eren said grinning, but something in the tone of his voice still left Levi unsure as to which one he was referring to. He raised an eyebrow questioningly. 

“Your football.” Eren finally relented. 

“So you call, your football soccer then?” Levi quizzed. 

“No, I call it football.” He stated, as if it were obvious. 

“So what do you call my football?”

“Football” Eren said again. 

“That’s confusing.” Levi shook his head and brought his glass to his mouth, taking a healthy sip. 

“You still haven’t answered my question” Eren pressed, running his index finger around the rim of his glass. 

“Are we talking NFL or College?” Levi questioned, taking yet another sip. 

“Either, both” 

“Bama, straight up for college. Falcons for NFL. I take it you follow football then?”

Eren’s mouth stretched into a grin, elation evident on his face as Levi stated his college team. “Roll tide” he almost yelled, slamming his hand down on the table, making the glasses shake. “I’m a Bama fan too!” He was leaning as far forward as the table allowed, eyes wide and childlike. “Alabama was where my family emigrated to, and the first game I remember watching was Bama v Auburn, and man was it a game! Bama won obviously, and that was it. Fan for life.” He slumped back into his seat and drank the remainder of his cocktail. 

The corners of Levi’s lips twitched upwards ever so slightly, “Good to know you have taste” he quipped, tone light, all of his demons and Eren’s bizarre outburst from earlier forgotten. 

“That should be obvious anyway, I asked you out after all.” The comeback was delivered so flawlessly that Levi couldn’t help but sputter, desperately trying not to choke on his drink. Cheeks heating up from embarrassment. Who on earth actually said things like that in real life?  
When the food arrived they ate in relative silence, only broken when Eren apologised for not having asked earlier what he thought of the panto. Levi had merely said he found it interesting and was grateful that Eren left it at that. Much to Levi’s dissatisfaction, Eren paid once again. Using the same reasoning from the theatre. Leaving the bistro, their bodies brushed up against one another and Levi’s fingers itched from within his pockets, wishing he could have the courage to reach for the other man’s hand. As they stepped outside, blinking to adjust to the bright winter sun, Eren ran a hand through his hair, now devoid of the beanie which was half stuffed carelessly into his left pocket. 

“Should, I er-walk you home?” Eren asked sheepishly, somewhat embarrassed, but trying to hint at the fact that he didn’t really want his time with the man to end just yet. 

“I drove here” Levi’s response was matter of fact. He didn’t know how to cater to subtle hints. 

“Right of course, um- let me walk you to your car then? Where did you park?” Eren pressed. 

Levi gestured with his hand, and the two began to walk again. Quiet comments passed about how unique the food was. 

“Wow” The word was dragged out as they stopped in front of Levi’s car. “Nice ride.” His eyes lighting up as he looked over the monstrous vehicle. Eren didn’t know a lot about cars, but he knew this wasn’t cheap, something you’d rarely see on the roads of the English country side. Almost taking up two parking spaces, verifying the stereotype about American cars. Levi merely shrugged. “Are you ok to drive though?” Eren enquired, suddenly remembering the alcohol Levi had consumed. 

“Yeah I’m fine.” Levi assured. 

Silence, yet neither of the men made to move. 

“Do you- um- do you need a ride home?” Levi asked.

Yes

“No thank you” Eren bit his lip, “I have a couple of things to do in town before work” It was a lie, but he didn’t want Levi near his house, couldn’t cope with the kinds of comments that would elicit. 

Levi nodded in acquiescence. 

“Right, well…” Levi trailed off, fishing his keys out of his pocket and starting the engine with a press of a button. 

In a brief moment of courage, Eren darted forward and pressed his lips quickly to Levi’s cheek. “Thank you, for today.” He mumbled against the cold skin, before retreating and slinking back through the car park, a final raise of his hand as he looked over his shoulder one last time. Watching Levi standing there, looking utterly shell shocked, a blush covering his otherwise pale, flawless skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, any issues or feedback let me know! 
> 
> Also, don't drink and drive kids, even if you feel ok, your motor skills are still likely to be affected. Stay safe!!


	6. Grin and bear it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief insight into Eren's home life, and the boys make second date plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super short filler type chapter, to give you guys a bit of a break, but necessary nonetheless.

Eren dragged his feet walking home, his mind occupied with thoughts of the date. He already wanted to see Levi again, and realised that he was going to be absolutely hopeless when it came to the dark haired man. If he said ‘Jump’, Eren would ask ‘how high?’ and he couldn’t even bring himself to be ashamed. As he reached his front door his thoughts soured; placing his key in the lock and gripping the handle tightly he braced himself. Pushing himself through the foyer, toeing off his shoes and picking them up by the heels, he could hear the low hum of the T.V. from the living room. He tried to sneak his way past unnoticed. That’s rather difficult when the doors are made of glass panelling though. His father was sunk into the sofa, hollow frame almost swallowed by the cushions. His hair lank and greasy, scraped back into a ponytail, glasses perched on the edge of his sharp nose. His new wife was curled into his side, an uncomfortable grimace on her face, as if bracing herself for what was to come. 

“The whore has returned.” His father spit out harshly. The volume on the T.V. being lowered for the insults that were sure to follow. “Out all night, out all day. Nice of you to bring your soiled-self home. Whose bed did you crawl out of this time?” 

Eren grit his teeth, jaw clenched and fingers gripping the shoes tightly. “I worked last night, the same as I do every weekend. I was home this morning, the same as I am every .single. weekend.” Forcing out the last words between his teeth, tongue pressed up behind them. His father scoffed and turned the volume back up, clearly already bored with his disappointment of a son. Eren bit his tongue dangerously hard, threatening to make it bleed, and made his way up the stairs and into his room, where he collapsed onto his bed, burying his face into his pillow and willed himself not to let it get to him. 

Something was making some awful repetitive noise, and he couldn’t quite figure out what. Eren groaned, bringing his hands up to bleary sore eyes. He must have fallen asleep, and with his contacts in too. That awful repetitive noise was the alarm on his phone, that at some point had slid out of his pocket and onto the hardwood floor and was now sliding across it with each vibration. Eren reached off to the side, leaning over the edge of the bed, rickety frame groaning in protest. Fingers stretching desperately for his phone. He managed to pull it towards him and finally pick it up off of the floor, silencing the alarm. He’d slept in his clothes from the date, and he felt acutely uncomfortable. Limbs stiff and blood definitely not circulating as it should be. He rolled onto his back and absently checked the time. 19:00. Two hours before he had to leave for work. Time to get a move on. He flicked briefly through the hoard of notifications that were on his phone, mostly social media. He paused when he spotted a message from Levi, sent only an hour ago. Thanks. Nothing more than that, but it still made Eren smile. He quickly composed a message back. You’re welcome, I had fun. Have a good night! X Eren sat up and stretched his arms above his head, shaking out any lingering weariness, before getting ready for work. 

 

͠

Levi wasn’t going out tonight, not that he didn’t want to see Eren again, but he wanted to sort through his emotions before he saw him next. Actually what he wanted to do was take every confusing emotion and shove them way deep down into the pit of his stomach, and never pay attention to them again. He knew it didn’t work like that though, they gnawed away at you until you sifted through them and brought them out into the light. He needed to sort the confusion in his mind, he already had too many unresolved issues, definitely didn’t need to be adding to them. He laid on his back on his bed, his clothes from the date long gone, replaced by comfortable sweats and a tee. Just staring at the ceiling, occasionally checking his phone. He’d received a reply from Eren. He said he’d had fun. Had he truly? No one ever really had fun with Levi. He’d debated for ages about whether to text Eren after the date, and what to say, and in the end he could only ever be his callous self. Merely saying thanks, but luckily for him Eren seemed to make up for his lacking. He didn’t reply to Eren again, instead he put the phone on the nightstand and lightly tugged on the strands of his undercut, huffing out a sigh. His fingers kept creeping back to his cheek of their own accord, caressing where Eren’s lips had been. Man he was so fucking screwed. 

Eren had called him again Sunday afternoon. All gushing tones and excited rambling. Levi was listening to him rant about how terrible work had been Saturday night. None of his regulars had been in, replaced instead by a hoard of students that had come home for the holidays. Apparently that meant that every other round had started with “What’s the cheapest thing I can get?” Levi had set the phone on speaker, starting a round of light housework when Eren had gone quiet. 

“Eren” he prompted, checking if the brunette was still on the line.

“Yeah, sorry, I was thinking” Eren muttered, voice lower than before

“Well don’t think too hard brat” Levi was rewarded with Eren’s soft chuckle coming through the speakers. 

“I was just wondering, if you’d like to go out again? On another date. Un-unless you don’t want to that is.” Levi paused his dusting of the mantelpiece and looked at his phone propped up on the edge. He hadn’t really been expecting Eren to ask him out again so soon, had he been expecting Eren to ask him out again at all? He’d thought about perhaps offering to take the young man out in return, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to be that forward just yet. He definitely wanted to see Eren again though, to bask in the warmth that was his smile, to lose himself in those beautiful eyes. He just-he wasn’t sure if he was ready, hadn’t sorted out through the jumble of emotions. Would he ever though? He was vaguely aware that he was approaching an unacceptable amount of time without an answer. 

“Yeah, I’d like that. What did you have in mind?” Levi asked, resuming his dusting. 

“I was thinking that maybe we could go to the Christmas Fayre in a couple of weeks, Thursday evening is the best, it’ll be less crowded and we get first pick at the merchandise. It’s a hugely popular fayre, people travel all over to come to it.” 

Levi cringed, another crowded place, “Ok” he agreed before continuing. “Can we go somewhere, I don’t know, quieter afterwards… I just… I don’t really like crowds.”

“Oh God, Levi I’m so sorry, we don’t have to do the fayre, we can do something else. What do you like? You can pick something.” Eren was almost stumbling over his words, still trying to get out multiple apologies before Levi cut him off. God this kid was something else. 

“Its fine Eren, you sounded so excited, it makes me want to see it. I’d just- I’d like somewhere to unwind afterwards, if you know somewhere.” 

Eren was silent for a few moments, presumably giving it some thought. 

“Yeah.” He breathed. “Yeah, I’ve got somewhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Any feedback, ways I can improve etc, just let me know! Have a great weekend everyone.


	7. A woman of many threats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Hanji- as she schemes her way into meeting our favourite bartender and Levi needs some liquid courage to deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly had so much fun writing this chapter, and even going back over it and editing it, (which is my least favourite thing.) was amusing to me. I just love imagining how Hanji would act in this situation. Enjoy!! 
> 
> P.s. I swear a lot in this chapter, like an obscene amount... soooo... sorry about that.

It was midway through the following week, and Levi was at work, swamped under paperwork and cursing his insufferable subordinates. He sighed and threw down a handful of papers he’d been clutching and tugged at his collar with the other hand. The starched uniform feeling constricting and overbearing. It was at this prime moment that his colleague Hanji strolled into his office uninvited. “Leeeeevi” she practically sang his name, dragging it out unnecessarily. “I need your sign off on this paperwork, but more importantly.” She drawled, plonking herself down on Levi’s desk, before getting promptly shoved off and relocating herself in a chair with a giggle. “I hear things are going well with that cutie bartender. What’s his name? Eren?” she wiggled her eyebrows and cackled slapping her knee before sliding the paperwork across the desk. 

Levi picked up the folder and began to flick through it, eyes scanning at an impressive rate. “I don’t remember telling you shit, for a very specific reason, so who’d you hear it from?” he said with a coldly aggressive tone. 

Hanji was unfazed. “I didn’t hear it from anyone.” She smirked deviously 

“Fuck sake Hanji” Levi cried out, slamming the paperwork down on his desk. “If you’ve been going through my phone again, this is the sixth time I’ve changed the code, quit hacking my shit.” He glared at her, despite knowing it would do absolutely nothing. Hanji was on a level of her own, and she never seem put off or perturbed by Levi in any way. Whilst he was secretly glad that he couldn’t scare the woman away, it frustrated him to no end that she had no sense of privacy. 

“Oh, but it’s just so much fun seeing your reactions Levi.” She exclaimed clasping her hands together and looked as if she’d just received the happiest news of her life. “So…” she continued, wiggling her brows once more and leaning forwards, inching her way into Levi’s personal space, despite the desk between them. 

“So what?” he bit back.

“You like him.”

Levi scoffed, “I wouldn’t go on a date with somebody I didn’t like Hanji.” 

“You don’t go on dates period Levi, that’s my point. You really like him.” She paused and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I’m going to meet him.” 

Levi’s head reared back, and he barked out a cold laugh. “Yeah, not fucking happening. There’s no way I’m introducing him to you shitty glasses.” 

Hanji placed her hands on his desk, towering over him with a cold glint in her eyes, and it was at this moment that Levi remembered how lethal the woman could truly be. “I never said anything about being introduced.” She smirked wickedly, knowing that even though Levi was outwardly impassive. Internally he was squirming. “He works at that club right? Mirage? I haven’t been yet, but I guess I’ll be taking a little look around this weekend.” 

Levi huffed and ran a hand over his face, before pushing the strands of his undercut back and holding them there briefly before letting his hand drop back to his lap. “This is just your way of getting me to go on a night out with you again. After I swore not to.”

Hanji grinned madly. “Awww Levi, are you still sore about Veg-” 

“Don’t” he cut her off. “Don’t even mention it. I’ve banished it from my memory, I don’t need you dragging it back up again. It was traumatising enough the first time.” He shuddered, reaching for the cup of tea on his desk. 

“Anyway, I have no idea what you’re on about Levi, I would never concoct such schemes.” She said, trying to put on an innocent tone, hand to her chest. 

“Yeah, and you know there’s no way in hell that I’d let you near him without some kind of supervision, you’ll scare the kid off of any relationship in life, let alone just me.” 

Hanji stood up abruptly and tapped a finger on the paperwork from earlier. 

“Guess I’ll be seeing you this weekend then.” She said winking and leaving the office, her laughter ringing down the hallways. 

Levi grunted, draining his tea and stared at his desk hopelessly for a few seconds, before diving back into the ever growing pile of paperwork. 

~

It was one of those nights, were everything was just going wrong. They’d been five deep almost since the start of his shift, and it showed no sign of slowing down. Two of the bartenders were missing, they’d run to the cellar fifteen minutes ago, when they had started to run out of the reserve alcohol kept under the bar for busy nights, but where the fuck were they? The glasses weren’t getting replenished quickly enough, meaning shots were getting served in regular hi-balls and pints were put on hold. The service was slowing down, because everything around them was falling apart. They were low on change, and one of the card machines was on the blink again. Eren pulled down the tap to the Somersby for a half pint that he was serving in a backup plastic glass. It sputtered foam out everywhere. “Fuck” he cried. “Somersby’s out.” He yelled across to Krista and Connie, wiping the sticky suds from his face. 

“On it” Connie yelled back, ducking out the side of the bar towards the cellar. Much to the outrage of impatient customers. 

“Sorry bud.” Eren apologised to his customer. “It’s going to be a few minutes, unless you want something else.” 

The customer rolled their eyes and picked a different drink, which had Eren silently thanking the bartending gods, he was starting to lose track of who was waiting for the currently out of stock items. Eren passed the customer his drink and discounted the price for the inconvenience. Quickly moving on to the next person, not even making eye contact. At times like this, they didn’t flirt, didn’t engage in small talk or quick quips. Didn’t entertain people who couldn’t make up their mind or those people who’d been waiting, but still had to ask their friends two rows behind them what they wanted when it was their turn. No, they didn’t have time for any of that shit. It was serve and move on, and if you didn’t have your shit together then tough luck. He turned around and collided with Krista who barely managed to keep her drink from going down his shirt. He was slinging rounds out in epic time, but the tips were suffering. He couldn’t even bring himself to care though, he just wanted to get through this hell. Connie finally returned to the bar, “Somersby’s back on.” He said, and the pushed the other two bartenders with a little huff. “These two fuckers tried carrying all the bottles back at once and dropped them all, I caught them trying to clean it up and hide the evidence.” 

Eren shot them an angered glance. “Seriously guys, sort your fucking shit out. You can’t be doing that on nights like this.” 

“Pretty sure we don’t want to be wasting stock like that on any night Eren.” Krista yelled across the bar. 

“Oh you know what I fucking mean.” He spat bitterly. It wasn’t even half way through his shift, and he was tired, pissed off and his feet were already soaked in alcohol, thanks to a customer earlier that had managed to tip an entire round of drinks off of the edge of the bar, straight onto his shoes. 

Sweat was sticking his hair to his forehead and god knows what fluids were sticking his shirt to his skin. His mouth was dry, and his eyes were straining. Everything seemed overwhelming tonight, he was struggling to hear more than normal over the music and he was just so done. He looked along the bar memorising faces, trying to keep some semblance of an order in his mind when he spotted Levi and Erwin, and they were with someone he’d never seen before. A woman with a crazed look in her eyes, and a wild brown ponytail. Glasses were perched on the edge of her nose, and she kept shoving them back up every few seconds. Levi looked at him and nodded in greeting. Eren whipped his eyes away quickly. Oh god, why, why, why now? Any other time he’d be delighted to see Levi, but not tonight. Not when he was stressed beyond all belief and he didn’t even have the time to spare for a hello. When he finally made it to Levi, he winced at the over eager gaze the woman was giving him. Eyes raking up and down his body, but not in a lustful manner. No, it was something Eren couldn’t place and it was giving him the creeps. “Erwin, I got you.” Eren said already reaching for a glass and the vodka. “Levi, what are you and your… friend having?” Erwin nodded gratefully, but Levi seemed to be in a teasing mood. A confident smirk flitting around the edges of his mouth, Eren noticed his eyes were a little glassy and realised that he’d probably already had quite a bit to drink. 

“Well hello to you too Eren.” He said, smirk growing, and eyes travelling over Eren appreciatively. “Definitely thought you had better manners than that, that won’t do at all Eren.” His tone lowering as he said his name a second time. 

The brunette sighed and ran his hand through his hair, after giving Erwin his drink. “It’s really great to see you Levi, but I don’t exactly have time for this right now. We’ll talk later ok.” He could have sworn Levi almost pouted and the woman was patting his arm sympathetically. 

“Hey lover boy, quit your shitty flirting and hurry up and serve us, we’ve been here thirty minutes.” A random patron nearby cried out, waving his money angrily towards Eren. 

“Listen you douche canoe, you’ll get served when I fucking say you do, and if you keep your shitty attitude up then it won’t be at all.” Eren bit, rage filling his mind. He was so fucking done with tonight. 

“Not bad brat.” Levi said, and he suddenly seemed a little more like his normal self. “Whatever your best whiskey is, neat, and shitty glasses here.” He said pointing at the woman with his thumb “will have a beer. Don’t care what kind. Actually no, your worst one.” 

“Levi.” She whined, shaking him back and forth. “I wanted shots!!” 

“I don’t give a damn what you want four eyes, get the fuck off of me.” Eren couldn’t help but watch the exchange over his shoulder as he prepared the drinks. It was clear Levi wasn’t reciprocating the strange affection, but he still couldn’t help the twinge of jealously that sparked in his gut as he watched the woman drape her arms around Levi’s neck and spoke into his ear. 

Eren caught the woman’s eye, and hurriedly looked away, finishing up the round.  
He placed the drinks in front of them, took the payment and smiled apologetically at Levi before moving onto the next customer, without any further conversation. 

The night was passing by in a blur, but it was finally slowing down enough that Eren could sneak to the toilet. He glanced across the club, at where the staff toilets were and decided it wasn’t worth the hassle of pushing through the crowd. He’d just use the customer ones instead. It wasn’t until he was washing his hands that he caught the face of the woman who’d been at the bar with Levi in the mirror. He whirled around speechless. “What- This-” he spluttered, unable to form a full sentence. “This is the mensroom, you can’t be in here.” He finally managed to choke out. Face quickly turning red. 

“Oh sweetie, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” She stepped forward with a menacing glint in her eye and offered a hand. “Hanji.” She said. “One of Levi’s closest friends and trusted colleague.” Her hand closed around Eren’s and gripped firmly. Eren found himself nodding, but he was sceptical of this character. Who just waltzed into the opposite sex toilets to introduce themselves? 

“Eren” he replied. 

“Oh I know who you are sweetie.” She looked him up and down. “There’s no need to be so jealous Eren, I’m not a threat, at least not in the manner you’re thinking.” She waved her hand in his face and Eren finally spotted the wedding band. He felt himself relax, he hadn’t even realised that he was that bothered by her. 

“Wait.” He said finally catching onto her choice of words. “What do you mean, not in the manner I’m thinking?” 

“Well, I am a threat of sorts. Because you see, our dear little Levi doesn’t get close to people Eren. He’s trying to let himself get close to you. Close your mouth dear, I’m not finished.” 

Eren snapped his jaw shut, protests dying on his tongue. God this woman was scary. 

“I know you think you’ve barely begun to get to know each other, but trust me, Levi is letting you in and I can tell that you already care for him a great deal too. It’s obvious in the way that you look at him.” She stepped even closer and ran a nail up Eren’s chest, over his throat and finished by pushing his chin up. “But let me tell you this. If you hurt him, I will not hesitate in the slightest to castrate you.”

She paused for dramatic effect, and then a wildness lit up in her eyes. “I know how to do it too. You’d be surprised how many articles there are about it. Google gives you everything!” She stepped back and patted his chest with a friendly smile. “Ok pumpkin?” she asked, but she didn’t wait for a response. Simply turning on her heel and leaving the bathroom with a swish of her brown ponytail and a wave over her shoulder. 

Eren gaped after, before shaking his head and exhaling a weak laugh. What the actual fuck was that? He’d never been threatened before, and whilst he had absolutely no plans to do anything to warrant her following through, he had to admit it was still rather intimidating. He was sure if things didn’t work out between the two of them, that they could be adult and civil about it. There was no need for anyone to get hurt. Eren hoped it wouldn’t ever get to that point though, he was inexplicably drawn to the man. He ran his hand through his hair once, tousling the messy locks even further and took himself back behind the bar. 

It wasn’t until nearly closing time that the rush finally dwindled and Eren could breathe. The mess behind the bar was of an astronomical level and he wasn’t looking forward to cleaning up. He took a quick moment to check his phone, when he felt someone looking at him. Glancing up, he was greeted with a rather tipsy Levi at the bar. He smirked when Eren looked at him and waved him over. “Eren” he said reaching out to grab the younger man’s shirt, crumpling it in his fist and brining him closer. “This is Hanji.” He said, letting go abruptly. Hanji cackled and grinned at Eren, though the suspicious gleam in her eyes remained. 

“I know” Eren said, reluctant to continue a conversation in her presence. He saw Levi shoot a glance at Hanji, full of anger and questioning. “We bumped into each other on my way to the bathroom.” Eren lied skilfully, knowing the question behind Levi’s eyes. Levi nodded, but still kept glancing at Hanji with a grimace. 

“Well, now that the unnecessary formalities are out of the way, I’m going to dance.” Hanji declared with a little twirl, as she scurried off to the dancefloor. 

Levi shook his head briefly before reaching his hand towards Eren’s. 

“You’re rather forward tonight Levi.” Eren teased, smirking slyly. “Is this a preview of what I get to look forward to if I ply you with enough alcohol?”

Levi huffed and started to withdraw his hand before Eren snatched it in his own. 

“I’m trying Eren. I mean, the alcohol helps a little, but mainly this is just me… trying. I know we’ve only had one date, and there’s still so much we have to learn about each other, but I-I.” He inhaled deeply through his nose. “I like you Eren, so this is me trying to show you that.” 

Eren broke into an uncontrollable grin. Even though Levi had basically said as much on their date it was nice to hear him say it so simply. He liked him! “I’m glad Levi, because I like you too. We have plenty of time to learn about each other. Let’s just take it slow. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way. So don’t push yourself, if you’re not ready to take certain steps just let me know.” Eren spoke as softly as he could in the loud environment, thumb grazing over the top of Levi’s hand in a soothing motion. Levi’s gaze softened as he found himself unable to look away from Eren’s mesmerising eyes. He nodded, and lowered his gaze to look at their entwined hands, a warm fuzzy feeling stirring in his stomach and spreading through his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I'm currently working on chapter 9/10, so we're slowly growing towards slower updates, unless a miracle happens and I pump out like 3 chapters in the next week. Doubtful. As usual let me know if you have any feedback. I hope you're all having, or have had a great weekend. 
> 
> P.s. I know it's crazy unlikely that Eren would have been alone with Hanji in the restroom, buuuut work with me here.


	8. Moonlight Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys share some emotional moments and go on their long awaited second date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola everyone, hope you are all well and that you enjoy this chapter.

Lying in their respective beds, little did they know their positions matched one another’s. Each on their back, staring at the ceiling. Levi’s phone on speaker, settled in the middle of his chest. Eren’s on the pillow next to his head. “Favourite colour?” Eren whispered, as if speaking at a normal level would disturb the intimacy they’d managed to create over the phone, discussing daily affairs as if they were secret dreams and desires. 

“Black” There was a pause, “You?”

“Yellow” Eren supplied happily. 

“Hmm, I could have guessed that actually. It suits you.” 

Eren toyed with the hem of his shirt as he listened to the low timbre of Levi’s voice through the phone.   
“Tell me about your family.” He asked, the desire to know Levi beyond the basics growing stronger every day. 

There was another pause, this one stretching out until the atmosphere was tense, causing Eren to squirm slightly. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up, but surely that was something you were supposed to learn about each other? 

Still silence. “My mother passed away a long time ago.” Eren started rambling, emptying years of grief, pulling it out of the crevices of his broken soul. “It still hurts though, I don’t think you ever truly get over it, you just learn how to live with it.” He took a deep breath before continuing, speed increasing. He’d never really talked about his grief before, not even in simple terms as these. “My father remarried a couple of years back, she’s nice enough, but I don’t really feel like we’re a family. Although my father and I haven’t really gotten along since my mum’s death, so I guess we haven’t been a family for a long time. I think- I think he blames me.” It took him a moment to realise he was crying, he wiped his eyes with his sleeve and tried to refrain from sniffing, he didn’t want to Levi to know. “I have a sister, but she’s all the way across the country at university. I don’t see her much anymore.” She wanted to get as far away from Grisha as possible. Eren couldn’t bring himself to voice that part though.

“I don’t have a family.” Levi finally broke his silence. “Not anymore anyway, the only ones who are left don’t matter.” He paused again, voice gruff, cracking. It was evident it pained him to talk about it. Yet here he was, sharing this part of himself with Eren. “I never knew my father, my mother died when I was very young. I had siblings once, well not blood, but they might as well have been. They’re gone too.” He let out a shaky breath. “Now the closest thing I have to a family is Hanji and Erwin, they’re both a pain in the ass, but they know me… and no one else really does.” 

“I want to know you” Eren breathed, chest rising heavily. He was crying profusely now, as silently as he could. Levi’s confession broke him. He wanted to burden his grief, strip it from him so that he might never have to sound so distraught again. He could hear it, underneath the slow rhythm of his speech, like a secret code, that only those who’d been through the same pain could hear. 

Levi’s breath hitched at the soft admission, throat constricting as the dark clouds of his inner mind rolled in, the self-loathing and fear spilling out freely, consuming him. Too much, too soon. 

“Favourite T.V. show” he said, switching abruptly back to less emotional topics, leaving Eren to try and ignore the sharp stab of pain in his heart.   
͠

The two weeks had flown by, and the winter air had grown even harsher. The chill seeping through layers and settling bone deep. Eren stood at the foot of the cathedral where he’d agreed to meet Levi for their second date. Wrapped up in a thick cream cable knit sweater, another scarf and beanie set and a thick light grey woollen coat. Legs clad in charcoal skinny jeans, tucked into thick black boots. He had his hands shoved into his pockets, fingerless gloves not doing much to combat the cold, rocking back and forth on his heels as he waited. It was already dark, despite it only being early evening and one or two stars peeked through in the otherwise clouded sky. He started humming to himself, a distraction from the bitter cold, whilst alternating the rocking with bouncing on his toes. The echo of footsteps in the distance, broke him out of his reverie and he turned his head towards the sound. Unable to quite make out the figure in the distance, but he held no doubt it would be Levi. He started walking, meeting the figure halfway. As he came closer he took in Levi’s appearance, head down, but not enough to hide the rosy blush that danced across his cheeks courtesy of the winter winds. He had a thick plaid scarf wrapped around his neck, with the ends tucked into his coat, familiar black skinny jeans and boots peeked out from underneath. 

“Hey” Eren said raising a hand when he was in earshot. Levi’s head shot up, and he raised a gloveless hand of his own, before rapidly shoving it back into the limited warmth of his pocket. Eren couldn’t help the smile that formed as his gaze lingered over Levi’s face. “Thanks for coming.” He said, grin growing even wider. 

Levi huffed, and tucked his nose into his scarf before mumbling. “You don’t have to thank me Eren.” He stopped shortly in front of the brunette, not meeting his gaze, shoulders shifting in his coat. 

“I don’t have to, but I want to because I enjoy spending time with you, and I know that this isn’t really your kind of thing, and it seems like I’m making you do a lot that perhaps you wouldn’t usually do… So thank you.” Levi merely nodded in response, and gestured down the path that would lead them to the town centre. 

“Do you come to this every year?” Levi questioned as they slowly made their way down the secluded path, the foreboding presence of the Cathedral towering over them as they walked. 

Eren nodded, “Well, every year that I’m the country anyway. I used to come with my mum, if I keep the tradition alive it hurts a little less ya know?” 

Levi’s brow furrowed as he looked at Eren, as he saw the pain hidden behind a radiant smile. A pain he knew all too well, a pain he wished Eren didn’t have to suffer. 

“So you’re big on Christmas then?” He asked, still watching Eren closely

His smiled faltered, and he chewed his lip, glancing at Levi nervously. 

“I guess. I mean, I love Christmas. I love spoiling my friends, I love the food and the carols, the decorations. I adore that festive feeling, the joyous atmosphere.” He paused, biting his lip harder. “But Christmas is… difficult at home. It feels fake.” He blinked back the tears that were forming furiously, he would not cry on this date. Jesus Eren, this is supposed to be fun!

Levi sighed, and stepped slightly closer to Eren, until his arm brushed against his. It was his pathetic attempt at comfort, letting him know he was here. “I don’t really do Christmas.” Eren stilled slightly at Levi’s words, faltering in his step before quickly returning to his natural rhythm. “Too many bad memories.” He was looking at the ground as he spoke, too cowardly to meet Eren’s gaze for fear of what he might find there. “In fact, this will be the first Christmas event I’ve willingly participated in a long time.” He smirked slightly thinking about what Hanji and Erwin would say if they knew what he was doing at this very moment. 

“Well” Eren began, a shy smile forming. “I’ll have to make sure we create some good memories tonight then.” 

At that simple statement all of the breath rushed out of Levi’s chest. His mouth gaped, and his eyes snapped to Eren, taking in his suddenly timid appearance. The bright green eyes however, were alight with determination and something that Levi could only pinpoint as devotion. He drew in a shaky breath before smiling slightly at Eren, praying it wasn’t as wavering as he felt. “Yeah.” He agreed, arm brushing against Eren’s once more. 

They turned into the main street, and were met with a small crowd of people, all making their way to the fair. Levi took in his surroundings. Garlands had been hung everywhere, and lights twinkled in the growing darkness. Children were running through the crowds, chased after by exasperated parents and the smell of mulled wine permeated the air. Shops were open uncharacteristically late and carols could be heard faintly over the mix of voices from the crowd. He felt a small tug on his sleeve and he looked down to see Eren’s hand gripping the end of it firmly, his gaze travelled up to Eren’s face, looking down at him with a twinkling smile. Inclining his head towards an alley “Come on, this way.” He said. Levi followed without protest. The alley was considerably less crowded, and it was clear Eren was taking them this way so that Levi had to deal with the crowds as little as possible. His heart warmed at the thought, and he tried to will away the feeling, but it only grew as he caught Eren looking at him warmly. 

“What?” he tried to snap, but there was no bite behind his tone. 

Eren shook his head, chuckling to himself quietly. “Nothing” he breathed out. The alley opened out onto the town square, where hundreds of stalls were set up, the carolling noticeably louder, and the scent of different foods mingled together. “Ok,” Eren said as if getting ready to make a game plan. His eyes scanning the stalls, searching. “Ah there” he pointed towards a little stall with a purple flag flying overhead, Glϋwhein printed on it in bold yellow letters. 

“A little taste of your heritage?” Levi raised his brow

“Something like that.” Eren snorted. “It’s the first stall I go to. Family run, and completely authentic. It takes me back to my childhood, for me it’s a taste of nostalgia.” He smiled to himself, cheeks rosy. “I think you’ll like it though, it chases away the cold.” 

Levi hummed appreciatively, genuinely curious to have a taste of something that Eren seemed to hold so dear. They joined the small queue and Eren dug around in his pockets for his wallet. 

“You paid last time Eren.” Levi said placing a hand on his arm. “I’ll get this.” 

Eren shook his head, and gently shrugged off Levi’s hand. “What did I tell you on our last date?” he smiled cheekily, fingers finally grasping his wallet and he pulled it out with a flourish. 

“Eren.” Levi said sternly, before his tone quickly gave way to embarrassment. He ran his hands quickly through his hair. “Look, you’re so much more confident and forward than I am. I feel like you’ll always end up asking me first, and if that’s the case I’m not having you pay forever. That’s ridiculous. I want to get this… please.” He said the last word so quietly, Eren barely heard him, but it didn’t matter he was too focused on what Levi had said before that. He’d said forever. Eren didn’t know if Levi was genuinely thinking about this being something long term, something that would never end, or if it was just a slip of the tongue, a minor dramatic in their silly tussle over who would pay, but he could hope. He would hope, he’d hold onto it with everything he had. 

“I’ll tell you what.” Eren said playfully. “You’ve got to at least let me get this stall. Any other stalls we stop at, if you want to pay I promise I won’t fight you on it. Ok?” 

They were only two away from the front now, and Eren was grinning happily at him, although he wasn’t really sure why. “Fine” he relented and shoved his hands back into his pocket, ignoring the little hiss of victory that escaped Eren’s mouth. 

“Gunther” Eren cried happily as they reached the front and were met by a smiling man, with a crop of short brown hair that came to a point. The man paused in his stirring and quickly untied his apron, coming out from the back of the stall, and quickly pulled Eren into a firm embrace, patting his back before he released him. Eren kept his hand on Gunther’s shoulder, beaming, as he looked behind towards Levi, beckoning him forward with a jerk of his chin. 

“Oh, a new friend this year?” Gunther questioned following Eren’s gaze. 

“Uh yeah.” Eren said sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. “Gunther this is Levi. I’m er-showing him around the fayre.” Gunther looked between the two of them with a smirk, and clapped Eren on the back once more before returning to his place on the stall. He grabbed two glass mugs, and filled them with steaming dark liquid and passed them across, before ducking down to grab something else, wrapped up in a checked cheesecloth. He smiled at the two of them before passing that over as well. “Lebkuchen?” Eren asked excitedly, pulling the bundle close to his chest. 

Gunther laughed and nodded. “It’s great to see you again Eren. Take care yeah?” 

Eren slid a folded note across the top of the stall and smiled, nodding “Thanks Gunther, you’re the best. Bye guys.” He called to the other two men manning the stall, and they waved at Eren as he moved to make way for other customers. He looked at Levi, who was stood beside him with a questioning gaze. “I’ve been coming to this stall a long time. Gunther took over from his father a couple of years back. They make the best Glϋwhein. Go ahead, take a sip. Tell me what you think.” 

Levi looked at the hot drink he was cradling in his hands, before bringing it to his mouth for a tentative sip. His eyes widened in surprise as he drank the smooth spicy beverage, the sharp flavours melding together, creating a comforting experience. “You’re right. It does chase away the cold.” He said smiling at Eren over the top of the cup, warmth spreading through him. “So what’s in the cloth?” He asked eyeing the bundle that Eren had since tucked under his arm. 

“Cookies.” Eren beamed back at him. “They go great with the Glϋwhein.” He paused, looking around slightly. “We should try and find somewhere to sit so we can have a few.” Levi spied an old bench, through the stalls, to the back of the square.

“Over there.” He said nodding with his head, starting to walk, not quite waiting for Eren to agree.   
They pushed easily through the crowd, the masses flocking to the stalls, away from the direction they were heading. Reaching the bench Levi sat down, flinching and emitting a hiss at the harsh coldness of the surface, ripping through his layers as if he were wearing nothing at all. Eren let out a bubbly laugh at his expense, and sat down close to Levi, so close their thighs were pressed up against one another. Eren placed the bundle atop his knees, and balanced his drink next to him. Fingers moving deftly, he undid the knot of the cloth and let it fall down. The scent of fresh spiced cookies wafting up to greet them. Levi watched as Eren unconsciously licked his lips before looking over to meet his gaze. He angled his knees towards Levi slightly. Urging the other man to take one. Levi reached out and picked up one of the cookies, bringing it to his nose to smell it before taking a tentative bite. It melted on his tongue, the warm cinnamon and ginger blending perfectly with the drink. “They’re good.” He said, taking another, slightly larger bite. Eren grinned and took one for himself, eating much less delicately than Levi, stuffing almost all of the cookie in his mouth at once, crumbs falling everywhere. Levi wrinkled his nose, but couldn’t help the small twitch of his lips as he fought back a smile at the sight. They ate in silence until Levi declared that he couldn’t possibly eat any more, and Eren wrapped the bundle back up. They remained on the bench, hands cradling the now empty glasses and gazed out at the fayre. The bustle of people weaving in and out amongst each other. The tinkling laughter of young children carrying over the music and the lights casting an ethereal glow on the cathedral that loomed in the background. 

“Shall we?” Eren asked, waving his hand towards the stalls. Levi nodded and stood, brushing down his jeans, putting one hand in his pocket, but leaving one hand free. A hint, a desire, a plea. Eren followed suit, gathering up the cookies gingerly under his arm, looping his pinkie through the handles of both of their empty mugs, and taking Levi’s free hand in his other. Smiling softly when he felt Levi weave his fingers between his own, clasping their palms together tightly. He looked down at him, but Levi’s gaze was fixed solidly in the distance, the light blush dancing across his cheeks, growing deeper with each passing moment. Eren pulled Levi forward, back towards the throng of people. They slipped through the crowds, stopping at anything that caught their interest. It was mainly Eren halting them, like a magpie, attracted by anything bright and shiny. Levi watched him reverently as he ‘oohed and ahhd’ at decorations, magnificently decorated cakes and beautiful wooden carvings. He couldn’t help but buy a box of chocolates when he saw how impressed Eren was with the hand piping, watching the chocolate makers at work, eyes wide with amazement, like a child. Couldn’t help the small swell of pride at the smile Eren gave him when he handed across the chocolates. He put that smile there. The evening wore on, and the crowds became heavier, the music louder and the air was thick, unbreathable, filled with the scents of food and the undeniable odour that only came from a large group of people in an enclosed space. He thought Eren must have been able to tell he was becoming uncomfortable, must have been able to sense from the way his hand twitched and clenched in his, in the way that he pressed himself closer to Eren as they fought their way through people, at the way his other hand came out from his pocket to clutch at the back of Eren’s coat desperately, because his suggestion that they leave couldn’t have been more timely. Levi swallowed, his throat dry and a headache beginning to form behind his eyes. He nodded to Eren, and let the younger man steer him towards the exiting streets. “Still want to go to my quiet place?” Eren asked once they were free of the bulk of the crowd and were heading down a street that Levi was unfamiliar with. Levi nodded, swallowing once again, trying to regain a normal sensation in his throat. He followed as Eren led them down streets that he’d never been before, twisting and turning through alleys, walking past old buildings that reminded him how much history lay in this old country town. The buildings appeared less and less, and trees began to take their place, wild winter flowers cropping up on the sides of the path, until suddenly the path was more grass and dirt than stone. Levi looked around curiously, they were coming up to a river, with an old rickety wooden bridge ahead, that lead straight into the darkness of the woods.   
“If this is where you bring your victims Eren, I should warn you now. I know I’m small, but you won’t take me down. I can guarantee you that.” His voice cold, even though he was joking. Slightly.   
Eren chuckled quietly, “Yeah, I can see why you would say that. I know it looks sketchy, but just trust me, it’ll be worth it.” He paused, looking down at Levi, squinting slightly to make out his features in the dark. “And if not, then I guess I’ll just get my ass handed to me won’t I?”   
Levi snorted, shaking his head and following Eren blindly, footsteps thundering over the bridge, echoing and resounding into the night, only to be swallowed by the thick woodland moments later. Eren dragged him through thick brush, branches grasping, clutching at his clothes, roots tripping him up, and the bed of fallen leaves dragging him down, sucking at his ankles. It wasn’t long until they had to let go of each other in favour of moving branches out of the way, detangling hair that had gotten snagged, or for bracing themselves on a trunk if they stumbled. Finally they broke into a small clearing and Levi froze, astounded. The sky had cleared, and the moon lit up the clearing so brightly that the damps leaves on the forest floor shone like silver, the clearing dipped down to greet the river that flowed through the middle, shallow enough that they could walk in it if they so wished. Eren sat down on a fallen tree, placing his elbows on his knees and resting his chin in his hand, he looked out across the river, across to more woodland that was sparser, opening up into a field beyond. It was a stunning, ethereal sight. “Beautiful” Levi whispered, coming to sit near Eren. He tucked his hands between his legs and squeezed them tightly together, eyes following the gentle flow of the river.   
“I used to come here to think, when I just needed to get away. I always feel at peace here, like I’m part of something, not just drifting along in the world. If I close my eyes.” Levi watched as he did just that, head tipping back, chocolate tresses falling away from his forehead and lips parted taking in soft shallow breaths. “If I listen, I can hear the trees moving, leaves rustling and it’s like they’re whispering, if I listen I don’t feel so alone.”   
Levi’s chest constricted, “Eren” he breathed out, voice hoarse. He watched as Eren’s eyes slowly opened and his head tipped towards him, hair falling over his eyes slightly, as they gazed deeply at each other. Their bodies angling towards each other unknowingly, Levi’s hands moving to press against Eren’s knees, leaning forward as he did so. Looking up, still holding Eren’s gaze, before breaking suddenly to roam over his face. The flush of his cheeks, the way his skin looked in the moonlight, before settling on his lips, wet from the tongue that kept darting out, plump and trembling slightly. He couldn’t tear his gaze from them, unaware that Eren was doing the same. Drinking Levi in, revelling in his beauty, at how truly unearthly he looked in the night, like something far too precious for this world. Something he didn’t deserve, yet somehow here he was, his alone in this moment. Taking in his chiselled features, the sharp angles casting shadows over his face, his smooth lips, parted, waiting. Neither of them had felt themselves move, hadn’t realised how close they were until they felt each other’s breath hot on their cheeks, breathing in one another, still moving; until their lips were touching and their eyes were fluttering shut, Eren’s hands had found their place, one on Levi’s cheek, cradling his face, drawing him closer in against him. The other at the back of his neck, fingers toying with the short hairs of his undercut. Nothing but lips moving softly, silently against one another. Gentle, slow, an introduction, a glance into the future, this is what it could be like, always, this feeling of completeness. Of contentment. Levi gripped Eren’s knees tightly, a contrast to the softness of the kiss. He felt dizzy, Eren was everywhere, overloading his senses. Eren was all he could feel in more ways than one and he utterly relished it, loved the feeling of Eren’s lips moving softly against his, and he never knew how much he could need someone before that moment, never knew he could crave somebody so desperately from a kiss alone. Never felt so at peace before, and that was something he couldn’t let go. Hands came up to grip the lapels of Eren’s coat, pulling him against him, harder, but not rough, tongue licking gently at Eren’s bottom lip, coaxing an opening; slipping inside. Tasting, twisting and exploring Eren’s mouth, committing it all to memory, until they finally parted, breaths coming soft and fast, still clinging to each other, lips slick with spit and pinker than before. Eyes once again darting over each other’s faces, looking at each other in a newfound light. Eren broke into a smile, bringing his forehead down to rest against Levi’s, as their hands slowly fell from their places, only to find each other again in their laps, fingers intertwining, stealing warmth from one another. Their soft breaths eventually drowned out by the sound of the river on its slow, steady journey, cutting through the still of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, things are moving on a little bit now! Let me know what you guys think.


	9. Age is just a number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys spend some more time together and Levi tells a little white lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a filler chapter I'm afraid here guys, but necessary for future events.

The kiss was something of a catalyst for them, pushing them even closer together, causing them to clutch at each other desperately. They spoke every moment they could spare, saw each other almost every day and kissed even more. Quick coffee meets before work in the morning, dinner in the evenings. Brief walks in the park, all followed by the desperate meeting of lips. It was a late Sunday morning when Levi invited Eren, rather sheepishly, to come back to his after they’d finished their breakfast at a café. Settled in the warm comfort of Levi’s car, Eren allowed his gaze to flit over to the raven haired man, smiling sweetly to himself, his thoughts began to wander. He tried to picture Levi’s house, what would it be like? He couldn’t imagine it to be full of knick knacks. He wasn’t really sure what the older man’s style was, he was certainly intrigued though. The car ride was entirely silent, and devoid of touching. Levi turned the car into a small drive covered in delicate gravel. Switching off the engine and spinning the keys on his fingers, he looked at Eren briefly before getting out of the car and heading towards the white door with a single brass knocker. He unlocked it, pushing it open, the door swinging inwards as he stepped aside, gesturing for Eren to go first. Eren took a step into the narrow hallway, toeing off his shoes and placing them out of the way, underneath the coat rack. He shrugged off his jacket and hung it up before looking at Levi over his shoulder, silently seeking permission to explore the house. Levi merely raised an eyebrow and squeezed passed Eren and walked into the adjoining room. The brunette followed, suddenly feeling timid, eyes darting everywhere. The living room was rather minimalistic, but still felt cosy. A large black and grey corner sofa was up against the wall at the far end of the room, and at the opposite end, in front of the window was a large T.V. There was bricked up fireplace, filled to the brim with all sorts of books, some clearly so well loved that the spines were illegible. The mantle held no decorative items and shined bright with polish. The plush carpeting still held vacuum lines, and a warm throw was folded perfectly and placed on top of the ottoman that sat near the sofa. Levi had strolled through an open archway that Eren could only assume lead to a kitchen, judging by the clinking sounds that followed. He stepped across the carpet gingerly, rather nervous about upsetting the air of perfection the house held. He’d obviously noticed that Levi was rather particular about things, but looking around at how utterly spotless everything was, how orderly, he was starting to wonder if Levi wasn’t a little bit OCD. Stepping through the archway, he spied Levi with his back to the stove, an old fashioned kettle sitting on top of the gas cooker, two cups sat on the side and Levi was reaching up, standing on his tip toes, pulling a square tin down from the top shelf of a cupboard. 

“I’m pretty sure we just had tea at breakfast.” Eren teased, noticing the slight tense in Levi’s shoulders as he spoke, as if the other man had forgotten he was there. 

“I was sure you’d be snooping around upstairs by now.” The dark haired man shot him an undecipherable gaze over his shoulder before returning to the tin in front of him. “My tea is better.” He added on, tone a little petulant. 

Eren couldn’t tell if Levi was joking, or if he’d genuinely expected him to nose around the house.   
“If you’re going to give me a tour, then I’d love that. Otherwise, I don’t really care to look around. The only thing I came here for is right in front of me.” He leant up against the side of the archway, crossing his arms, eyes roving across the expanse of Levi’s clearly toned back, muscles rippling clearly through the shirt as he took the kettle off of the stove and began to steep the tea. 

“Come here brat.” Levi uttered softly, turning around to face Eren as he crossed the kitchen, closing the distance between them. Eren stepped close enough to press his chest against Levi’s, tipping his chin upwards with a single finger, before bringing his mouth down, pressing against the other man’s in a soft, chaste kiss. He pulled away and laughed at the slight scowl Levi had on his face, before accepting the teacup that Levi was pressing into his hands. He took a sip and tried not to grimace at the strong flavour. “You don’t like it.” It was a statement rather than a question. Levi sipped his quietly, holding his by the rim with the edge of his fingers. 

Eren quirked a brow at the odd grip, how did he not notice that previously? He decided not to question it. He took another smaller sip and couldn’t control his facial features this time, brows furrowing and nose scrunching up as his mouth twisted into a thin line. “It’s rather bitter.” He admitted. 

Levi huffed and turned back around, reaching for the same cupboard, shirt rising up slightly, leaving a strip of pale skin on display as he reached even further, slowly pulling a another tin forward and down onto the counter. Levi took the cup from Eren’s hands, and added two teaspoons of sugar from the tin, before passing it back to him. 

Eren took another sip, and was pleasantly surprised at how much less bitter it was. The musky flavour now gentle.

“Well” Levi prompted, having finished his cup already and placing it in the sink. 

“It’s better.” Eren said taking another, heartier sip. “Thank you.” 

Levi smirked, and Eren was sure he was muttering something under his breath about how he was such a child, but he couldn’t be sure. He finished his tea quickly, Levi moving to take the cup almost instantly, washing them both up, drying them immediately and placing everything back in the cupboards before wiping down the surfaces. 

Eren observed everything with a raised brow, Levi was most definitely OCD. 

It wasn’t until later, once they were comfortably nestled together on the sofa, watching T.V. that Eren had a sudden realisation. “Hey” he cried, sitting bolt upright and grabbing Levi’s arm, earning himself a raised eyebrow and a non-committal grunt from the other man. “You know what I just realised, we’ve never spoken about our birthdays, I mean, I don’t even know how old you are. I know you’re older than me, but yeah… when is your birthday?” 

Levi flicked his gaze away from the T.V. and let it roam briefly over Eren’s face, before returning to the screen, not really taking in anything. He hoped he wasn’t too obviously tense, but he really didn’t want to share his birthday with Eren, not yet anyway. He had no doubt Eren would want to do something for him, and he just couldn’t deal with that. “Does it matter?” He asked, tone indicating indifference. 

“Of course it matters.” Eren pressed, clutching his arm even harder. “I think it’s something important to know about each other.” 

Levi huffed slightly and glanced at Eren once more. “I’m 31” he admitted, mouth pressing firmly into a thin line. “My birthday…” he paused, shuffling on the sofa slightly. “Isn’t anytime soon. So don’t worry about that part for now.” Lies, absolute lies his mind berated him. 

“Wow, you look so much younger than that.” Eren’s eyes were wide and he was pressing himself even closer to Levi, before sitting back on his haunches, still holding onto the elders arm. “I’m 21, and my birthday is March 30th.” He winked cheekily before continuing. “So you know, you’ve got plenty of time to think about what to get me.” He finally released Levi’s arm and sat back into a more comfortable position, nestling into the other man’s side, until Levi placed his arm along the back of the sofa, making more room. 

Levi smiled slightly at Eren’s cheeky comment, but it fell quickly as he thought about the age gap. His guesses weren’t far off, but hearing it out loud made him feel acutely uncomfortable. Sighing, he let his fingertips curl around Eren’s shoulder, pressing him closer into his side. There was nothing to be done about it now, he was already too far in to let something like age bother him, and Eren didn’t seem the slightest bit perturbed by it, so that was something. 

“What are you doing for Christmas Levi?” Eren muttered quietly, not moving from his position, fingers tangling themselves in the hem of Levi’s shirt. “I know you said you’re not big on it, but…you’re not going to spend it here alone are you?” 

Levi’s stomach swooped at the tenderness in Eren’s voice. He moved his hand from Eren’s shoulder, to card through his hair instead, and then tilting his own head to rest his cheek on top of Eren’s hair. Speaking softly into the chocolate tresses. “No, Hanji’s husband is deployed, and Erwin would never let me spend it alone, even if I begged. We’ll be spending it together.” He’d rather spend it alone though, he didn’t want to drag his friends down any further than they already were. They would never allow it though, not in a million years, so they’d just be a sad mess together. 

“Ok.” Eren’s voice was light and breathy and he nuzzled his face further into Levi’s side. Levi stayed with his face in Eren’s hair, breath blowing the tresses with each exhale, until he heard the young man’s breath even out and realised he’d fallen asleep, tucked tightly into his side. Levi let his head fall against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes, if only sleep came so easily to him he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Thanks to all those who have left kudos and comments, I've really enjoyed reading them all. Hope you're having, or have had a great weekend.


	10. Christmas lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas day festivities, although maybe not so festive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of fluff because we all need some fluff on Christmas day, and some foundation for the later angst.

The pounding on the door was incessant, and as much as he wanted to ignore it, he knew that wasn’t an option. Trudging reluctantly towards the front door he threw it open with unnecessary force and glared at the faces he was met with. “You’re early” he snarled, dodging the attempted hug as Hanji pranced inside, arms outstretched, clutching a stocking with neatly wrapped gifts peering out of the top. Erwin stepped in behind her, offering a warm smile as he removed his scarf. Hanji grinned manically and pressed the stocking into Levi’s chest. “Well this is different.” He said raising a brow and looking at the stocking. “I hope to god you brought the traditional gift as well, because we both know the only way I can cope with you today is if I’m drunk off of my fucking ass.” 

Hanji reached into the tote bag slung on her shoulder and produced two large bottles of whiskey. “Of course.” She chimed happily. “Merry Christmas and Happy birthday.” Raising each one respectively. “That’s not from me though”, nodding towards the stocking as she made her way into the living room, placing the alcohol on the mantle before throwing herself down on the sofa. “Wonder who it could be from?” she teased merrily, Levi and Erwin followed her into the room. Erwin sat by her on the large sofa, whilst Levi stood, staring down at the stocking in his hands. 

“It was hanging on your door handle when we arrived.” Erwin supplied, sensing Levi’s silent question. 

“We should take a look around back.” Hanji suggested “I bet he left a birthday version somewhere too.” She sounded giddy, eyes sparkling with excitement, too caught up in the idea to notice the subtle clenching of Levi’s jaw and the way his fingers tightened momentarily on the stocking. 

It didn’t pass by Erwin though. “Or he would have.” There was a pause and all the attention was focused directly on the tall blonde. “If Levi had told him it was his birthday.” He leant back, a sad smile forming on his face. 

Levi shot a vicious glare towards the blonde, “You always were too fucking perceptive for your own good.”

Hanji’s previous mirth had completely dissipated, she was now leaning forwards, elbows upon her knees, fingertips pressed together as she looked at the raven haired man over the top of her glasses. “That’s messed up Levi.” Nobody said anything, and Levi pulled himself upright, refusing to break under her heavy gaze. “You can’t outrun your demons forever.” She added more softly. 

Levi clenched his jaw, failing to force the anger back down from where it was bubbling dangerously in his gut. “I know.” He grit out. “I fucking know.” He finally placed the stocking down, setting it gently on the ottoman. Gaze never leaving it as the heated venom in his voice began to rise. “If I’d told him, he’d want to be here, he’d want to share it with me. Then what? I don’t know how to fucking do this shit.” His gaze tore abruptly from the stocking and found Hanji’s. “I can’t disappoint him this early on.” His voice lost all of its strength and his shoulders slumped forward as he dropped his gaze to the carpet. Hanji sat back and sighed, she’d never seen Levi like this and as much as she wanted him to open up, let somebody in, let himself be loved. She could tell how difficult this was for him. It went against everything in his very being. 

“I think it’s about time for that whisky, don’t you?” She questioned, the uncomfortable atmosphere slinking away as Levi huffed, impassive mask falling back into place. 

They drank, ate junk food and joked until Hanji had passed out on the sofa, glasses askew and a small pile of drool forming underneath her cheek. Erwin had stumbled towards the guest room and had promptly fallen asleep if the rumbling snores were anything to go by. Levi stood for a moment, eyeing the stocking that still lay on the ottoman, before picking it up carefully and heading upstairs towards his bedroom. He sat gingerly on his bed and placed the stocking in his lap, looking towards his phone, which he’d left on the nightstand earlier this morning. A small light blinked at regular intervals. Picking it up, he noticed a message from Eren.

Merry Christmas Levi. I know you said you don’t really do Christmas, but I hope you have a great day anyway. X 

He smiled softly at the screen and turned his attention back to the stocking, nimble fingers gently taking out the first present and prying open the carefully wrapped gift. He felt himself breathe sharply, as he fingered the soft black leather gloves, simple but exquisite. A wave of guilt overcame him as he thought about the effort Eren had gone through and he’d done nothing except shy away from it. He took the next present out of the stocking, repeating the actions. A beautifully knitted grey beanie, followed by homemade cookies, a recipe for mulled wine, chocolates from a local chocolatier and some incredibly expensive looking loose black tea. Levi was in limbo, stuck between feeling utterly overwhelmed, and so grateful, his hands trembled a little as he picked up his phone, located Eren’s number and pressed the call button. 

~

Eren had finished a gruelling Christmas Eve shift at the club and was now making his way across town along icy paths, in the complete opposite direction to his house. His fingers were numb, gripping the handles of the bag that contained a gift that he was still in two minds about giving. It was a rather childish concept, but a part of him wanted to give the Levi all those experiences he had a feeling he never had as a child. So here he was at 5 am, walking in the dark, stocking in tow. When he finally arrived at Levi’s he stood gazing up at the windows above him, wondering idly what the raven haired man was doing now. Was he sleeping soundly or was he already awake, preparing for Hanji and Erwin? He took a deep breath and removed the stocking from the bag, approaching the front door as quietly as possible and hanging the stocking on the handle, looking up at the windows one last time before heading home. He walked as quickly as he could on the ice, wanting to get home before his father woke up. He knew he’d be in an uncharacteristically good mood (he always was on Christmas, it was like someone had flipped a switch and his father went back to being the man he was before his mum had passed. Only for a day though and Eren hated it, hated it more than his abusive ways. He’d rather be screamed at, called obscene names and be pushed around than be presented with a glimpse of a normal father son relationship before having it ripped away again.) Even so, he didn’t want to push his luck. 

Arriving home, he crept through the house on his tip toes, opening and closing each door with the utmost care. It was just gone 6 now and there was no point in going to sleep. Everyone would be up in less than two hours, so he lay back and thought of Levi. He thought of Levi until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore and he decided to close them, only for a moment he told himself, just a moment. 

The first thing he noticed was the blinding sun streaming through his curtains as if they were made of tissue paper. The second was the bleary vision that usually accompanied the sensation of dragging yourself out of a groggy sleep. It was then that he bolted upright, tumbling off the bed, scrambling to find his phone. “Shit shit shit.” He cursed to himself over and over. He fell asleep, he shouldn’t have allowed himself to lay down. “Stupid. You’re so stupid.” He continued to panic, fingers finally clutching around his phone that had fallen out of his pocket and subsequently gotten tangled in the bed sheets. He pressed the button, illuminating the screen. 9:32, they should all be at the breakfast table by now. He vaguely registered an apologetic message from Mikasa on the screen as he rushed to the bathroom, practically throwing himself into the shower. Cleaning with an intensity that he’d never done before. She obviously isn’t coming home today, he thought as he scrubbed his hair, rinsing off haphazardly before jumping out and towelling off rather shoddily. He threw on whatever clean clothes his hands reached first and raced down the stairs, barrelling into the dining room where his father was seated at the head of the table, newspaper in hand and a glass of orange juice in front of him. His step mother was in the kitchen, her head bobbing slightly to the Christmas album that played softly in the background. He took a slow step towards his father, head down. “Um.” He faltered and cleared his throat before trying again. “S-sorry I’m late Father.” Grisha’s eyes finally lifted from the newspaper, and rested upon his son’s face. He folded up the paper and placed it to one side before standing and bringing Eren into a firm embrace. 

“That’s alright my boy.” He said patting his back. He leaned back, gripping Eren firmly on the sides of his shoulders. “I know you’ve been working hard, and we figured you’d need a little bit of a lay in so we pushed breakfast back a bit.” 

“It’ll only be a little longer honey.” His step mother’s voice carried from the kitchen. His father pushed him towards a seat at the table, and Eren sat down, glancing briefly at his father before leaning forward and filling a glass with the jug of juice that was in the centre of the table. Every year it was the same. Every year their strained relationship gradually got worse, yet on this day it was as if they had the best relationship going. An unbreakable bond between father and son. It never failed to confuse and simultaneously scare him. Surely it was only so long before his father snapped and everything came tumbling down around them. A plate of crepes were placed in front of him, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

“Thank you” he mumbled, picking up his cutlery and eating mindlessly, stuck in a haze of confusion and despair, his thoughts once again started to travel towards Levi. Had he found the stocking yet? He ate in silence, only vaguely keeping tabs on the conversation in case he was needed. After breakfast was cleared away they made their way into the living room, where the tree sparkled in the sun, presents twinkling underneath. Eren sighed as he sat down by the tree, this was the worst part. Eren passed out the gifts and they all took it in turn to open them, cooing over what each other had received. It was a slow and arduous process, and fake, oh so fake. His father was in the midst of opening one of his gifts, and he smiled at Eren as he did so. Eren forced himself to smile back, he honestly didn’t know what possessed his father to behave like this, but in the interests of making his life as simple as possible, he played along. When his father had fully unwrapped the gift, he held it gently in his hands, and looked back up at Eren. “Thank you. I’m so proud of you son, you know that don’t you?” Eren didn’t know it though, he couldn’t believe it either. Nothing in their relationship spoke of love or pride. It was sick, and Eren was so tired of it. 

“I know. Thanks dad.” He said, a forced smile playing on his lips as he passed across another present.   
He had some respite between the gift opening and lunch, so he finally took out his phone and responded to the messages that had been coming through all morning. He read Mikasa’s message properly, and replied telling her not to worry and that he loved her and missed her. His father had yet to mention her absence, and Eren could only guess that he already knew she wasn’t coming. After coming to the end of his notifications he couldn’t help but frown. There wasn’t anything from the one person he really wanted to hear from, but perhaps the man was just busy at the moment. He typed out a quick message and pocketed his phone afterwards, heading back into the dining room at the call of his father. 

~

He was sitting on the same fallen tree where he and Levi had shared their first kiss. His father, still in a good mood had given him permission to go out for a walk. He shouldn’t need permission really, he was an adult after all, but that just spoke of how twisted their relationship was. He sighed, feet shuffling in the undergrowth and fingers twitching in his pockets. It was a clear night, the air was crisp and his breath came out in little white puffs in front of his face. He flinched, startled by the sudden shrill ring of his phone, he pressed the button to answer, bringing the phone up to his ear without checking the caller ID. 

 

~

“Hey” he breathed out as soon as Eren had answered. 

“Levi?” 

“Yeah, Merry Christmas Eren.” Levi could hear leaves rustling in the background, and the gentle trickle of water. He knew exactly where Eren was. Running downstairs and quickly throwing on a coat, he snatched up his keys and left the house, shutting the front door quietly. He kept Eren talking as he tried to remember the way to the clearing, trying his utmost to mask his uneven breathing and keep his steps gentle as he avoided the tree roots and hidden rocks attempting to trip him up. Eren hadn’t really said anything about his day, but Levi knew that if he’d come to the clearing, then he must have needed to get away and he clenched his jaw at the thought of it. If he wasn’t such a coward, if he wasn’t such a prisoner to his own mind then maybe he could have given Eren a better Christmas. 

“Eren.” Levi whispered, suddenly interrupting the younger man. 

“Hmm.” He hummed, so engrossed in speaking to the dark haired man that he failed to notice the snapping of twigs behind him. 

“Turn around brat.” Levi said with a slight smile, watching as Eren twisted his torso, phone still to his ear. Brown locks shifting in the gentle breeze and eyes widening marginally before crinkling at the corner as he broke into a wide smile. 

“Oh” he breathed, finally letting the phone drop from his ear, ending the call and placing the phone back in his pocket as he watched Levi do the same. He continued to watch as Levi ducked under the last couple of branches before crossing the clearing to reach him. He had to tilt his head back slightly as Levi came to stop behind him. Hands tucked into his pockets, a slight frown marred his face. Gaze tearing away from Eren’s to look at the stream, and up into the night sky. 

“You should have told me we were doing gifts.” Levi shifted awkwardly, gaze flitting briefly back to Eren’s before he lost his nerve and looked away again. Eren shrugged, and brought his hand forward, tugging on the edge of Levi’s coat, fingering the material between his index finger and thumb. 

“I promised I’d give you some better Christmas memories. It wasn’t about receiving anything in return.” 

Levi ran a hand through his hair, head tipping down and meeting Eren’s eyes. “I know, it’s just…” He looked at the younger man’s face, which held so much adoration and understanding it made him momentarily lose his train of thought. “Thank you.” He finished, stepping over the fallen tree and sitting close to Eren. Eren brought his arm around Levi’s back, pulling him in tightly against his side. Levi glanced up at him through his lashes, seeing the content look on his face as he held him, filled him with even more guilt. Levi chewed the inside of his cheek, he should tell him. Maybe he wouldn’t be too hurt, maybe he’d understand. “Eren.” He croaked out, voice hoarse as if he’d been screaming all day. 

Eren turned slightly, and pressed a kiss to the top of Levi’s head, nose buried in his soft inky locks. “Yeah.” He breathed out, voice gentle and coaxing, as if he already knew what was coming. 

Levi licked his lips and swallowed, desperately trying to gain some moisture in his throat. “Today-ah” he stuttered. He felt Eren’s lips in his hair once more, a beautifully gentle pressure urging him to continue. He pressed his thigh closer to Eren’s and closed his eyes. “Today.” He tried again, but all he could picture was the flicker of disappointment in Eren’s eyes as he told him, all he could imagine were the questions that would follow and how he’d have to dredge up painful memories that he’d rather leave buried in the past and his throat closed up again. He couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t and it made him so angry at himself. Eren didn’t deserve somebody who couldn’t let him in, somebody who didn’t know what it meant to open themselves up to another person, to show their vulnerabilities, but he was too selfish to let Eren go, and too cowardly to push himself to tell the truth. “Thanks.” He muttered weakly. “For today.” Head drooping in shame and shoulders sagging as he leant more of his weight against Eren’s warm body. 

He felt more than heard Eren chuckle, “You already thanked me silly.” He teased, smiling into Levi’s hair, breathing in deeply, committing the sweet yet musky scent to memory. 

“I know” Levi said, tone defeated, “It’s just…” he trailed off, he didn’t even know what to say anymore. 

“It’s okay” Eren said tightening his grip on the man even further, and turning his head slightly so that he could look out across the stream again. “I know.” Fingers rubbing at Levi’s shoulder reassuringly through the thickness of the coat. 

If only you did Levi thought, trying to swallow some of the bitterness that coated his tongue, if only you did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man oh man, if Levi can't tell Eren the truth about this little thing then what hope do we have for our boys when the real shit hits the fan? 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed the update, and I'd love to hear your thoughts. 
> 
> Have a great weekend.


	11. Flirtation Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is back behind the bar doing what he does best, but now that the two are a little closer how will Levi handle Eren's flirtatious ways with the customers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!! Over a 1000 hits guys, that's so cool to me. Honestly all I wanted when I decided to post this story, was just for one person to enjoy it. Literally, that was my aim, so this is really wonderful for me. I know my writing needs a lot of work, but hey, what better way to practice?! So thank you to all of you that have checked this out, left kudos and comments, it really means a lot! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this update.

The holiday season had come and go, and the boys had been trying to spend as much time together as possible, but Eren’s work schedule was becoming busier as he worked longer hours at the store, and took on extra nights at the club and after three weeks of not seeing the brunette once on a weekend, Levi felt like his only option was to see him at the club. It wasn’t hard to convince Erwin to join him, it was much more difficult however to hid that fact from Hanji, he really didn’t think he could handle her wild antics when all he wanted to do was stand at the bar and stare at Eren all night. He prayed that the club would be relatively quiet so that he could actually have some time to talk to Eren, all it had been for the past three weeks was quick calls before they went to sleep, or a spare hour to meet up, and it was always over too soon. It seemed like they kissed and then it was already time to say goodbye. He hated admitting it to himself, but he missed Eren more than he thought was acceptable, they were still in the beginning stages of, whatever this was, and Levi felt the level of which he needed Eren was akin to that of an established relationship. 

Friday slowly rolled around, and Levi stood in front of the mirror after work, buttoning up the black long sleeved shirt and rolling his sleeves up to just below his elbows. He let the shirt hang loose, covering the tops of his black skinny jeans and headed downstairs, grabbing a pair of black timberlands and slipping them on, before tightly doing up the laces. He grabbed the car keys, he didn’t feel like drinking tonight and if he wasn’t going to drink then he saw absolutely no point in walking in the cold. He picked up Erwin on the way, and they made the short journey to the club, parking nearby and joining the throngs of people. It was a lot busier than he expected it to be, it was the end of January, wasn’t everybody supposed to be broke after Christmas? From the minute they entered the club it was a fight through the warm crowd towards the bar. Levi was almost regretting his decision to come at the feeling of strangers pressing up against him from all sides, those thoughts were instantly knocked out of his mind when his mouth went dry as he finally reached the bar and spotted Eren. He looked absolutely exquisite in a rather snug black t-shirt and black jeans so tight they may as well have been painted on. He was bending down to the bottom shelf of the fridge, back arching deliciously and for a moment Levi forgot where he was, licking his lips as he thought about what he wouldn’t give to have Eren bent down in front of him like that. 

“Don’t get too excited Levi” Erwin’s teasing voice jolted him out of his fantasies, and he glared at the blonde man that was leaning on the bar next to him, with raised eyebrows. He snapped his focus back to Eren, and watched as the bartender lined up a row of shots for a group of rowdy guys. Eren had put one shot in front of himself, and placed his hands behind his back. Levi watched with interest as the group of guys copied the motion and on Krista’s count they all took the shot glasses with their lips tipping it back and letting the alcohol slide down their throats, Eren took the glass from his mouth and slammed it upside down on the bar. 

“I win boys.” He teased, leaning forwards palm out. “ That’ll be £17.50” The group of guys groaned, but one of them, in a ridiculously tight muscle tee reached into his wallet and pulled out a few notes, leaning forwards to place them in Eren’s palm before snatching them away. 

Levi watched, frown increasing as the guy leaned way into Eren’s personal space, and he noted with a slight hint of anger that Eren didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. 

“You sure you do know how to use your mouth.” The guy said waving the money around before finally placing it in Eren’s hand, but not letting go when Eren closed his fingers around the notes. “I bet that comes in handy.” He grinned, licking his lips and eyeing Eren up and down unashamedly. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know” Eren said giving a little tug on the money. 

“Yeah I would.” The guy finally let go of the notes. “Keep the change.” He straightened up smirking. 

“Thanks babe.” Eren winked at the guy, making his way to register and chuckling slightly as he saw the guy get patted on the back by the rest of his group. He chucked the extra note and the odd change into his tip jar and caught sight of a familiar head of black hair. He made his way over to Levi despite the moans of other customers. “Erwin.” He tipped his chin at the tall blonde before leaning down towards Levi. “Hey babe.” 

“Seems like you’re calling everyone that tonight.” Levi couldn’t help himself. He tried to reason with his inner demons, tried to tell himself that Eren only flirted for the tips, it was all fake. That Eren cared about him and wouldn’t be talking to anyone else. That he didn’t even really have the right to get jealous because they’d never actually explicitly expressed that they were exclusive, he’d merely assumed. Assumed because he was already in too fucking deep, and this is what he got for being in way over his head. Anger, anger that he couldn’t control, couldn’t force down. The fog of jealously washing over him and making him look at Eren in an entirely different light. 

Eren frowned, looking at Erwin briefly, feeling embarrassed at having the man witness this tense interaction. Erwin shrugged and flagged down another bartender. “Come on Levi. It’s just work. You know it doesn’t mean anything.” He reached for the older man’s hand, frowning further when Levi moved it out of reach. 

“Do I?” Levi questioned bitterly. He knew he was being petty and unreasonable, but he never realised it would feel like this, watching others act like they could have him and to watch Eren acting as if they could. He glared at Eren through narrowed eyes. 

“Levi please.” Eren was reaching for his hand again, and he took a slight step back from the bar, he was conscious that in this time Erwin had already ordered drinks for both of them and was holding them, now waiting by idly as he and Eren stared each other down. “Look, you knew I was like this, you knew what the deal was before we started dating, if you can’t handle it then why are you here?” Eren was starting to get pissed off now. He knew he shouldn’t be, he knew it was difficult for people to watch their partners flirt with customers, hell he probably wouldn’t be able to handle it, but he couldn’t help the swell of rage building inside of him. He put so much effort into trying to build a relationship with Levi and he couldn’t even grace him with one ounce of trust in return.

Levi grit his teeth together and crossed his arms tightly.  
“I’m here because how else am I supposed to spend time with you?” He hissed, starting to feel slightly embarrassed at the attention they were beginning to gain. “You’re always fucking working.” 

Eren’s mouth dropped open. “Seriously? You’re going to get mad at me for working, you’re going to get mad at me for being a bloody adult, and having responsibilities?!” He honestly couldn’t believe what he was hearing, if it wasn’t so ridiculous he’d be more touched by the fact that Levi clearly wanted to spend more time with him. 

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb. “No, I’m not… that was just stupid. I’m jus-” 

“This guy bothering you?” The muscle tee guy from before cut him off and Levi heard the intake of breath from Erwin as he turned to face the person that had caused all of this in the first place. 

The guy was looking at Eren, leaning across the bar on one elbow. “No, I’m his boyfriend and you’re bothering us.” He was seething now, so much so that he missed the small smile on Eren’s face when he’d used the term boyfriend. 

The guy looked at Eren, who nodded, before stalking off and slipping back into the crowd. 

“Ah shit.” Levi ran a hand through his hair and glanced at Eren quickly. “I’m going to go. Call me when you finish I guess.” He turned away from the bar and looked at Erwin expectantly. 

“So we’re leaving?” He asked looking between Eren and Levi

“Yeah.” 

“Do I get to finish my drink first?” 

“No.” Levi’s tone was stern, and even though Erwin didn’t actually feel threatened by his friend he relented anyway, placing both drinks back on the bar and shrugging at Eren once more. They left, leaving Eren standing behind the bar feeling a little lost. 

He ran both hands through his hair and sighed heavily, moving slowly to the next customer. 

 

~

He was in a daze whilst cleaning the club, constantly replaying his argument with Levi at the bar. It had affected his mood for the rest of the night and his tips dwindled significantly. He pushed the mop back and forth on the dancefloor as he contemplated what to do. 

“Yo Eren.” Connie’s voice startled him out of his thoughts and he looked towards him, where he stood re stocking the bar. “Can you snap out of it man? You’ve been mopping the same damn spot for the last five minutes.” He sounded mildly irritated, but he wore an expression of pity towards the brunette. 

“Sorry” Eren mumbled, moving further up the dancefloor. Wringing out the mop and dunking it back in the bucket. 

“Just ban him from coming whilst you’re at work Eren.” Krista’s sweet voice suggested. 

Eren just shrugged and stared down at the floor as he swung the mop around, spreading soapy water across the sticky tiles. 

By the time they’d finished cleaning, Eren had come to a decision on what to do. 

“Krista, would you mind giving me a lift somewhere?” Krista raised an eyebrow, but merely shrugged. 

“’Kay” She stuffed her tips into her purse and chucked it into her handbag. “Let’s go.”

They said their goodbyes and made their way out of the back of the club, walking in silence towards Krista’s car. Eren got in without saying a word, and remained silent until Krista had to prompt him for directions. Eren lost himself in his thoughts as they drove, and it wasn’t until Krista cleared her throat that he’d realised they’d stopped. 

“Go on.” She smiled knowingly at him, leaning over the console to place a hand on his knee. “Go make it up to lover boy.” 

He returned the smile, nodding, more to himself than her and let out a deep breath as he stepped out of the car and headed to the familiar white door. He waved goodbye over his shoulder before knocking softly on the door. He stood there for a few moments, and a few moments turned into a few minutes and he wondered if he should knock again. He was just about to raise his fist once more as the door swung open and Levi stared out at him. He’d changed out of his earlier outfit and into a pair of soft grey sweats, a ripped black tank and a grey zip hoodie that hung open, showing off his collarbones. Eren licked his lips, dragging his gaze away from the exposed skin and up to Levi’s eyes. “Hey” he smiled gently, hands in his pockets. 

“I said call.” Levi grunted, hand still on the door, not yet letting Eren in. 

“I didn’t think a phone call would suffice.” He tilted his head, silently pleading to be let in. Levi stepped aside and Eren brushed past him, hanging up his coat and toeing off his shoes. Levi shut the door behind him and turned to face him, his expression blank. 

“Levi, what happened at the club…” He paused, watching as Levi’s face fell and he huffed, running a hand through his hair. Neither made a move to leave the hallway. 

“I know.” The darker haired man began. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his sweats and stared directly at Eren, he was suddenly filled with a strange confidence, maybe he was just sick of holding everything in. “I know, that it’s just work, and I know I have no right to be jealous.” Eren’s brow furrowed in confusion, but Levi ploughed on. “I know that we never said we were exclusive, but Jesus Eren it’s so fucking ha-”

“You called me your boyfriend though.” Eren cut him off, smiling cheekily and taking a step towards Levi. 

“It slipped out.” Levi admitted grudgingly. “That’s not the point though. The point is-”

“I’m sorry.” Eren cut him off again, moving closer to Levi. 

“Huh… what?” 

“I said, I’m sorry.” Eren came to a stop in front of Levi, looking down at the man with a gentle smile on his face. “I’m sorry, for making you feel the way I did. I’m sorry for not making my intentions clear.” He brought a hand up to Levi’s face, and grasped his chin between his thumb and fingers, tilting it up. “I’d like very much to be your boyfriend.” He said bringing his mouth down and pressing it gently against Levi’s, moaning softly when he felt the older man’s hands come up to grip his shoulders. He pulled away and nudged Levi’s face to the side, exposing his neck. “I’m sorry that I was so harsh on you at the club.” He brought his lips down to his neck, pressing firmly, before bringing the skin between his teeth and biting down slightly, applying more pressure as he felt Levi’s hands tighten their purchase on his shoulders. Sucking, and nibbling he made his way down Levi’s neck to the edge of his collarbones. “Because if it was me, I think watching you flirt with someone else would drive me insane.” He said between kisses, working his way along his collarbone to the hollow of his throat. “But I want you to remember something.” He made his way up Levi’s throat, smirking when he felt his Adam’s apple bob as he placed a kiss against it. “No matter what I say to those people.” A longer kiss to the other side of his neck, rolling the flesh between his teeth, sucking a dark mark into the skin. “I don’t look at them the way I look at you.” A small bite to his earlobe. “I won’t ever touch them, the way I touch you.” He peppered kisses along Levi’s jaw, slowly working his way back towards his mouth. “Because at the end of the night, you’re the one who gets to have me.” He pulled back, looking at Levi with hooded eyes. “Only you, Levi.” 

Levi licked his lips and pulled Eren hastily by his collar, crushing their mouths together and instantly taking advantage, slipping his tongue inside when Eren’s lips parted to moan. The kiss was more heated, more intense than anything Levi had ever experienced before and it left him feeling dizzy. He craved more of it, more of Eren. Moving a hand down from the young man’s shoulder he let it trail lazily down the brunette’s chest, across his stomach, smirking into the kiss when he felt Eren’s abdomen contract slightly at the touch. He continued down, teasing his fingers into the waistband of Eren’s jeans, before trailing down further, coming to stop directly above his crotch. He flicked his tongue across the roof of Eren’s mouth, pressed their chests together and palmed Eren’s crotch firmly. Feeling the erection beginning to form beneath his hand, he pressed a little harder, biting down on Eren’s bottom lip as he did so. 

“W-Wait… Levi. Wait a minute.” Eren said, breaking the kiss and panting slightly, a blush had formed across his cheeks and his pupils were blown, filled with lust. Levi found himself moving back in at the sight of it, only to be disappointed when Eren pulled out of his reach. “Believe me, I really want to continue this, but I’m sticky and covered in god knows what from the bar.” He smiled, looking a bit uncomfortable. “ I-er, I really need a shower.” 

Levi groaned, but the clean freak in him was rather grateful for Eren’s honesty. “First door to your left upstairs. I’ll grab you some towels and clean clothes.” Eren nodded and pressed his mouth quickly to Levi’s before heading upstairs. Levi following him slowly. “Eren.” 

The brunette paused, looking at Levi over his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry too.” Eren smiled and continued up the stairs. 

Eren hovered outside of the bathroom, suddenly feeling rather shy at what was to come once he was clean. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt whilst he waited for Levi to return with a towel and some clothes. 

The older man rounded the corner, holding a small pile. “Hopefully these will fit.” He passed across the pile of folded clothes, and reached into a nearby cupboard, pulling out a fluffy navy towel and passing that over as well. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the top drawer if you want that as well.” He gestured towards the vanity that stood inside the bathroom and Eren nodded gratefully. “I’ll er… I’ll be around when you’re done.” Levi scratched the back of his head awkwardly, looking down to the side before nodding and scurrying to his bedroom without looking at Eren. Now that the haze of lust was gone he felt incredibly shy and nervous. There was an insurmountable amount of pressure building, and Levi was scared of screwing something up. Lord knows it had been a while, and he’d definitely never been with somebody like Eren. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and let out a deep sigh, dragging his palms down the tops of his thighs before leaping up and fussing with the clothes in his dresser. Pulling them out and re folding them even though they were already folded perfectly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry. Odd ending I know, but it gives you something to look forward to in the next chapter! Way hey hey. 
> 
> Hope everyone has enjoyed or is still enjoying their weekend!


	12. Flirtation Frustration pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zero plot. You know what that means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, I found this incredibly difficult to write, so hopefully it's not too horrible to read.

Eren stood in the shower, letting the searing hot water ease his muscles, he tipped his head back, wetting his hair before looking back down and watching the dirty water swirl down the drain with a grimace. People never really realised how filthy bar work was. He reached for Levi’s body wash and squeezed a generous amount into the palm of his hand, lathering it up and spreading it all over, rinsing off briefly before reaching for the shampoo, massaging the suds into his scalp and repeating the action with the conditioner before standing fully under the spray, letting the water rinse away everything until it ran clear of bubbles and he was sufficiently pink. Turning the nozzle until the flow of water ceased, he stepped out of the glass case and reached for his towel on the side. Drying himself off, he grabbed the boxers and sweatpants that Levi had given him and dragged them up his legs, until they rested low on his hips. He glanced down and giggled at how short they were. He threw the towel over his neck, rubbing the back of his head with it vigorously whilst searching one handed in the drawer for the toothbrush Levi had mentioned. Finally locating it, he ripped the package open and covered the head in toothpaste, brushing his teeth rather hastily before rinsing and popping the brush in the holder next to Levi’s with a smile. Peeking his head out of the door, he saw a soft light coming from around the corner at the end of the hall and assumed that’s where Levi was. Padding gently along the carpeted floor, he stopped just shy of the doorway, watching Levi unfold and refold clothes, all the while muttering under his breath. He smiled softly at the sight and took a step through the doorway, clearing his throat, gaining Levi’s attention. 

Levi looked up, his actions faltering as his eyes went wide at the sight. There stood Eren, shirtless, rivulets of water running down his tanned, toned chest, towel slung over his neck, beads of water still clinging to the ends of his hair. His eyes held a mischievous look as he cocked a hip and leant against the wall slightly, sweatpants shifting dangerously low. Levi licked his lips, eyes trailing down the soft line of hair that started just below his navel and disappeared under the waistband of his pants. Fucking brat was doing it on purpose. Levi tore his eyes away from Eren’s naked upper half and sent him the strongest glare he could muster. “Pretty sure I gave you a shirt to wear.” He muttered, pushing the drawers back into place. 

Eren smirked slightly, his gaze never once leaving Levi, watching the way his muscles rippled with each little movement. “Didn’t really feel like wearing a crop top.” 

Levi’s mouth twisted in a scowl and his eyes darkened considerably. “Watch it brat.” 

Eren giggled slightly before shifting his stance, adjusting his weight against the wall. “Are you complaining though, because the look on your face when I walked in the room said otherwise?” 

Oh Levi was most definitely not complaining, in fact he was currently congratulating himself on being able to maintain any semblance of self-control when Eren was looking positively delectable. 

“There it is again.” Eren teased, pushing off of the wall and slowly beginning to close the distance between the two of them. “Are you going to keep looking at me like that Levi, or are you going to man up and do something about it?” His voice getting lower with each teasing word, he was almost in reach of Levi when suddenly his back met the wall harshly and his hands were gripped tightly to his sides. He was vaguely aware of hitting his head, but he couldn’t focus on the pain because Levi’s tongue was down his throat, and Jesus, did he taste this good before? It was addictive, and consuming, he breathed harshly through his nose, relinquishing all the power to Levi. Submitting had never been so easy, so exhilarating. He followed Levi’s lead, tongues tangling together, his hands were still pressed by his side, so tight it almost hurt. 

Levi pulled back abruptly, taking in Eren’s dishevelled appearance, the blush across his cheeks, his chest rising and falling heavily, the spit slicked lips, the way his eyes seemed out of focus. He smirked, it was beautiful how dazed he already looked. He pressed his face into the crook of Eren’s neck, inhaling deeply, the scent of warm freshly washed skin absolutely intoxicating to him. He let go of Eren’s wrists as he bit down on harshly on his neck, following it with gentle kisses, licking at the area, before biting down again, softer than before, sucking and bringing the skin up between his lips. He had a hold of Eren’s waist now and he rolled his hips forward, their growing erections brushing together. He bit down on his bottom lip, relishing in the choked gasp that left Eren’s mouth and suddenly Eren’s hands were tugging at his hoodie and top. 

“Off, off now.” The brunette’s voice was breathy and desperate and it went straight to his cock. Now completely hard, trapped within the confines of his boxers and sweats. He pushed himself off of Eren long enough to rid himself of his upper layers before pressing himself back against the younger man. Their soft skin sliding against one another, lips meeting again, hurried, desperate, longing. Levi reached up and rubbed a thumb across one of Eren’s nipples, receiving a hum of appreciation in return. He pinched and rolled the firm pink bud between his forefinger and thumb, matching the pace of their kisses. Hips rolling into each other, growing in pressure until Eren threw his head back from the kiss and moaned. He watched as Eren panted harshly before his head lowered and their gaze met. Levi paused momentarily, shocked by the dark expression in Eren’s eyes. Lust, so intense, burned brightly within them. Without further warning Eren had dropped to his knees and yanked down Levi’s sweats and underwear in one smooth movement. Levi watched in amazement, as Eren slowly ran his hands up his calves, over his thighs and stopped just underneath his cheeks. He stood still, breathing heavily as Eren looked up as he curled a hand around the base of his cock, before bringing it up the shaft and digging his thumb into the slit at his head and spreading the beads of pre come before moving it back down and swiftly taking the head into his mouth. 

Levi hissed at the shock, and braced himself on the wall, hovering over Eren. Watching as the man hollowed his cheeks, and swirled his tongue around the head before slowly inching his way down. Levi couldn’t help but groan as he felt more than half his cock become enveloped in the soft wet heat of Eren’s mouth, and the groan grew as he felt Eren hum around his member, the vibrations rippling through him deliciously. He closed his eyes and let his head hang forward, chin dropped against his chest as Eren began to use his hand to pump the part of his cock he couldn’t fit in his mouth, saliva running down and dripping onto his balls. Eren’s head bobbed up and down, tongue occasionally flicking up and into his slit, hand and mouth working in tandem, fast and strong.   
“Fuck E-Eren.” Levi was trying to keep his hips as still as possible, trying not to thrust up hard into the delicious heat of Eren’s mouth. Tried to keep his moans to a minimum as he felt his head brush the back of Eren’s throat, felt it constrict around him as Eren tried to keep from gagging. “S-shit. Eren you need to back off a bit or I’m going to-” he cut off in a strangled moan as Eren forced him even deeper, swallowing around him, and then he felt the pressure moving back up, lips tight around his cock. Opening his eyes he was met with the most beautifully sinful sight he’d ever been graced with. Eren was still pumping the very base of his cock, cheeks hollowed almost painfully to create as much pressure on Levi’s member as possible whilst his tongue flicked at his head, all the while he was looking directly at Levi, and it was then that Levi felt himself come undone. 

His hips stuttered as he cursed and released down Eren’s throat, watching through lidded eyes as the young man swallowed it all before releasing his cock gently and moving his hands down to release himself from the confines of his own pants, tugging on himself harshly, pace quickening, back up against the wall, head tilted to the side and eyes screwed shut. “Yeah. Just like that Eren.” Levi watched as he tugged even harder, wrist twisting at the top before moving back down. “You get that worked up sucking me off huh? I can tell you’re already close. Just look at you. Such a beautiful mess.” Eren’s pace quickened again, breath coming out in loud harsh pants. 

“Ah- ah-Levi.” Levi pulled up his boxers and sweats that were still pooled around his ankles and crouched down in front of Eren, spreading his legs as he did so. Eren’s eyes snapped to his and Levi could feel himself start to get hard again. 

“You’re almost there aren’t you?” He said darkly, leaning forward, eyes darting down every now and then to watch the way Eren handled himself. Eren nodded quickly, eyes squeezing shut again. 

“Oh no.” Levi said taking Eren’s chin and tilting it towards him. “Look at me Eren. I want to see all of you when you come.” Eren slowly opened his eyes, blinking several times, his hand never slowing down. Levi ran his thumb over Eren’s bottom lip slowly, pressing against it firmly before leaning forward and whispering against his lips. “Go on Eren, come for me.” And he leant back, admiring the sight as Eren let go, breathing erratic, hand stuttering as strings of white painted his abdomen. 

Eren couldn’t quite register the soft lips on his brow, nor the fingers pushing his sweaty bangs off of his forehead. He was too busy coming down from his high. It was the most intense orgasm he’d ever had without some form of penetration. The next thing he knew he felt a damp cloth around his softening member, and abdomen, wiping up the sticky mess. He whined slightly at the sensation and weakly pushed the hand away, but it made no difference. 

“Come on.” A warm soft voice instructed him. “You can’t sleep down there.” Eren blinked, and put his hands down on the floor. He was starting to come back to himself a little now. 

“Right” he said, hoisting himself up, and pulling up the clothes back around his hips as he did so. He wobbled briefly, before finally looking at the man before him. Levi looked tired, but relaxed, almost peaceful. “That was intense.” Eren admitted with a wide grin, tongue poking out between his teeth.   
Levi nodded in agreement, a small smile playing on his face briefly as he rubbed the back of his undercut with his knuckles, awkwardness creeping over him. “Guess I should brush my teeth again.” Eren said running his tongue over them. 

“Please do.” Levi wrinkled his nose a little bit, and began to move towards the bed. 

When Eren returned to the bedroom, Levi was already in bed, covers pulled up and laying on his side. Eren hovered for a moment, wondering if he should sleep on the sofa, but dismissed it quickly. If he could have his mouth around the man’s cock then they could share a bed. He lifted the covers and slipped in, sidling up to Levi and hesitantly winding his arms around the older man’s waist, pulling him until they were pressed tightly together, back to chest. 

“Hmph, about time.” He heard Levi mutter into the pillow, and he smiled as he tucked his head into the nape of Levi’s neck. The soft hairs of the undercut tickling his brow. It didn’t take long for their breathing to even out and their legs to tangle with each other as sleep dragged them under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was the first time I've ever written smut, and I have to say it was far more difficult than I anticipated. I really hope that didn't reflect in my writing, but man, I just couldn't edit it anymore, so never mind I guess. If anyone has any tips, suggestions or just feedback in general I'd love to hear it. As always, thanks for reading and I hope you're having a good weekend.


	13. The gradual rise of chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well they say when one part of your life starts to go well another goes to pot right?
> 
> Eren is surprised at how open Levi is after their night together, however his home life is about to get turned upside down in a rather literal but confusing manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's about one more fluffy (ish) chapter after this and then it's angst, angst, angst. Buckle up kids! 
> 
> Also, man I had this chapter written out for ages, actually it was completely written when I uploaded the last chapter, I just put off editing it for an eternity because I absolutely loathe editing, and I'm sure it shows in my writing sometimes... so sorry about that.

Eren stretched and blinked a couple of times trying to make sense of his surroundings, right, he stayed at Levi’s last night. He rolled over, fingers reaching in search of the other man, but he was met with disappointment when his fingers grasped nothing but the cold empty sheets. He stared at the ceiling for a moment, trying to summon the energy to drag himself out of bed. He sat up slowly, hands behind him and he tried to recall where on earth he’d left his phone. It only took one glance beside him to see it plugged in upon the nightstand, sat atop some more folded clothes. He climbed out of bed, taking the clothes, but leaving his phone and headed towards the bathroom. Freshened up, and sufficiently more awake, Eren went downstairs in search of Levi and was greeted with a delicious scent emanating from the kitchen. Passing through the open archway, he saw Levi busying himself over the stove, dressed in loose fitting comfortable clothes, hair still messed slightly from sleep, yet even so he was an absolute vision. “Mornin’” Eren mumbled, taking further steps into the kitchen, to come up behind Levi winding his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder so he could survey the cooking. “Wow, is that an old fashioned waffle iron?” his eyes widened and he felt himself begin to salivate. 

Levi just hummed, before twisting in Eren’s arms slightly to peck at his cheek. “Good morning.” He turned his attention back to the waffles cooking on the stove, and the bacon in the pan over on the other hob. Eren felt his cheeks heat up at the unexpected affection. Usually Levi was hesitant in that aspect of himself, and Eren had fully expected him to have to coax Levi out of an awkward shell after last night, but it seemed it had the opposite effect. 

“So, do you do this every weekend or is this just for me?” a teasing lilt creeping into Eren’s voice. Levi shrugged, best he could, with the brunette’s weight bearing down on him. Eren smiled, and huffed a small breathy laugh, knowing that Levi’s avoidance had given him the very answer he’d been hoping for. He stood up and pressed a firm kiss into the back of Levi’s head, and squeezed his shoulder before putting some distance between them. 

“Anything I can help with then?” 

“No” Levi replied without turning around. “Just relax, it’s almost ready. There’s coffee in the pot if you want some, or I can boil some water for tea, or there’s OJ in the fridge.” He shot a quick glance over his shoulder, silently appraising the young man. He could get used to this, he honestly expected to wake up and feel tense about Eren having spent the night, over them having slept clinging to each other like a babe clings desperately to its’ mother’s breast. Instead he woke up feeling more rested than he had done in years, rested and content. Eren was such a breath taking sight to wake up to, and having him standing here, smiling softly as he cooked breakfast for them both was warming his heart in ways he never knew possible. He plated up the waffles and bacon, and took them to the table, nudging Eren along as he did so, before returning to collect the bottle of syrup and cutlery. Yeah, he thought as he sat down and watched Eren dig in enthusiastically; making small noises of pleasure as he ate, I could get used to this. He just had to not screw it up, Levi frowned briefly before forcefully shoving that unwelcome thought aside and tucking into his breakfast. 

They ate in silence, exchanging soft glances every now and then, and brushes of fingers as they refilled glasses and passed the syrup. Levi was watching Eren intently, the way he cut the food, the way he ate, the way his eyes closed in bliss as he savoured the flavours. He could feel a blush spreading across his face, and he averted his gaze, mentally trying to calm himself down. “Do you have any plans for today?” he asked, finally breaking the silence, watching from underneath his lashes as Eren turned towards him, swallowing his mouthful and taking a sip of juice before responding. 

“Um, no, but I er- I should probably go home soon. My dad will be wondering where I am.” 

“I thought you guys weren’t that close?” Levi questioned, placing his cutlery down and leaning back in his chair, one arm slung over the top, taking a sip of his own drink. 

“We’re not, not really. It’s just um, he’s…” Eren trailed off, he didn’t really know how, nor did he want to bring up his father’s choice words at him staying out all night.

“Overprotective?” Levi prompted with a brow raised. It wouldn’t be uncommon after the loss of a family member. Even if he really did blame his son like Eren seemed to think, it would only be natural for the parental worry to increase tenfold. Levi almost snorted to himself at that train of thought. He didn’t usually think people capable of such selfless emotions, not after what he’d been through. He was so lost in his own mind, he barely heard Eren’s mutter of ‘Something like that.’ And he found his eyes narrowing. He stared Eren down, and noticed how he suddenly looked uncomfortable, and weighed down, none of the usual sparkle was in his eyes. “Ok.” He said, letting go of his thoughts on the matter and finally returning his glass to the table. “I can drive you home, I’ll just clean up here first and then we’ll go.”

Eren started to protest, but his mouth soon ran dry as Levi shot him a warning look. “No use arguing brat, because I’m not taking no for an answer.” 

The young brunette nodded meekly and muttered a thanks, before helping Levi to clean the table, returning the OJ to the fridge, and then standing by idly after Levi had pushed him away from doing the dishes, grumbling under his breath about how they wouldn’t be done right. 

The car ride was filled with further silence, but of the tense variety. Eren bounced his knee up and down, and gnawed at the inside of his lip. There was a reason he didn’t let people pick him up or drop him off at his house. Too consumed in his thoughts, he missed the concerned glances that Levi was shooting him. As they neared his home, he finally drew himself out of his mind and spoke up, nerves rising by the minute. “You can just pull over here, this is fine.” 

Levi looked over, brows raised and eyes narrowed. “Eren, this is literally just the side of the road, there’s no houses here. What’s going on?”

Eren rubbed his hands roughly on his trousers, and swallowed thickly. “It’s just my road is super narrow and th-this is a big car, I don’t think you’ll make it down there. It’ll just be easier if I-I get out here.” His nerves were skyrocketing since Levi was showing no signs of slowing down. 

“Look if this is where you tell me you’re married with kids or some shit, well… I think at this point I stand a fair chance.” Levi tried to crack a smile at his terrible joke, but the look on Eren’s face made him think that maybe he wasn’t far off the mark. “Eren, just tell me what’s going on. If…If there’s something you haven’t told me, I promise not to get mad.” 

Levi had finally pulled the car over to the side, short of the houses he could see ahead in the side streets. 

“You know how you asked if my father was a bit overprotective? It’s just well.. i-if he sees you drop me off, he’ll bombard me with questions, and I’m just not really comfortable discussing it with him.” 

Eren was gripping his trousers tightly, and staring down at the footwell, avoiding Levi’s gaze. 

“And that’s it? There’s nothing else.” 

Eren shook his head, still not daring to look Levi in the eye, until he felt cool fingertips upon his chin, coaxing him to turn his head. He relented to the gentle pressure and turned his head towards Levi, eyes still downcast. 

“Look at me.” 

Eren resisted the soft lilting of Levi’s accent, worried about what judgement he might find in his eyes. 

“Please Eren.” He finally looked up, finding a rush of warmth in Levi’s gaze, and he felt himself release a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, at the small smile on the older man’s face. Levi’s fingers fell from his chin and back into his lap, the older man huffed slightly before letting out a humourless chuckle. “Shit. I told you, I wasn’t good at this… this stuff, I can’t say I’m particularly happy at having to sneak you around like some rebelling teenager, but whatever will make you more comfortable. Just, come talk to me if you need to or whatever.” Eren nodded and darted forward to press a hard kiss against Levi’s mouth, trying to convey everything that he couldn’t in words. 

There were no goodbyes, just a meeting of eyes before Eren smiled softly at the raven haired man, quickly ducking out of the car and rushing down the street to his house. 

Stepping through the front door he braced himself for his father’s acidic tone, but nothing came. Looking at the key hooks by the door he could see that his step mother had gone out, but his father’s keys remained. Chancing a glance into the dining room showed it to be empty. He must be working in the study. Eren tried to keep his steps quiet as he headed up the stairs, reaching his room, he noticed his door was ajar and an icy draft was working its way out of the room. Pushing the door open further, it gave a small amount of resistance, and it only took a split second for Eren to realise why, as he forced his way into his room he took in the utter destruction that lay before him. All of his items were strewn around the room, photo frames smashed on the floor, curtains half torn down, ornaments broken, art hanging askew on the walls. He just stood there, mouth open, mind reeling in disbelief. He could see a photo of his mum smashed on the floor, face trodden in and he felt the burn of tears in his eyes. 

“Ah Eren, you’re home.” He barely registered the voice of his father coming up to stand behind him. 

“You left your window open, and a pigeon flew in and obviously freaked itself out at being trapped. Your step mother heard the noise and came in to have a look, scared her half to death. I managed to get the bird out of the window again eventually, but by that point the damage was already done.”   
Eren felt the heaviness of his father’s hand clamping down uncomfortably on his shoulder. “I know it’s upsetting Eren, but you’re an adult now and you have to live with the consequences, bit irresponsible to leave your window open when you’re going to be gone all night and the best part of the day. Honestly.” Eren swallowed, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over, and he clenched his hands as he felt his father move back into the study. Stepping over the threshold into the bombsite that was his room, he shut the door and fell to his knees amongst the mess, broken shards of ceramic and glass digging into his skin. He reached forward, fingers grasping the photo frame that contained his mother’s picture and cradled it into his chest. He hadn’t left his window open, he knew he hadn’t, he never opened it in the winter. He finally let the tears spill as he clutched the frame even tighter, sharp edges pressing dangerously into his chest. 

Eren asked his step mother about the bird when she returned home later that day, and whilst she looked a bit reluctant to discuss it, she did indeed confirm that a pigeon had flown into his room. Feeling confused, as he was still certain he hadn’t left a window open he put it past him and focused on sorting out the remaining mess in his room. He never brought it up with anyone, didn’t see the point.  
He also didn’t say anything in the coming weeks when his possessions slowly started disappearing. It started off as little things, a pair of socks, a brush, a book, a scarf; things that he convinced himself he’d just mislaid, he could be a little careless at times, and it wasn’t like he kept his room in an organised state. However, then more noticeable things started to go missing, things that he knew he wasn’t losing. A single shoe, I mean really, how does one lose a shoe? Treasure ornaments, photos, so many clothes and even money at one point. The atmosphere in the house had become incredibly tense, he felt like his father was watching him all the time and even his step mother seemed on edge. It was one night, after searching for yet another missing item that Eren had decided he’d had enough. He didn’t see the point in asking his father about it. He had no doubt that if he asked his father about it, he would deny all knowledge, or he would be bristly and merely accuse Eren of being careless. He was torn about whether he believed his father was involved, because after all what would he get out of stealing Eren’s meagre possessions. So Eren kept his thoughts to himself and journeyed down to the hardware store and bought a simple lock to attach to the door. 

He was trying to attach the lock to his door, struggling a bit, because he really hadn’t thought out the logistics, it was much harder than he’d anticipated. 

“What are you doing?” The sudden angry timbre of his father’s voice made him drop the screwdriver he was holding, he looked over his shoulder and tried not to flinch at the dark look that was in his father’s eyes. 

“I’m just putting a lock on my door.” Eren retrieved the screwdriver and tried again to attach the lock. 

“No.” his father spoke again, sharp and curt. 

“What? Why?” Eren was bewildered, it was lock, what difference would it make to him. Unless it really was him who was stealing his belongings. He didn’t turn back around, didn’t want to look him in the eyes. 

“Because it’s my house, and what I say goes. If you don’t like it, leave.” Eren bristled slightly at the lack of emotion in his father’s voice as he said that. He let himself get pushed aside as his father quickly undid the little progress he’d made, taking the lock and leaving without any further words. 

It was another week of tense living when he finally decided to speak to someone about it, and he met up with Armin for a drink. They sat in a small café, hands cradling steaming drinks as they made their way through idle chit chat. Armin raised his mug to his mouth, taking a small sip before he sighed. “Are you going to spit it out then?” Eren flitted his gaze up to Armin with a weak smile. “I know you didn’t ask me here to just to discuss the weather.” 

Eren slumped backwards in his chair, dragging his mug towards him as he did so, a bit of the warm liquid sloshing over the side. “I think my father is trying to drive me out of the house.” Eren watched as Armin raised an eyebrow and placed his mug back on the table. 

“Oh? I know things haven’t been great for a while, but- what’s going on?” 

“I don’t know Ar, it’s just all of my possessions keep going missing, and I know I don’t take great care of my things, but I’m not that irresponsible, and my father keeps talking about how if I don’t like things then maybe I should leave. I mean it’s not like I really want to be living at home still, I’m just trying to save so I can afford to make it on my own.” Eren heaved a deep breath before continuing. “ I think- I think he’s trying to make things as unbearable as possible so that I get fed up and leave, then he’ll be rid of me and he won’t have to remember that he has a son anymore.” 

Armin reached across the table and placed a hand over Eren’s, squeezing tightly, silently offering his support. “Do you want to come and stay with me for a while?” He offered after a while. 

Eren smiled weakly “Thanks Ar, I might just do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading again guys, hope you enjoyed it.


	14. Hold me tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren has a little surprise for Levi, but gets more than he hoped for in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title doesn't really go, but tough... I wish I'd never started making chapter titles, I'm not creative enough. 
> 
> Well hopefully this isn't too bad... It was a little easier to write, but not fun to edit.

Eren started spending less and less time at home, picking up extra shifts at both jobs wherever he could, spending some nights at Armin’s, but mostly finding himself at Levi’s. In the passing weeks, he was there so often, that Levi started telling him where he kept the spare key, letting him know that he could use it anytime, just to drop him a text before he was swinging by. They quickly achieved a level of simplistic domesticity and despite everything that was going on at home, Eren had never been happier. There was a niggling thought in his brain that maybe he should tell Levi about the occurrences at home, but he didn’t want the older man to think that was the reason he was spending so much time with him, so he didn’t bring it up, it wasn’t like it affected them anyway. 

It was a rare day off, and Eren had left the house early, not wanting to be there any longer than necessary. He was sat in the park, feet tapping against the ground as he relaxed on a bench. He’d text Levi a little while ago, but hadn’t received a reply, he huffed out a sigh. Time off sure was boring when you had no one to spend it with. He sat and watched the people in the park for a little longer, trying to picture what kind of lives they led. He’d lost himself in a bit of a daze when his phone buzzed in his pocket, taking it out his heart warmed as he saw the message was from Levi, however upon opening it a frown quickly marred his face. 

Sorry kid. Can’t talk, fucking rough day. 

It was sweet of him to at least let him know why he wasn’t really responding, but he felt for the older man. He didn’t really understand his job, but from what they’d discussed of it he’d come to know that it carried a lot of stress, and it could get pretty hectic at times. Maybe he could do something for him, surprise him somehow, and try to make his day a bit better. 

~

Levi dragged his feet as he made his way to his front door, he was mentally and physically exhausted. He hadn’t had a day like that in a long time, and he wanted nothing more than to take a long hot shower and chill for the rest of the evening. He immediately tensed as he pushed the door open and music spilled out onto the street. Who the hell was in his house? He relaxed slightly when he spotted a recognisable pair of shoes, and he closed the door behind him quietly. 

“Eren?” he called out, a bit confused as to what the brunette was doing in his house, not that he was unwelcome. 

“Uh… yeah, I’m in the kitchen.” 

Levi unlaced his combat boots, and tucked them underneath the hanging coats before heading through to the kitchen where he could hear the other man. “What are you doing here? You didn’t say you were swinging by.” Levi tried not to sound annoyed, but he was sure the tiredness creeping into his voice made him sound a bit irritated. Eren rushed out of the kitchen looking rather flustered. His cheeks were pink and his hair was messy, he wore an apron over his clothes and he was almost hopping from one foot to the other. 

“I’m sorry, don’t be mad. It’s just that you said you were having a rough day, so I thought I’d surprise you, try to make it a bit better. I’m cooking dinner, but it’s not ready yet. I thought you’d be back later than this.” 

Levi felt any lingering tension from his day leave him in one fell swoop and he knew his face had softened. God this kid was something else. So selfless and caring, what did he ever do to deserve someone as wonderful as this? He pulled Eren into a firm embrace, pressing a soft kiss to his neck before pulling away. 

“I’m not mad Eren, you’re too sweet. I’m going to go and freshen up ok?” Eren nodded and gave Levi a parting kiss before returning to the kitchen. 

After a long hot shower, Levi threw on some comfortable jeans and a long sleeved, lightweight sweater and headed downstairs. The air was fragrant with the smell of caramelised onions, and he found himself smiling at the sight of Eren setting the table, and bringing a delicious looking bubbling dish out of the oven. He sat himself at the table, and quirked a brow at the whiskey bottle that sat in the centre, adorned with a pretty red ribbon. “Um, what’s this?” he queried, raising the bottle, looking over at Eren who was at the cutting board. 

Eren turned to look over at him. “Well, I didn’t think you’d want flowers, so this is my equivalent.” He shrugged a shoulder and chuckled a little before facing the cutting board once more, finely chopping up herbs. 

Levi placed the whiskey back down with a smile, “So what’s for dinner then?” His stomach starting to growl lowly at the smell of it. 

“German mac and cheese. You’ll love it, everyone does.” 

“Wow, I feel so special.” Levi drawled, tapping his finger on the table top and looking over at Eren as he carried the dish to the table, placing it down carefully and removing the oven gloves before returning to get the serving spoon. 

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve never cooked it for anyone else before, I just meant everyone I know who’s had it has loved it.” 

Levi reached across the table and squeezed Eren’s wrist, causing him to pause, spoon hovering over the dish. “I was teasing Eren, don’t get so wound up.” He faltered for a moment before continuing. “Thank you for this.” 

Eren smiled blindingly at him, before digging the spoon into the steaming pasta dish, scooping a generous amount into Levi’s bowl, strings of cheese breaking apart, before serving himself. 

“Do you want to talk about it? Your day?” Eren asked gently, spooning a small mouthful of pasta into his mouth, closing his eyes at the comfort it brought. 

Levi froze, fork hovering over his bowl, it wasn’t so much the work part, although that was absolute hell too, no, the real kicker was the unexpected phone call he’d received. From someone he never thought he’d hear from again. It had shot him straight back to his disturbing childhood, caused him to relieve memories he’d tried so hard to keep buried. Made parts of him that he’d rather keep hidden stir, and he didn’t know how to cope with it. Could he tell Eren about that? That part of him, that sordid history of his, without breaking apart and pushing the kid away? Did he want to unburden that part of his soul, he had no doubt it would hurt, opening up that part of himself. It was seared onto his soul, and talking about it would be akin to ripping it off, tearing himself apart in the process. He’d been pushed into counselling before, and it did him no good, and he didn’t want to go back there. He knew Eren cared more than some random person who was getting paid to listen, he knew Eren would show him empathy, but he still couldn’t bring himself to tell the truth, to shed light on the darkness that hid in his heart. He must have been silent for a long time, staring at the food below him unseeing, because Eren’s voice broke through. 

“You don’t have to. I just thought it might help to get it off of your chest.” 

Levi finally took a bite of his dish, and was pleasantly surprised at the complexity of the flavours in such a simple meal. It was incredible. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, before swallowing, and taking a sip of water. 

“No, you’re right. It was just a shit storm really, somebody ballsed up some pretty vital paperwork, and it took a lot to track it all down and amend it, then not to mention taking care of the disciplinary actions to follow because of it. Some er… some other stuff came up, but it doesn’t really matter. It was rough, but it’s over with now. I’m here with you and this is great. Thank you.” He smiled softly at Eren, just a small quirk of the corner of his lips before he continued eating. Yes, it didn’t matter, no sense dragging up the past, just enjoy the present. 

They ate and cleaned up in sweet domesticity. A feeling so calming and natural that Levi couldn’t help but succumb to it, letting the stress go, only the darkest of thoughts remained, just niggling at the edges of his mind, but he could cope with that, so used to their lingering presence anyway. He was hardly paying attention to what was on the television as they sat on the couch, the warmth of Eren’s leg pressed up against his, their fingers tightly twined together. 

“Levi” came the soft voice of the younger man, breath ghosting over his face from where Eren’s head rested atop his. 

He hummed in acknowledgement, squeezing the man’s fingers within his own. 

“Relax, you’re so tense.” 

Levi shifted as slightly as possible, trying not to dislodge the other man from his position. “I am relaxed Eren.” 

“Levi, I’m practically sitting on top of you. I can feel how tight your muscles are. That is not relaxed.” 

He felt Eren press a gentle kiss to the top of his head, mouth lingering for a moment, before the brunette straightened up. Levi huffed, feeling slightly uncomfortable now. “Well, I don’t know then Eren, this is as relaxed as I’m going to get. I’m fine, it’s fine, let’s just chill.” 

His gaze shot to the young bartender as he felt Eren rise from the couch, pulling their hands apart. 

“I beg to differ.” Eren said with a smirk, striding out of the room. Levi could hear a tinkling sound in the kitchen and he soon reappeared with a healthy dose of whiskey in a heavy crystal glasses. “Here.” The brunette offered the drink to Levi. “Have this, and shuffle forward.”

Levi quirked his brown in curiosity, reaching out he accepted the drink but made no attempt to move forward. 

“I’m going to give you a massage and you’re going to feel wonderful by the time I’m done. Come on.” He said, giving Levi’s free hand a little tug.   
He smiled slightly and relented, shuffling forward, trying to remain comfortably on the couch, but also giving the brunette enough room to sit behind him. 

Eren squeezed in behind Levi, and rubbed his hands together briskly, trying to warm them up.   
He began at the base of Levi’s neck, thumbs pressing firmly into the hard muscle, rolling the pressure upwards, teasing the edge of his undercut, and back down again before working along his shoulders. It didn’t take long for Levi to become pliant under his ministrations. His hands working magic as they eased the stiffness out of the raven’s overworked muscles. Levi made no comment during, only taking occasional sips of his whiskey and emitting small soft groans when Eren pressed particularly hard. 

Eren tried not to let his mind wander as he gave the massage, but as he worked the firm muscle beneath his hands, he couldn’t help but begin to think of other ways he could run his hands over Levi’s perfect, toned body. Oh to have those strong muscles throw him around. He felt himself start to harden slightly at that thought and he shuffled backwards so as to not alert Levi of his predicament. He’d proposed this massage because he genuinely wanted the man to relax, not as an excuse to jump his bones, although he was starting to get desperate for that as well. Levi was the most attractive man he’d had the pleasure of being with and everything about him drew him in. Even his supposedly cold exterior made him smile, there was nothing about Levi that he didn’t enjoy and he wanted the older man so badly. They’d never gone further than that one spectacular blowjob session and he was ready for something more. He was ready for Levi to absolutely destroy him, he wanted to be begging for the older man, wanted to feel that unadulterated high that came from the pure bliss of raw passion. He shuffled backwards a little further, uncomfortably far away now, but until he managed to get his thoughts under control he needed to prevent himself from rutting up against Levi like a dog in heat. He pressed his thumbs sharply into the middle of Levi’s spine, hands splayed either side as he applied a harsh amount of pressure and was met with a sharp crack. 

The groan that slipped from the raven’s mouth, at the release of tension after Eren’s amateur chiropractor movement, was downright sinful and Eren swallowed thickly as Levi’s head dropped forward onto his chest and he let out a long breath. There went any chance of his erection dying, god how he wanted to hear that sound again. He was now completely hard, beads of pre-come beginning to coat the inside of his boxers, making the material stick and drag uncomfortably against the head of his cock. 

“Now tell me Eren.” Levi’s voice was dangerously low and thick, accent suddenly stronger than usual. “Was it your plan to coax me into some fun and games, or do you really just love touching me so much that you couldn’t help that little reaction back there?” 

Eren’s hands froze over the top of Levi’s back, face burning hot and he stuttered an incomprehensible mess of words, until Levi chuckled darkly, efficiently silencing him. 

The raven haired man placed his glass on the floor by the edge of the couch and stood, stretching his arms over head, leaving Eren to stare, face red and cock still dampening his pants. 

Levi turned around and Eren’s eyes went wide at the sight, he sucked in a breath as he met Levi’s gaze, pupils blown and darker than he’d ever seen them. He raked his eyes downwards, biting his lip as he found that Levi’s cock was also fully erect. 

“You never answered my question Eren.” Levi prompted, voice strong and unwavering, tone constantly dropping lower. 

Eren couldn’t help but drop his hand to his crotch, desperately palming himself, loving the way Levi’s expression darkened even further and a sly smile crept onto his face as he watched the movement. “I-I didn’t plan it. I p-promise.” He panted, already so worked up. Already so desperate under the man’s heated gaze. 

Levi abruptly snatched Eren’s wrist away from his groin and yanked him roughly to his feet, causing the younger man to stumble slightly, grabbing onto him for support. Levi kept one hand on his wrist and brought the other up to tangle in the brunette’s messy locks, yanking his head back harshly, exposing his supple neck. “I love how fucking responsive you are. I’m not even doing anything and just look at you.” Eren whimpered and pawed at Levi’s chest, nails raking through the jumper. Levi set his mouth onto the crook of Eren’s neck, sucking and biting, working dark marks all along his skin, relishing in the hot taste of what was uniquely Eren, letting it linger on his tongue. 

Eren rolled his hips into Levi, trying to gain some friction to his aching member, trying desperately to spur Levi into further action. He needed more, needed it like he’d never needed anything before. He felt Levi groan into his neck, biting down hard and relentlessly tugging on his hair. Eren emitted a soft hiss from between his teeth, hands still clutching at Levi’s chest. Then Levi was pulling away suddenly, putting too much distance between them and Eren couldn’t help the whine that escaped him as he fought to close the space again, pulling Levi harshly against him before claiming his lips. 

The kiss was hot and messy, a desperate fight for dominance, tongues thrashing against one another until Eren finally submitted. He tugged one of Levi’s hands around to his lower back, fingertips dipping under the waistband. “Levi.” He moaned softly into the other man’s mouth. “Touch me.” Eren was met with a sharp slap of disappointment when Levi stepped away, ending the kiss suddenly. There was an intense pause as the two men eyed each other, the energy thick and palpable.

“Upstairs now.” The older man ordered calmly, tone laced so thick with desire it had heat pooling quickly in Eren’s abdomen, cock throbbing with each step as he tried not to rush upstairs, tried to keep some sense in his pace, glancing over his shoulder every few steps to reassure himself that Levi was following. 

Eren threw himself on the bed as soon as he was within reach. 

“Strip” another command and Eren wasted no time in following it, practically ripping his clothes off, not caring about how he looked, shedding them as fast as his fingers would allow, throwing them unceremoniously on the floor, dragging himself up the bed to rest upon the headboard as he watched Levi carefully remove his clothes and fold them, gently placing them over a chair in the corner of the room.

Eyes never leaving each other, Levi placed a knee on the corner of the bed, arm reaching forward, cold hand grasping firmly around Eren’s ankle giving a sharp tug, yanking the younger man back down the bed, towards him. He kneeled over Eren, legs either side of his, eyes raking down approvingly. “You’re so fucking beautiful Eren.” He whispered, taking in the delicious sight that lay beneath him. Long, toned, tanned limbs, lean muscle shifting under his gaze. He pulled on Eren’s arms as the younger man had tried to cover his face at the compliment. “Don’t hide. Pretty boy, don’t hide from me.” He smirked as he felt Eren’s cock twitch against his abdomen at the litany of praises that were falling from his lips, and he successfully brought Eren’s arms away from his face. 

Lips met again, softer this time. The desperation slowly being replaced with affection and a longing of a different kind. Tongues gently stroked and coaxed each other, chasing with little licks and nips. Hands roamed, grasping onto shoulders, hips, thighs, wherever they could find purchase. Fingertips digging into supple flesh, pulling and pushing against each other. It wasn’t until Levi’s fingers brushed Eren’s weeping cock that he pulled away from the kiss to release a broken cry. “Levi.” He whined, rolling his hips upwards, brushing his cock with the older mans, and causing them both to groan lowly. Levi rolled his down in return before he began to press soft kisses into the brunette’s chest, working his way down slowly. Flicking a nipple, and giving the other a sharp pinch as he went, chuckling darkly at the way Eren’s back arched under his touch. His hands settled on the brunettes hips, pressing him down firmly into the mattress as he gave the younger man’s cock a bold lick. Sucking the head into his mouth sharply before releasing it suddenly and latching onto Eren’s inner thighs. Working dark marks into the soft flesh, before pressing a firm kiss against Eren’s tight hole. Hands gripping his hips harder as he fought against the surprised jolt that came from the younger man. He pressed his mouth against the fluttering hole once more, opened his lips and sucked softly. He heard Eren gasp sharply, felt the younger man’s hands grasp the sheets tightly, and saw the way his muscles clenched unconsciously. He pressed his tongue against the twitching entrance and pushed it inside, working it around Eren’s convulsing walls as cries of pleasure fell upon his ears. 

Eren was given a moment to catch his breath, chest rising and falling heavily, as Levi worked his way back up his body, stroking, kissing, biting. He heard the drawer of the nightstand open and felt something drop onto the bed next to him, but he was quickly distracted by Levi returning to his previous activity. Tongue pressed up against him in the most sinful manner. Eren was shaking from the sheer pleasure of it. His muscles were twitching and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. He was already so worked up, his cock practically untouched and he craved relief. He reached down to curl his hand around his member, squeezing tightly and giving it a soft tug before his hand was pried away and pinned down to his side. 

Levi chided him, mouth never leaving his hole and Eren cried out once more. Moans wracking his body as his back arched. 

Levi reached for the bottle of lubricant that he’d retrieved moments ago, and flicked the top open, coating his fingers in the liquid, rubbing them together briefly before moving his mouth back up to Eren’s cock, swallowing him down as deep as he could go, sucking tightly, bobbing slowly, as he pressed a finger to the fluttering hole, pressing again harder, causing Eren to release delicious whimpers before he pushed it inside, past the tight ring of muscle. His own cock throbbed at the tight wet heat that surrounded his finger, his thoughts quickly falling to how it would feel to have Eren clenching around his cock instead. How it would feel to snap his hips into the brunette, to have him writhing underneath him in a desire so intense it made him cry. He felt around the warm walls, pushing and pulling until he was met with little resistance and he added a second finger. Splaying the two apart, stretching Eren as far as he could, pushing in harshly and curling his fingers upwards upon which Eren let out an incredibly deep moan, head thrown back against the pillows, and hands twisted so tightly in the sheets that his knuckles were white. 

“Does it feel good here Eren?” He pushed in a third finger and curled the tips upwards again, hitting the sensitive bundle of nerves head on. Eren hissed, hips rising off the bed and he whined as Levi pressed his fingers into the same spot. “I asked you a question Eren.” 

“Yes, yes. Shit. Yes, it feels good.” He broke off in a moan and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, head tilted back as far it would go. Levi had once again started suckling the head of his cock, and the hand that wasn’t abusing his prostate was now caressing his balls. It was such an assault to the senses that he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t think straight, he was vaguely aware of the string of curses falling from his mouth between moans. The pressure on his prostate was unrelenting as Levi rubbed his fingertips against it constantly, alternating between firm and gentle movements and Eren quickly felt the familiar build of heat in his gut, muscles beginning to spasm harder and his breathing becoming quicker. No, this was not how he wanted to come, he needed Levi inside of him. He was insatiable, and this whilst being too much, simultaneously wasn’t enough. 

“Stop.” He hissed out, hands still pressed against his eyes, trying desperately to gain some sense of control. 

Levi paused and let Eren’s cock fall from his mouth. “What’s wrong?” His fingers were still buried in Eren’s ass, but he’d brought the other hand away from where he’d been fondling the younger man’s balls, and pushed himself up slightly to look at Eren. He bit his lip at the sight, the younger man looked positively wrecked, perhaps it had been too much for him? His hair was splayed across the pillow, strands sticking to his face, sheen with sweat, hands pressed harshly into his eyes and his chest moving quickly. 

“’M close” the other man garbled out, hands finally falling to the side of him. 

Levi looked at the blush that was seared across the brunettes face, and took in the lost look in his eyes, smirking as he curled his fingers once more, pushing firmly into his prostate. Eren cried out, legs tensing as he tried to sit up and push Levi away. 

“No, I-I don’t want to come like this. I-ah-I want you.” 

Levi smiled, leaning towards Eren, pressing a firm kiss to his mouth, down his jaw as he pushed the younger man back down onto the bed, hovering over him, watching his face as the man was overcome with pleasure, Levi’s fingers relentless, giving no relief, drilling constantly into the brunettes prostate. “You. Have. Me. Eren.” Each word was punctuated with a press against the sensitive bundle. 

“Ahh, shit, shit shit.” Eren’s hands rushed down to his cock and he wrapped his fingers around the base tightly, holding off his impending orgasm. “No, I want all of you.” He met Levi’s gaze, despite his own vision being hazy. He felt dazed, so overwhelmed with pleasure he couldn’t think straight. 

“Fuck me.” He let out a shaky breath. “Please Levi, fuck me, fuck me. Oh god please. Please, I need you. Shit I need you, please please please.” He tapered off, whining and breathing harshly as he struggled to hold off his orgasm, he was so lost in his own desperation, in his own begging that he hardly noticed the sensation of Levi removing his fingers, didn’t realise when the man rolled on a condom and slicked himself up. He only came back the moment he felt the head of Levi’s cock pressed up against his hole. 

“Ready?” came Levi’s smooth voice, soothing him, coaxing him down from his worked up state, he felt a little more in control so he loosened his grip on his cock and nodded, eyes fluttering closed as he felt the man roll his hips and press forward, pushing inside slowly. He sucked in a breath. Despite having been worked open, it was still a stretch, leaving a dull sting that blurred the lines between pleasure and pain. 

Levi waited, trying to let Eren adjust and attempting to gain some control over himself. The tight wet heat almost had him coming the moment he’d pressed inside. He gave a testing thrust after a little while, rolling his hips forward firmly and watched as Eren’s lips parted in pleasure. His hands found purchase on the brunette’s waist, gripping strongly, holding the younger male in place as he snapped his hips forward, thrusts slow but forceful, gradually building in speed and power, focusing on Eren’s face as he drove into him. Watching as the man was overcome with ecstasy, he relished in the way Eren’s hands scrabbled over his shoulders on a particularly harsh thrust, preened under the moans that the man released and bathed himself in the hot breath that came out in pants, washing over his face as he leant forward, bracing himself, arms either side of the brunette and took Eren’s earlobe between his teeth. 

The change in angle had Eren arching once more and crying out, nails digging into the flesh of his shoulders. “Fuck, right there. Oh shit, don’t stop.” The brunette tossed his head back and raised his hips to meet Levi’s. 

“I wasn’t planning on it.” Levi grunted out between thrusts, suddenly biting down on the side of Eren’s neck, bringing the flesh up harshly between his teeth. 

Eren was holding on with everything he had, but when Levi bit down on the soft flesh of his neck it broke the dam within him and he was soon spilling over himself, crying out the older man’s name wantonly. 

Levi hissed as he felt Eren convulse around him, and he quickened his pace, roughly fucking the younger man through his orgasm, pushing him into the realm of oversensitivity before he was coming himself, shuddering as his harsh thrusts fell into lazy presses. “Shit Eren.” He breathed out dropping his head onto the brunette’s shoulder, pressing soft kisses into the sweat slicked skin. He felt Eren turn his head and he raised his own to find him reaching for his face, hands drawing him down until their lips met and they shared a slow languid kiss. Tongues gently caressing one another. “We need to get cleaned up.” He said between chaste kisses. “I’ll be right back.” He pressed another kiss against Eren’s mouth before pulling out with a slight grimace and heading towards the bathroom. He disposed of the condom and wiped himself down before returning with a damp cloth, leaning over and cleaning the come off of Eren’s abdomen, pressing a kiss to the warm skin afterwards. Returning to the bathroom, he rinsed the cloth in the sink before throwing it in the hamper. 

Eren was still sprawled on top of the bed when he returned, skin flush with a rosy glow, hair mussed and lips parted. He watched as the man’s breathing slowed and he raised a shaky arm to brush the sweaty bangs from his face. He continued to the bed, kneeling upon it and crawling over Eren’s frame. Leaning down to reignite the sweet kisses they’d shared moments before. “So are you going to get underneath the covers or are we sleeping on top of them tonight?” 

Eren huffed out a breathless laugh. “Yeah, just give me a sec. I still feel a bit shaky.” He brushed the hair away from his face once more, as Levi continued to pepper his skin with gentle kisses. 

“That good huh?” Levi teased, shooting him a cocky smile between kisses. Eren laughed more heartily this time and reluctantly pushed Levi off of him, rolling to the side and shuffling off of the bed to pull the covers back and slide underneath them, watching as the raven haired man did the same. They immediately scooted close to each other, Levi tucking Eren’s head under his chin and their limbs entwining as they held each other. “Night brat.” He mumbled, pressing a kiss to the mop of brown locks, smiling to himself as he heard Eren’s quiet response, sleep already overcoming the younger man. He sighed, burying his nose into Eren’s hair before closing his eyes and letting the wave of slumber wash over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading, thanks for the kudos and comments, they really mean a lot and it's what keeps me going when I look back and think man this is terrible. 
> 
> As promised this is the last nice chapter for a while, so brace yourselves because from here on out it's not going to be pretty.


	15. Cocktail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's back to avoiding his feelings, but at what cost? Meanwhile things only get worse for Eren and now he feels more alone than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's super short, I'm at that point now where I have nothing written ahead of time, and although I know exactly where I want to go with this, I've been struggling to write it out. I just wanted to get something out there because this will most likely be the last time I update until the new year now. Things are pretty crazy this time of year, and even more so since I'll be out of the country for Christmas, so everything needs to be sorted earlier than usual. 
> 
> I hope everyone has a great holiday season, and I'll see you in the new year! 
> 
> Oh and minor T/W for attempted poisoning.

They were sat on the couch again, Eren had stayed over the last few nights and Levi refused to think any deeper about what that meant. TV flickering in the dim light, Eren’s legs were tossed across Levi’s lap as he reclined across the cushions. Levi rested a hand upon the brunette’s thigh, thumb rubbing firm circles into the muscle. He could feel Eren staring at him, gaze burning. He turned his head slightly, meeting Eren’s eyes and he flinched, quickly averting his gaze. “Don’t look at me like that.” He mumbled, gaze down, and thumb still.

“Like what?” Eren sat up slightly, confused at the sudden change in atmosphere, they’d just been relaxing watching TV, although admittedly he’d gotten caught up in watching Levi more than anything else.

“Like you’re in love with me.” Eren sucked in a breath through his teeth. Was it really that clear on his face? He knew he was falling for the older man, he knew it’d only be a matter of time before he said the words, but he never thought it’d be that obvious to Levi himself. “Is that such a bad thing?” He swallowed, throat tight, voice quiet and hoarse.

Levi squeezed the flesh under his palm for a moment before releasing his grip. “Yes.”

Eren blinked at the cold monotone of Levi’s voice, all previous warmth gone. “Why?”

“Because I’m not someone to love.” He gently pushed Eren’s legs off of his and stood up, heading towards the stairs.

“Shouldn’t you let me decide that?” Eren’s voice called out, and Levi winced at the tremor he could hear in it.

“I’m going to bed.” He didn’t spare a glance back, terrified of what he might see. Instead he did what he always does best and pushed everything to the back of his mind and climbed the stairs alone.

Eren blinked, staring at the empty space where Levi had been and suddenly he was blinking some more, furiously trying to hold back the tears that surged out of nowhere. He wiped them away as quickly as they fell and tried to take deep calming breaths. It’ll be ok, he told himself. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Levi made that clear from the start, but it would be ok, because when he looked into Levi’s eyes he saw his own feelings reflected back and that was enough. God he hoped it would be enough.

 

It was an hour later when he heard Eren enter the bedroom, he lay still on his side, eyes shut, concentrating on keeping his breathing steady and even. He wanted to appear asleep, he didn’t have it in him to talk about what had occurred earlier. How did he even begin to voice the fear that constricted around his heart when he saw the warmth and admiration in Eren’s eyes? How did he begin to say that he felt like he was losing himself in the way that he was falling for him? He thought he’d have more time to sort through his mess of feelings before Eren started to get in that deep. The mattress dipped as he felt the brunette slide in beside him, could feel the younger man hesitate before he laid down on the far side of the bed. He released a silent sigh, looking slightly over his shoulder at the brunette whose back was to him, feeling a twinge of disappointment in that, for the first time since Eren had stayed over, they weren’t cuddled up together.

His alarm blared in the morning and he groaned twisting out of the covers to shut it off. He crept out of bed, leaving Eren huddled under the blankets as he began his morning routine. Once fully dressed, combat boots awaiting him downstairs he hovered in the doorway of his bedroom, watching the young man’s sleeping form, he wondered if he should wake him before he left. He rocked forward on his feet for a moment before deciding against it and moved away from the doorway, down the hall and stairs. He was still reeling from last night’s awkwardness and he’d rather just shove it aside for as long as possible. He knew that wasn’t the adult thing to do, but it was the easiest.

Eren blinked, staring down at the mattress as he listened to Levi leave the house and heard his car start and pull away, rumbling of the engine growing more distant as it grew further away from the house. He didn’t think Levi would leave without saying goodbye, but he’d felt too embarrassed to speak up and stop the older man. Sighing to himself he threw back the covers, making the bed quickly before proceeding to shower, dressing in clothes that he’d left here previously and heading out, locking the door with the spare key and placing it back safely in its hiding place.

The walk home felt tortuous, the cold was beginning to let up a little, but his thoughts bit at him constantly, he didn’t know how next to approach things. He didn’t want to push Levi any further away, but the situation definitely needed addressing. Feeling the onset of a headache as he reached his door, he rubbed his temples and tried to push the thoughts aside for now. He hadn’t made any progress with them, and clearly overthinking it was doing more harm than good.

He pushed inside and toed off his shoes, shoving them roughly to the side as he hung up his keys and coat and headed straight for the kitchen. The eerie silence that weaved through the house showed that the property was empty aside from himself. He thanked the universe for that fact, he could not deal with his father or even his step mother right now. He yanked open the fridge, eyes scanning the shelves quickly before they fell on a carton of orange juice. He reached for it, fingers grasping the chilled box and poured himself a glass, placing the carton on the side momentarily as he took a sip, preparing to feel the refreshing liquid slide down his throat. Instead what hit was tongue was an acute sourness, met with a sudden acrid burn.

He rushed towards the sink, spitting out the liquid, eyes burning. Running the tap he desperately swallowed some water and spat it out again. Was that, was that _bleach_? He eyed the carton suspiciously, breathing heavily. On suddenly shaky limbs he reached for the carton and pulled the hand towel from the oven rack throwing it in the sink and pouring the juice over it.

As he stared down at the soaked towel he fumbled blindly for his phone in his back pocket, grasping onto it with weak fingers, he managed to unlock the screen and dial Armin’s number. It took several rings for the blonde to answer.

“Eren, I was actually about to call you.” He sounded weary and his voice hoarse.

Eren’s brows furrowed, the juice soaked towel suddenly unseen. “Is everything ok?” He pressed, hand shaking as he held the phone tight against his ear

“Actually, it’s Grandad. The cancer is back and…” Eren heard him swallow before he continued. “Well, they don’t think he has much time left.”

Eren released a shaky breath, feeling tears sting at his eyes. Armin’s grandad had been a rock in his own life too, and he knew how important he was to Armin. “Are you…okay?” he hissed at himself for the stupidity of that question. Of course he wasn’t ok.

“I’m coping, I’m trying to stay positive for him ya know. Don’t need to make it any harder for him than it already is.” Silence. Stretching out uncomfortably, and reflecting on it later Eren would realise he already knew what was coming. “Eren, I’m so sorry. I know I said that you could stay anytime and I know things are shitty for you at home currently, but I just- I need this time with him.”

Eren closed his eyes, swallowing thickly. “Oh god, of course Armin, don’t… don’t even worry about it. This is far more important. I’ll be fine, things really aren’t that bad here and I’ve always got…” He trailed off, remembering how things had been left and suddenly he felt like all the words falling out of his mouth were nothing but lies. He cleared his throat roughly. “Sorry, um. Levi, I can always stay with Levi.” He swallowed once more, trying hard to control his breathing. “I’m really sorry about your grandad Armin, you know I love him too.”

“I know.” The blonde’s response was muted, like he almost wished Eren didn’t, so that he wouldn’t have to share in the pain.

“Just call me if you need anything.” Armin made a sound of agreement and with that the call was over. Eren placed the phone on the countertop and gripped the edge of the sink harshly. Eyes squeezing shut, forcing back the tears that welled beneath his lids. As he finally opened his eyes he sucked in a harsh breath at the sight of the distorted colours on the towel laying in the sink.

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, feedback always appreciated.   
> P.s. Hurrah for me, for finally figuring out this site a little more. I'd been using the HTML option to upload only to realise it doesn't carry across my bold or italicized features, hopefully the format will look better going forward.


	16. Teach me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren experiences something he never thought he would and Levi works to push past his issues and lower his walls just a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well look at me tossing lies out left right and centre. Last time I updated I was so sure that I wouldn't be putting out anymore chapters until after Christmas, but that same day I made myself sit down and write a little, and I swear this chapter wasn't even in my plot plan, it just wrote itself. I'm glad though because it makes the flow of the story better and I actually really like this chapter, plus it's fluff, which I also said there'd be no more of for a while, but hey sometimes we need extra fluff. 
> 
> TW for urine and vomit, if you're particularly squeamish about those things the beginning of the chapter is going to be rather unpleasant, however I don't feel I've gone into too much detail.

It had been three days since the bleach incident, and Eren hadn’t heard from Levi at all. Not that he’d attempted to contact either. He was lost in a haze of disbelief and fear. His father had been trying to poison him. There was no other explanation. He’d barely slept, didn’t dare to eat or drink and spent what little money he had on food from the local store, so he could be sure that it hadn’t been tampered with. It didn’t last long though. So here he was, three days later. Sitting on the edge of his rickety bed, hands gripping the sheets, staring at nothing in particular, wondering what he must have done in a previous life to deserve this.

 

Five days and Eren was still on edge around his father, holing himself up in his room most of the time, or walking around the town until his feet ached and his body was numb from the cold. Still no word from Levi, and he felt so worn down.

 

Day nine brought yet more torment, as he stumbled from his bedroom to the bathroom, body and mind fatigued from the restless nights and lack of nutrition, he fumbled for his toothbrush in the holder, mind not really recognising that it was already wet, brain too slow to take note of the pungent scent that rose from the bristles, eyes widening in realisation too late as the toothbrush touched the inside of his mouth and he abruptly dropped it and vomited harshly into the sink as the taste and stench of urine overloaded his senses. Knees giving way, he moved to lean over the toilet, heaving once more, and even though the taste of sick filled his mouth it couldn’t wash away the burn of what had happened. His eyes watered, and sweat plastered his hair to his head as he hung over the bowl of the toilet, shaking violently as thoughts swam in his mind at a mile a minute. He pissed on my toothbrush, he _pissed_ on my toothbrush. He’s sick, sick, sick, sick.

Eren wiped his mouth as he shakily pushed himself to his feet, and rinsed his mouth out under the tap before throwing the offending toothbrush into the bin. He stumbled back to his bedroom and shut the door, sliding down onto the floor and burying his face into his knees as tears began to stream down his face. He had to get out, but he had nowhere to go. Nobody that cared. The tears came harder and he sobbed until his head throbbed and his breath was hitching, his eyes were puffy and sore and his lips red from where he had chewed on them incessantly. The trill of his phone broke the silence, signifying a message and he crawled over to where it was plugged in near his bed.

 

**From Levi: Can we talk?**

He felt a fresh wave of tears brimming, great, on top of everything else Levi was going to break up with him. He truly was alone. He stared down at the phone, vision blurring as hot tears spilled forth once again, wetting the screen. The phone chimed again.

 

**From Levi: I’m getting off early today. Come over?**

**From Levi: 4?**

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, fingers shaking as he typed his reply.

 

**To Levi: Ok**

It seemed cold, but he didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t want to go, he’d rather just avoid it, didn’t want to hear the excuses. The whole ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Although he supposes in this case it would be true, because Levi did warn him of this from the beginning. He sat on the floor, propped up against his bed, until it was time for him to get ready to leave, and then he did so as slowly as possible, as if delaying it would mean he wouldn’t have to experience having his heart ripped out of his chest.

 

He was already fifteen minutes late as he rounded the corner, approaching Levi’s drive. He stood on the doorstep for a moment, steeling himself before he knocked. He wouldn’t cry, he refused to make this any harder than it had to be. The door swung open and he found himself staring at Levi’s hair, unable to bring himself to look in the older man’s eyes.

 

“Wow. You look like shit.” He winced at Levi’s harsh words. “Sorry. That was stupid, I didn’t mean it like that. I just- have you been ill?” He paused, “It’s just you don’t look like you’ve been very well.”

 

Eren huffed out a humourless laugh, finally meeting his gaze, tears already threatening to form.

“Yeah, well it’s been a pretty shit week.” Levi looked pained at that, and ushered Eren inside, he took the brunettes coat, and hung it up, pushing him gently through to the living room once he’d taken of his shoes.

 

Eren sat down at Levi’s urging and flinched slightly as the raven haired man sat close to him, their knees touching.

“I’m sorry I didn’t contact you.” Levi began, he was picking at a hole in his jeans, eyes downcast. Eren focused on his own hands, clasped tightly in his lap. “I’ve not been doing a very good job of this, and I’m sorry for that too. I said I want to try, and I really do, and I’ve come to realise that I need to push myself out of my comfort zone a little more.” There was a pause, as Eren heard him take a deep shaky breath. “Are you, Do you- Do you still want me? Want this?” He asked, voice soft and pleading.

 

Eren’s gaze flickered upwards, catching Levi’s. He looked unsure and so fragile, and it was in that moment that he realized how truly vulnerable the older man was, made him wonder how many of his actions were just a front to protect himself.  Eren nodded, opening his mouth, but finding that his throat was tight, the words stuck inside, choking him. God he still wanted him, wanted him desperately, needed him. Levi reached forward, grasping his hands tightly between his own.

 

“I’ve had a fucking awful life Eren. Been through things that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, and that’s what’s made me into this.” His face twisted as he spoke, and Eren couldn’t help the pained expression that crossed his face at the sight of it. “I’m so messed up, mentally and emotionally. I don’t trust people, because that’s how you get hurt, and I’ve had enough hurt to last me several lifetimes over.”

 

Eren twisted his hands in Levi’s grip, thumbs coming out to stroke soft circles into pale skin. A calming reassurance, he was here, he was listening, without judgement, without pressure.

 

“And I’ll tell you about it sometime, but I just… I need time Eren.” He looked deep into Eren’s eyes, desperate. “Can you give me that? Because, I want this, I want you, but… I’m scared Eren. I’m scared that you’ll turn out to be like everyone else, but even more so, I’m scared that you’ll give me your heart when I’m not sure if I even know how to love anymore- and you don’t deserve that, but.” He heaved in another deep breath, before releasing it slowly, lips quivering at the force of it. “I want to try.”

 

Eren darted forward, pulling Levi into a firm embrace, tears flowing freely. He sniffled as he pressed soft kisses to Levi’s temple, breathing in the gentle scent from his dark locks, smiling against his hair as he felt Levi’s hands come up to clutch at his back. He didn’t know how long they sat in each other’s hold, but it no longer felt like enough. He thought he’d been about to lose Levi, instead the older man had opened up to him like he’d never done before, and even though he was asking for more time, to take it slow, it felt like a huge step forward. He needed the man closer, needed to show him how he felt in this moment.

 

 

Leaning back, he gently held Levi away from him by the shoulders. “I’ll give you all the time you need Levi, because I do love you. I know you said you’re afraid of that, but it’s ok. There’s no pressure.” He swallowed, licking his lips, pulling Levi’s face into his hands and angling it upwards before continuing, the words trembling on his lips. “I’ll teach you how to love again.”

 

Their lips met soft and sure, and Levi’s hands came up to tangle in Eren’s hair, as their mouths moved against each other deftly. Tongues tangled together as the kiss deepened, slow and gentle. The need different from what they usually experienced. A longing to be close, to feel safe, like they belonged. There was no hot racing desire, replaced instead by a yearning to be one, to give themselves to each other. At some point Eren had pushed Levi against the back of the sofa and straddled his legs, fingers gripping the soft shirt as he pressed his mouth deeper against Levi’s, whining softly into his mouth as he felt the other man’s tongue flick underneath his own. It wasn’t enough though, he needed more. Could feel that Levi needed it to, so when he leant back to remove his shirt, Levi didn’t hesitate to replicate the action. Bare chests pressed together and hands roamed over soft slick skin. Rolling his hips downwards he elicited a groan from the older man, and was rewarded with a slow thrust upwards in return. Levi held the back of Eren’s neck with one hand and placed the other on his hip, holding him firmly in place as he pressed soft kisses to his mouth, pressing his hips upwards with each one. The kiss broke naturally, and they rested their foreheads together as they rolled into one another, drinking in the soft moans and breathy sighs.

 

“Levi.” Eren croaked out, pushing himself up to undo the button on his jeans before stepping off the sofa to tug them and his underwear down, leaving them pooled on the floor as he knelt over Levi, hands hovering over the waistband of his trousers.

“I don’t have anything down here Eren.” He swallowed, voice hoarse. “No lube or condom.”

 

Eren reached for the older man’s fingers, bringing them up towards his mouth, pressing soft kisses to the tips of each of them. “I’m clean. Are you?”

 

Levi nodded, the military required them to get regular testing, regardless if they were sexually active or not.

 

Eren sucked the fingers into his mouth, tongue swirling around them, as he tugged the waistband of Levi’s trousers down with his free hand, Levi pushed them halfway down to his thighs, enough to free his cock and not restrict his leverage too much. He watched as Eren hummed around his digits, saliva leaking from the side of his mouth and running down the back of his hand. As Eren let his hand fall from his mouth, the brunette raised himself up and leant forward, giving Levi ample room to reach around and press one spit soaked digit against his hole.

 

“Are you sure?” He asked against Eren’s chest, waiting for the sound of agreement before pressing inside. He took it slower than he usually would, acutely aware that saliva wasn’t the best of lubricants, cautious not to hurt Eren. He pressed against the soft walls, pulling the finger almost all the way out and pushing it back inside before adding a second, scissoring them firmly but slowly, adding a third when he felt the young man was loose enough. Waited until he felt Eren’s breathing quicken as he pressed into his prostate, rubbing slow circles into the bundle of nerves, before finally withdrawing his fingers.

 

Eren shuffled backwards, leaning down to drool over Levi’s cock, using his hand to spread the saliva, took his time in making it wet enough, sighing at the soft sounds of pleasure that greeted his ears. Dribbling one last amount of saliva over the tip of the Levi’s hard member, he lined himself up, one hand curled at the base, and the other gripping Levi’s shoulder to steady himself.

 

Levi gripped his hips and watched as the younger man lowered himself onto his length. Hissed at the tightness, and fought the incredible urge to buck up into the wet heat. Once he was fully seated inside of Eren he loosened his hold slightly, and pressed soft kisses into the brunettes throat before leaning back and watching as the man raised himself up using his knees and lowered himself again slowly, moaning lowly as he did so. It didn’t take Levi long to feel the familiar tightness in his gut build, pulling Eren forward to kiss him as he thrust up hard and slow to meet Eren’s own movements. Their kisses were hardly more than breathing into one another, a brief meeting of lips as they exchanged moans and sighs. Levi raked his hands through the brunette’s messy locks.

 

“I’m close Eren. Fuck.” He hissed, pressing up hard and relishing in the stuttered gasps that left Eren’s lips.

 

Eren hummed, clutching Levi tightly. “Me too.”

 

Levi brought his hand down to pump Eren’s member in time with their thrusts, and it only took three strokes before Eren was coming with a gentle cry, over his hand and their stomachs. Upon feeling Eren’s muscles clench around his cock he too felt himself release inside of him, hips jerking slightly as he rode out the wave of his climax.

 

They didn’t move for the longest time. Stayed holding each other close, pressing kisses into each other’s warm skin, wherever they could reach, let their hands tangle together and their eyes spoke more than their mouths ever could. Eren closed his eyes, resting his head upon Levi’s shoulder. Everything would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that one guys. Who knows when the next update will be.


	17. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Eren's birthday, and the celebrations reveal more than Levi expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my word, it's been over a month!! I apologise, but my life has gotten a whole lot busier and this is just the beginning, hopefully I'll be able to manage my time a little better and update more frequently again. 
> 
> So, first of all, clearly if it's Eren's birthday that means Valentines Day has come and gone, I'm not going to lie I forgot all about it, so why don't we just pretend it doesn't exist. Great! 
> 
> second of all, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, it feels super long to me, and I think that's because it's chock full of dialogue, and one of the things I'm trying to work on in my writing is not making lots of dialogue so tedious to read, I tried really hard with this, but I still feel like I failed a little. However, I kind of went away from the plot plan in this chapter and I actually like how this turned out better, it's a lot less angsty than I originally intended, which might be a good thing considering you guys are going to get hit pretty damn hard with the angst soon. I keep promising it, and I mean it, it's about to be angst central up in here. 
> 
> Anyway, I've rambled on enough. Enjoy

Things had fallen back to exactly how they were, Eren was at his house most of the time again, and Levi watched as over the weeks a healthy colour returned to Eren’s skin. He did begin to notice that whenever he asked for some time alone, or for Eren to return home for a couple of days, that the younger man would tense up and plaster a false smile on his face before agreeing and bidding him farewell. He wanted to ask him about it, but what right did he have to pry into Eren’s life, when he was so reluctant to share his own. So he left it, and just found himself wondering a little more each time Eren returned, looking worn down, what on earth was going on.

 

It was a Friday evening and Eren was getting ready to head to Mirage from Levi’s house. “You’re still coming tomorrow right?” He asked the raven haired man over his shoulder as he tousled his soft locks in the mirror.

 

Levi was slumped casually in the chair of the corner of the bedroom, legs crossed and arms spread across the back. “Hmm, we had plans tomorrow?” He laughed at the sudden widening of Eren’s eyes and quickly cut in before Eren could whine. “Relax brat, I’m teasing you. Yes, as much I’d rather not meet everyone at once, I will be there.”

 

Eren sighed in relief and went back to fiddling with his strands, before rifling through his bag, digging out a pair of black socks and pulling them on hurriedly. “It’ll be fine, they’re so excited about meeting you, I know they’ll love you.”

 

Levi merely grunted and so Eren forged on.

 

“It really means a lot to have you there, and it’ll be fun I promise.”

 

“I honestly can’t get over the fact that your idea of fun is attending your place of work, on your rare night off.” Levi brought an arm forward and absentmindedly tapped his knee. “Wouldn’t you rather stay here, and I can give you my gifts in private.” He leant forward, a salacious grin on his face. “Worship you all night long.”

 

Eren tried to stifle a smirk. “As amazing as that sounds, it’s my birthday, so we do what I want to do. When it’s your birthday, you can make all the rules.” Levi watched as Eren strode confidently towards him, arms wrapping around his waist as his legs were being kicked apart before Eren took a seat on his lap. “Which by the way, you still haven’t told me when it is.”

 

Levi’s mouth twisted slightly and he nudged Eren off. “I told you, I’d let you know when it’s close. There’s no need to worry just yet.”

 

Eren narrowed his eyes at him, but let it go nonetheless. Levi watched as he gathered up his bags, darting back to press a chaste kiss to his mouth. “So I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He asked pleadingly, one more time.

 

Levi hooked a hand around the back of his neck, guiding his mouth towards his again. Kissing him softly before letting him go. “Yes. I promise.” He watched as Eren bounded out of the room with a wide smile, and listened to him letting himself out of the front door, gravel crunching under his feet as he made his way down the driveway. He released a sigh. What had he gotten himself into?

 

He’d originally said no when Eren asked him to attend dinner with his sister and closest friends, before heading out to Mirage for the night, but the hurt on Eren’s face as he refused tore away at him and he quickly relented. He opened the top drawer of the chest, and brushed aside the socks to reveal the gifts he’d hidden from Eren. It was as he was buying them that he realised he didn’t know a lot about the kid and he was instantly overcome with guilt. That was his fault, it was him that kept the distance in their relationship. He closed the drawer, burying the guilt deep down, he’d promised Eren he would try, and sometimes he felt like he was going back on his word, but opening up was just so damn hard. He was so afraid that everyone tomorrow, would be able to see the relationship for what it truly was. Just Levi clinging on to Eren, giving him nothing in return, just dragging him down and taking everything from him, until there’d be nothing left. He was petrified that they’d call him out on it, and Eren would finally open his eyes and leave him.

 

He kept telling himself that Eren loved him, and he wouldn’t leave, but those rancid thoughts ate away at him, overcoming everything else.

 

 

 

~

 

 

Eren rushed down the stairs at the sound of the doorbell and wrenched it open, flinging himself towards an open pair of arms. “Eren!” Mikasa wrapped her arms around him and held him tight against her chest, “God I’ve missed you.” She pushed him backwards, eyes raking over his face. “What’s been going on? You look stressed.”

 

Eren winced slightly and wriggled out of her firm grasp, he never could hide anything from her. “Nothing, it’s fine. Father’s just a little… you know.” Her face softened, and she brought him in for another hug. He buried his face in her inky tresses and relished the feeling of comfort she brought.

 

“I told you, you can come stay with me. I’m sure you’d have no problem finding work.” She spoke over his shoulder, the two siblings still clinging together.

 

Eren reluctantly pulled away from his sister’s embrace and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I don’t… I don’t really want to leave here right now.”

 

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him, arms crossing over her chest as she rested her weight on one leg and cocked a hip. “You mean that you don’t want to leave that hot little boyfriend you’ve got. What was his name again? Lewis, Luke?”

 

Eren huffed and picked up his sisters luggage, hauling it inside, motioning for her to follow. “It’s Levi, and you know it is. Quit messing with me.”

 

A small smile flashed across her face briefly, but it refashioned into a scowl as quick as it came. “I already don’t like him. You know no one will ever be good enough for my baby brother.”

 

Eren rolled his eyes, “Whatever, I can deal with you not liking him. You don’t like anyone, just be civil at least. I really… I’m in love with him. So don’t fuck this up for me.” He placed Mikasa’s luggage in the hallway and proceeded through to the kitchen. His sister hot on his heels.

 

“Don’t you think it’s a little too soon for that Eren?”

 

“There’s no timeline on love Mika”

 

She visibly grimaced at that. “Ugh, that’s so cliché.” Her eyes widened at the sudden peals of laughter that rang from Eren, as he doubled over, clutching his stomach, face crinkled from a smile so wide it stretched across his entire face. “What is so funny?” she watched her brother with concerned eyes.

 

Eren shook his head, straightening slowly as the laughter petered out to mere chuckles and stuttered intakes of breath. “Inside joke” he said as he wiped his eyes.

 

 

~

 

 

 

Levi was stood outside the restaurant where Eren wanted to have his dinner, and although it was invisible to most people, he was undeniably nervous. Meeting the sister and Eren’s closest friends all at the same time, and on Eren’s birthday nonetheless, it was a big deal. He didn’t do people well, hell he wasn’t even sure how he’d managed to keep Eren this long, but if he wanted to continue to be with him he had to make sure he didn’t screw tonight up. He fiddled with the edges of the gift bag he was carrying and rolled his shoulders, glancing down the street every few passing seconds. God he hoped Eren was the first to arrive, if he had to meet any of his friends without him it would be utter torture.

 

Someone up there must have been in his favour today though, because he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Eren round the corner, laughing brightly, arm linked with a dark haired girl. She was the same height as Eren, but that was where the similarities ended. She had pale skin and narrow grey eyes, not unlike his own, as they neared he could see that her hair was a rich black, swaying with each step, falling over her shoulders. She looked dressed to impress in over the knee black boots, dark wash jeans and a loose creamy white blouse. A red scarf was draped over her shoulders and her black coat which was hung open billowed around her. He dragged his gaze away from her to look at his boyfriend instead and his breath caught in his throat. Eren looked absolutely stunning, entirely in black. Black dress shoes, paired with ripped black skinny jeans, showing his beautiful tan skin. A fitted black shirt on top, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and open at the collar.

 

Eren looked away from the girl for a moment and caught sight of Levi standing in front of the restaurant and waved wildly at him, picking up pace and dragging the girl towards him.

 

Levi swallowed nervously and raised a hand back, before clutching the gift bag tightly to his chest in a bid to stop his hands from shaking.

 

“Levi.” He exclaimed coming within reach of him, tan hands were suddenly outstretched towards his face, and before he knew it Eren’s soft lips were on his and his eyes were fluttering shut at the warm sensation running through him. The kiss broke before it barely began and Eren stroked a thumb across his cheek before his hands were gone and reaching for the girl who was standing a respectable distance away. “Levi, this is my older sister Mikasa.”

 

_Sister?_ He knew Eren had a sister, studying away at university, but he never would have guessed that this would be her. They were so different, like night and day. She looked cold and calculating, she hadn’t moved an inch since the introduction, merely glaring at Levi like he was a threat. He simply raised an eyebrow at her behaviour and cleared his throat, offering his hand.

 

He tried to put on his least intimidating tone as he spoke “It’s nice to meet you. Eren thinks a lot of you, I can tell.”

 

She eyed his hand for a moment, before gripping tightly with her own, they shook once before releasing each other.

“I’m adopted.” She said with little finesse, arms now crossed over her chest, glare still in place.

 

Levi raised a brow once more, pretending to be bored with her odd display. “Is that relevant?” he asked, cold monotone seeping into his voice.

 

“Apparently so, because the curiosity is written all over your face, thought I’d solve that little mystery for you.”

 

Levi felt his lips twist into a scowl and he crossed his own arms defensively, eyes darkening.

 

“Um, why don’t we go inside and wait for the others there?” Eren’s voice cut through the tense atmosphere and Levi felt his soft hands guide him towards the doorway of the restaurant. He could hear Eren hissing at Mikasa, to be nice behind him and the bickering whispers that followed. He sighed silently, holding the door open for the both of them. This was off to a fucking great start.

 

Eren’s friends had arrived not long after they’d gone inside. Bounding in with bright energy to rival Eren’s own. Levi was surprised to realise he recognised both of the petite blondes. He hadn’t known Krista would be attending tonight, and he raised a brow at being introduced to Armin, realising this was the young man Eren had been speaking to before their first date. He caught himself feeling mildly awkward as the two young men embraced and the low tones of delicate conversations were abundantly clear. The last to arrive was yet another member of the Mirage bar team.

 

“Levi, this is Connie, Connie, Levi.” They shook hands briefly and Levi tried not to raise a brow at Eren when Connie waggled his mischievously.

 

The evening was going a little bit smoother than the beginning, copious amounts of alcohol was being ordered and an abundance of food to go with it. Eren’s hand rested on his knee underneath the table, a subtle comforting action. He followed the conversation and tried to interject when he deemed appropriate, he focused on keeping the natural scowl off his face and stole soft glances at Eren whenever he felt his nerves spike.

 

It was much further into the evening, when Armin announced it was time for presents, Levi cringed, he didn’t really like the idea of everyone watching and judging his own gift. Thankfully Eren had decided that he was going to open them later, when he had less alcohol in his system.

 

The meal was winding down, and Krista and Connie bid their farewells, they had to start work shortly. “I’ll have your favourite shots ready for you when you come in Eren.” Krista smiled brightly, shoving her arms through the sleeves of her coat as she spoke. Connie hung back, giving a thumbs up before opening the door for Krista.

 

Eren beamed at her, and waved lazily.

 

“Are you sure you’re up for coming out Ar, It’s ok if you want to go back to your Grandpa, I really appreciate you being here as it is.”

 

Armin shook his head, a small sad smile on his face.

 

“No, honestly. It’ll do me good to get out, there’s nothing I can do for him right now, and besides I’d never miss your birthday in a million years.”

 

Eren clutched at Armin’s hand briefly before sighing and slumping back into his chair, raising his arm and gesturing for the bill.

 

Levi’s hand found its way to Eren’s thigh and he squeezed it gently before retrieving his wallet from his coat pocket.

 

As the bill was placed in the centre of the table, four hands reached for it at once.

 

Everyone simultaneously chided Eren for attempting to even pay part of the bill.

 

The remaining three bickered amongst themselves, Armin, quickly becoming overwhelmed at the cold glares and practical snarls he could hear coming from the two ravens, dropped out of the argument with a declaration that he’d get the first few rounds later.

 

“I’m his family, I should pay for him.”

 

“And I’m his boyfriend, plus, I’m clearly the oldest here and you’re a student. Shouldn’t you be saving your money?” The words themselves were kind but the tone clearly said otherwise. Mikasa, stared Levi down before huffing, lip curling up in a sneer and snatched her arm away, roughly shoving her chair back as she stood.

 

“Fine.” She relented, “I’m going to the ladies room.”

 

Levi glanced at the bill briefly before throwing down some notes and standing to put on his coat.

 

“Eren, what the hell is with your sister?” He flicked up the collar of his coat, ignoring the inkling warning in the back of his mind telling him to watch what he’s saying.  

 

Eren smiled softly, hand coming up to grip his elbow, squeezing reassuringly through the coat.

 

“It’s not you. She’s just a bit overprotective. Still sees me as that little kid brother.”

 

“True.” Armin interjected, blonde hair swishing as he nodded slowly.

 

Levi snorted, shoving his hands in his pockets, before sitting back down, tense and uncomfortable.

 

“Well, I wonder where she gets that from?” he drawled sarcastically, registering far too late how Eren seemed to stiffen, spine straight and hands clenched into fists on his knees.

 

“She’s nothing like him.” He bit out, hands clenching impossibly tighter.

 

Levi finally looked at Eren, form slumping as he saw the tightness in his boyfriends jaw, and the pain behind his eyes.

 

Eren blinked, once, then twice and seemed to let out a slow breath. “Just give her a chance Levi.” He met his gaze. “I know she’s a little rough around the edges, but so are you.”

 

Levi reared back slightly at Eren’s admission of his nature and found himself nodding and mumbling an ashamed apology. He didn’t know anything of Eren’s family really, and had no right to judge, and who is he to say what’s right or wrong, his family were beyond fucked up.

 

Mikasa returned from the bathroom, and they left the restaurant in silence. Levi had almost announced that maybe he should leave, go home, give the three of them time to catch up, but Eren’s warm palm slipping into his with a reassuring squeeze made the words die on his tongue. Instead he followed them blindly into the town centre and to their first bar of the night.

 

 

It was drinking around town that Levi realised just how truly radiant Eren was, he seemed to know everybody and not only that, he was able to ease himself in and out of conversations so fluidly, everyone had a smile on their face when they spoke to him, Levi could visibly see how strangers were drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and how welcoming Eren was to everyone, never too busy to greet people, or have a catch up with an old acquaintance, yet even though Eren was bombarded by people left and right, he seemed to revel in it, draw even more energy from the interactions, smile infecting all those around him, and every so often when those brilliant eyes would fall on him, as he nursed his drink at the bar, he too would feel drawn, wanting nothing more than to drag Eren away, into a private corner where he alone could be privy to his contagious energy. Instead he’d always offer a soft smile, he didn’t want Eren to worry about him, this was his night after all, and he was more than acquainted with the idea of sitting alone at a bar.

 

Whilst not on the same level as Eren, Mikasa and Armin too seemed to know their fair share of people and spent their time subtly hovering in groups near Eren, weaving their way in and out of the crowd, always seeming to stop and speak to somebody as they moved. Levi didn’t miss the icy glares Mikasa was sporadically throwing his way, but he chose to ignore it. No sense in making things even worse, he’d already trodden on sensitive ground with Eren and he was still mentally chastising himself for it.

 

Turning to face the entrance of the bar, Levi occupied himself with mindlessly watching people enter and leave, taking small sips as he did so, constantly turning the glass in his hand. A warm presence suddenly appeared by his side and he’d barely turned his head when soft plush lips met his ear. “Are you going to sit here all night?”

 

Eren had sat on the stool next to him, hands clasped, hanging loosely between his open legs.

 

“I just didn’t want to suffocate you, you look like you know lots of people, I wanted to give you time to catch up.”

 

Eren’s brows drew downwards and he reached a hand forward, placing it on Levi’s arm.

 

“I wouldn’t have invited you if I wanted time away from you. Come meet people with me, I’d love to introduce you. I want people to know you’re mine.” He finished with a warm sweet smile spreading across his face.

 

Before Levi could respond, Armin and Mikasa appeared behind Eren.

 

“Do you want to move on to Mirage yet? Or shall we get in another round here?” The petite blonde questioned checking his watch.

 

Eren shook his head, “No, I’m good to go if you guys are?” He directed his question at his sister and friend, but looked back to Levi with a brow raised.

 

Levi merely finished his drink and pushed the glass away shrugging.

 

They said several quick goodbyes to some other patrons in the bar and made their way out of the door and down the street, the pulsing bass of the nightclub getting louder with each step they took.

 

 

The club wasn’t as busy as he’d known it to be previously, but the subtle push of strangers around him still led him to feel mildly uncomfortable. He gritted his teeth as they made their way to the bar and Eren ordered obscene amounts of shots for everyone. Downing a couple, he slid his card forward before anyone else could manage to pay and insisted that the bartender put all future drinks on his tab. Eren stayed close to Levi’s side, arm wrapped around his waist possessively, even as customers-excited to see him the other side of the bar-attempted to pull him away, pushed free drinks on him and invited him to dance, he still kept close.

 

They were sitting on the black couches, under the dim fluorescent lighting, leaning in to one another. Eren’s head resting on his shoulder. Hands intertwined and Eren playing gently with the tips of his fingers. Levi nursed the cheap bottle of beer, grimacing with each sip and wondering why he was even putting himself through the torture. His thoughts were interrupted by Eren nosing at his jaw, breath ghosting over his skin.

 

“Dance with me?” His voice was light and seductive, lips brushing over his neck as he spoke.

 

Levi glanced down at Eren, catching his bright eyes briefly as they looked up before flicking back down. “When have you ever seen me dance Eren?”

The only response came in the chuckle that he felt ripple over his neck, and Eren’s lips moving back up and across his jaw, leaving soft kisses in their wake.

“Go ahead, and I’ll watch.”

 

Eren placed one more kiss against his jaw, near his chin, before detangling their hands and standing up, striding towards the dancefloor with no more than a glance over his shoulder and a flirtatious wink.

 

It didn’t take long for women and men alike to flock to Eren, as he swayed his hips to the beat, hands running up and down his thighs, but he declined each one of them, only welcoming Armin, when the blonde walked onto the dancefloor, dancing slightly awkwardly, but to the rhythm nonetheless. Levi found himself lost watching Eren, delighted by the fact that the brunette couldn’t seem to stop looking at him, eyes raking all over him possessively as he rolled his hips teasingly, inviting him to come play. He found himself tense up though when a large group of girls surrounded him, trying to touch _his_ Eren, and he was about to intervene when a voice interrupted his building jealously.

 

“You don’t have to look so pissed off. He is gay after all, and even if he wasn’t, you wouldn’t need to worry so much, he’s besotted with you.” She said ending it with an indignant snort

 

“Just because he’s dating a guy doesn’t mean I would assume he’s gay. I’m not after all.” He said mimicking Mikasa’s voice petulantly.

 

Mikasa sat near him, a little too close for comfort. He could feel her staring at him, and chose to ignore it, keeping his vision trained on the dancefloor, taking another sip of his now warm beer.

 

“I just assumed you would know that basic information about him at the very least.”

 

He stayed quiet at the little dig, mostly because he was pissed off that it was true, he knew very little about Eren, and Eren knew even less about him and he was the only one to blame. He was the one erecting all the barriers in the relationship, he was the one constantly pulling Eren forwards and then pushing him back again.

 

“But then I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, since it’s clear you don’t know anything that’s going on.” Mikasa’s voice chimed back in, mocking slightly, but with an undertone of pity and fear that Levi was all too accustomed to.

 

He cut her a glance, lips pulled into a thin line, turning the bottle in his hand.

 

“What are you on about?”

 

She stared at him for a moment, before retraining her eyes on Eren, still on the dancefloor, laughing away with Armin.

 

“Please don’t tell me, that you’re so incompetent as a boyfriend, lover, whatever.” She gestured into the air. “That you haven’t noticed a change in Eren.” She paused, grimacing slightly, hands clenching into fists. “He’s not happy.”

 

Levi opened his mouth to interject, but Mikasa cut him off, still on her train of thought.

 

“We’re failing him. He needs protecting, and we’re not doing it.”

 

“Cut the crap Mikasa and just spit it out, cause I don’t know what the fuck you’re on about.” Levi was practically snarling. But there was that small unwelcome voice in the back of his mind that told him he did know, he knew all too well, but he wanted to turn a blind eye to it. Because addressing it, meant addressing parts of himself that he’d long kept hidden, and he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t.

 

“It’s our father, he was never particularly close with us anyway, but after Mum died he became-“

 

“Eren says he’s rather overprotective.”

 

Mikasa snorted, shaking her head slightly, “Is that what he told you? Typical Eren. Grisha is a real dick, but with Eren it’s something else entirely.”

 

Levi’s jaw clenched with the information he was hearing, thoughts reeling.

 

“Is he- Is he hurting Eren?” He didn’t even give her a chance to respond. “God I’ll fucking kill him.” He made to stand, but a sudden grip around his wrist made him pause. He turned to look Mikasa dead in the eyes, and was shocked by the emotion he found there, a far cry from the cold looks he’d been privy to all night.

 

“Sit down before you make things worse. He’s not abusive in the physical sense, but have you never wondered what a person like Eren was doing in a small town like this? Working a dead end job in a dingy nightclub? He’s so smart and determined and bright, people love him instantly, he could be anywhere doing anything, and instead he’s here, wasting away.”

 

“Way to shit on people’s life choices.” But his mind disagreed with his mouth, because he had wondered, wondered constantly what was holding the young man back from the all the things he wanted to do, he could see there was so much drive and ambition in the brunette, but Eren never took that next step.

 

“But it’s not his choice.” She hissed out. “It’s all the negative, self-depreciating thoughts that our father has put in his head. Why do you think I left?” She slumped back against the sofa. “But Eren won’t leave, because he doesn’t think he can, he’s stuck under his control, and if there was a chance he’d leave before, he won’t now.

 

She cut him another glance and he could hear the unfinished sentence, _he won’t leave now that he has you._

 

They fell into a silence, both watching Eren drunkenly twirl Armin on the dancefloor, the two of them collapsing against each other in laughter.

 

“So what now?” He prompted, gaze never leaving Eren. Offering a small smile when the brunette glanced in his direction, brows raised.

 

Mikasa hung her head, a frown etched deeply, marring her features.

 

“You can’t confront him about it, he always just brushes it off. Likes to think that he can handle it all alone.”

 

Levi snorted, he knew all about that. Knew how damaging that type of behaviour could be, and knew what it was like to do it anyway.

 

“Just- Can you keep an eye on him for me, just make sure he’s alright?”

 

Levi turned to face her for the first time, a single brow raised. “You could have just asked me that at the beginning.”

 

She smirked, a quick quirk of the lips and then it was gone again. “True, but Eren would never say anything himself and I think you need to know.”

 

Levi nodded, lips pursed slightly around the next words that were about to come out, he wasn’t sure how Eren would feel about him asking, but maybe this too was something he needed to know.

 

“So what’s the deal? Between Eren and your father?” He pressed

 

She slumped forward, elbows on her knees, raking her hands through her hair.

 

“That isn’t my story to tell.”

 

Their conversation was cut off by Eren practically skipping towards them, dragging Armin behind him. The brunette flopped down beside Levi, draping his legs over the raven’s, leaving Armin to take a seat the other side of Mikasa. Levi wrapped his arm around Eren’s waist, pulling the young man closer against him. Eren nuzzled into his neck briefly, before perking his head up and addressing all of them.

 

“Are we all ready to go? I’m beat. We could share a taxi, three stops right?”

 

“Two.” Levi answered hurriedly, without even realising what he was doing. He turned his head towards Eren’s and cupped the brunettes face, thumbs stroking gently across his cheekbones. He knew something had been up, and because he’d been so selfish, wanting to avoid opening up so much, that he’d let Eren suffer. He couldn’t do that anymore. Maybe he wouldn’t be able to let Eren know the darkness that settled in his soul, but he could protect him better, make himself more available so that Eren had somewhere to go.  “Stay with me tonight?” he pleaded, voice low, lips brushing against the young mans, teasing him with the promise of more.

 

“My sister” Eren whispered.

 

“I have a couch, and a guest room.” He continued stroking the soft warm skin of Eren’s face.

 

Eren smiled and nodded before closing the distance between them, lips pressing against one another gently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> As always, I love to have feedback, so let me know :)
> 
> Have a great rest of your week peeps!


	18. Happy Birthday Pt II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets the present we were all hoping for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a mini little filler chapter with zero plot and smut, because why not?
> 
> Also, this is barely edited, so I apologise in advance for that.

The taxi ride home had been uneventful, dropping Armin off, it just left the three of them and it hadn’t taken Levi long to silently show Mikasa to the rather sparse guest room. She didn’t appear put out by it though, if anything she seemed mildly shocked albeit grateful that he’d invited her to stay.

 

Now he lay in bed with Eren, limbs tangled, Eren half on top of him, head resting on his chest. He shivered slightly under the light press of Eren’s fingers tracing patterns absentmindedly over his abdomen. Eren’s weight shifted off of him, and suddenly the warm fingertips were ghosting lower and lower until they rested against the waistband of his boxers. “Levi.” Eren’s voice danced over his stomach, breathy and needy.

 

He glanced down to see Eren hovering over the growing tent in his boxers, eyes wild with delight.

 

“What are you doing brat? Your sister is in the next room”

 

Eren smiled at him, lips stretching over perfect teeth as he leaned down to nuzzle at his erection, inhaling deeply and smirking when his cock twitched against his face.

 

“It’s my birthday Levi, and I didn’t get what I wanted.” A pout appeared on the brunette’s face, before he bit his lip, looking up at Levi with hooded eyes.

 

Levi tried to reign his wavering control back in, but he was failing fast. The sight of Eren between his legs, looking so hungry and desperate was more than he could take. “It’s not your birthday anymore, it’s after midnight.” His resolve completely crumbled when Eren pouted even more.

 

He dragged Eren up towards him, pushing him onto his back roughly before crushing his lips against the brunettes, wasting no time in slipping his tongue into that warm wet cavern. It didn’t take them long to rid each other of their underwear, hips flush against one another, erections brushing teasingly, simultaneously not enough and yet too much.

 

“Hands and knees birthday boy.” Levi demanded, breaking their passionate kiss.

 

Eren complied hastily, limbs already trembling with anticipation.

 

Levi shuffled to rest behind Eren. He ran a hand up Eren’s spine, the firm pressure causing the young man to lower himself down to his elbows. He squeezed around Eren’s neck, the gesture soft and intimate before shoving his fingers into those silky chocolate locks and gripping hard, yanking Eren’s head back forcefully, making him arch his back sinfully. Levi’s breath hitched at the sight and he pulled Eren’s hips flush with his own, hard cock nudging between the brunette’s cheeks, earning a whine from the young man, which was like music to Levi’s ears.

 

“Patience dear.” He chided letting go of Eren’s hair suddenly, relishing in the soft pants he could hear coming from the young man’s mouth.

 

Leaning over Eren slightly, he retrieved the lubricant from the nightstand and dropped it onto the bed, before shuffling backwards and leaning forward, gripping Eren’s cheeks and pulling them apart, the firm mounds of flesh warm to his touch. He blew hot air over the brunette’s hole and watched it twitch before him, smirking, he brought his mouth down to the puckered skin and pressed a chaste kiss before licking a firm stripe up his crack.

 

Eren choked out a gasp, fingers gripping the sheets beneath him tightly as Levi began to work his tongue inside of him, the soft flesh wiggling against his hot walls, loosening him up, making him lose his mind before they’d hardly begun. It seemed only moments, before he was begging for more and he was rewarded with Levi’s breathy chuckle dancing over his entrance, as a slick finger was pressed inside, joined by another and a third when he didn’t let up with his pleading.

 

It seemed Levi was equally impatient because soon he was withdrawing his fingers, hands gripping Eren’s hips roughly, pulling him back and slapping his cock against the round cheeks of Eren’s ass. “I think you’re ready for this yeah?” Each question was accompanied by a teasing nudge against his rim, just the tip pressing against it before withdrawing. “You want it?”

 

Eren nodded,

 

“Say it Eren. Tell me.”

 

“I want it, I want you. Please Levi.” He begged shamelessly, choking on a relieved gasp as Levi filled him in one harsh thrust, bowing over his back, groaning lowly and pressing kisses between his shoulder blades. It wasn’t until Eren whined and rocked back, pressing Levi further inside of him that the older man straightened up and held tightly onto Eren’s hips as he pulled back, until only the tip was sheathed, before slamming back in, knocking all of the air out of Eren’s lungs.

 

They built up a hard and fast rhythm, Eren meeting Levi’s thrusts the best he could, moaning with each impact, trying desperately to hold them back, muffle them by pressing his face down into the mattress and failing spectacularly.

 

Levi seemed to delight in the fact that Eren couldn’t control the noises coming out of his mouth, each thrust becoming impossibly harder than the last, until the build became too much and they were coming together.

 

Collapsing in a blissful daze, they twisted their limbs together despite the mess they’d created. Levi showering Eren’s damp skin in lazy kisses and soft caresses.

 

“Happy birthday brat.” He whispered, kissing over a tan shoulder.

 

“It’s not my birthday anymore.” Eren chuckled back, before cupping Levi’s face and bringing in the older man for a sweet kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks so much for reading.


	19. Unknown number

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets a little taste of Levi's past, and our favourite raven haired man can't handle it at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter hurts my soul, and I hope it hurts yours too. 
> 
> Sorry not sorry.

Levi insisted on Eren staying with him, even after Mikasa returned to University. Brushed off the brunette’s feeble attempts at declining out of politeness, and dropped him off at the street near his house to pick up what he would need, before driving them both back. He drove away the scared part of his mind that told him that they should have some time apart, that it was too soon to be together constantly, but he shoved it aside because he couldn’t have Eren going back into the clutches of his father, not now that he knew that Eren was suffering at home.

 

He didn’t say anything to Eren though, just tried to pass it off as a neediness that he’d never previously displayed, he would bring it up when he felt the time was right.

 

They fell into an easy routine; the brunette cooking dinner most nights, they shared stories of their days over the evening meal, cuddled on the couch and relished in each other’s bodies in bed.

 

Levi found that when he got too overwhelmed by the proximity of it all he could retreat to the study under the premise of needing to do some work from home, or go for a long run. Eren never said anything in these moments, just let him go with a smile small, but Levi could see the fear in his eyes each time, and it only caused him to need space even more.

 

It had been several weeks of them spending day in and day out with each other, Levi had cleared space in his drawers for Eren’s possessions, and the brunette’s presence was more than evident the minute you stepped foot into the house.

 

                                                                                                                                     ~

 

Levi caught Eren fiddling with the spare key, when he returned home from work one evening, and the sight made his heart plummet, a sinking feeling settling uncomfortably in his stomach. “Hey brat. What are you doing?” He knew, he knew before Eren even looked up with that hopeful look in his eyes. His breath halted in his chest and he paused, frozen by Eren’s powerful gaze.

 

“I just thought.” The brunette toyed nervously with the key, eyes flitting around before resettling on Levi’s face. “I thought maybe I could just put it on my keys, I mean I’m here all the time anyway, maybe… maybe it doesn’t need to be a spare anymore. Maybe it could be mine.”

 

No no no no, he wasn’t ready for this. Levi knew that Eren was right, he was there every day, they slept in the same bed every night, lived in domestic harmony. But something about the finality of what Eren was suggesting, the permanence of it, rocked him down to the core. Scared him in a way that he hadn’t been in years. He wasn’t doing this, he was too much of coward to let Eren in fully, if he gave him this, then he’d lose control and he couldn’t have that.

 

He came forward, pressing a soft kiss to Eren’s forehead. “Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, ‘kay?” He hummed whilst gently prying the key from the young man’s fingers. Backing away he slipped it into his pocket and tried to ignore the disappointment in Eren’s eyes. The disappointment that he was clearly trying to mask with a false smile.

 

“Yeah, sorry. I was just being silly.” He said quietly, moving past Levi and into the kitchen. “I’ll just get dinner started.”

 

 

 

~

 

 

Eren looked over at Levi’s phone that was ringing on the arm of the sofa. “Babe, you gonna get that?”

 

He paused the dvd he was watching, listening for Levi’s response. “babe.” He prompted again, smirking when he heard the man huff at his nagging.

 

“I’m doing the dishes Eren, I’ll call them back later.”

 

The phone stopped ringing and Eren hummed satisfied, about to return to the film until the phone started up again almost immediately after it had stopped. He glanced over it again, opening his mouth to call out to his boyfriend once more, but Levi beat him to it.

 

“Just get it for me will you?”

 

Eren stretched across the sofa, grasping the phone and hitting the accept button, bringing it to his ear.

 

“Hello?”

 

_Who’s this, Where’s Levi?_

“Oh sorry, he’s doing the dishes at the moment. This is Eren, Levi’s boyfriend.”

 

A pause.

 

“Er, can I take a message?”

 

_No, let me talk to ya. I didn’t know lil squirt had a boyfriend. Tell me about ya self, you from England? That’s where he’s at, at the minute right?_

“Um yeah… I don’t really know what to say.” Eren wasn’t sure why he was blushing, he didn’t even know who he was talking to. Oh right, he didn’t even know who he was talking to!  


“Sorry to be rude, but who are you?”

 

There was silence on the other line, for a moment too long that had Eren checking he hadn’t disconnected the call.

 

 _Kenny, I’m the kid’s uncle._ The voice came after a while

Eren blushed even further, no wonder he spoke so familiarly of Levi, and suddenly he felt kind of giddy, having a piece of Levi’s life at his fingertips, when the older man was usually something of an enigma.

 

It was a few minutes later, that Eren found himself giggling at the childhood stories Kenny was telling him. Levi sounded utterly adorable as a child. Suddenly Levi’s voice garnered his attention.

 

“Eren, are you still on the phone? Who is it?”

 

“Your Uncle Kenny” he yelled back, barely breaking his conversation with the man in question.

 

A sudden smash from the kitchen drew his vision towards the other room, he was about to question if Levi was ok, when the man was in the archway, hands dripping, and eyes like murder. He was trembling, and his chest was heaving. “Hang up Eren.” His words dripped with ire, it was a demand not a request.

 

Eren stared open mouthed, the line had gone silent and he knew Kenny had heard Levi. “Wh-“ he could barely get his words out before Levi was striding towards him, snatching the phone out of his hands and terminating the call, glaring acidly at the screen before he threw it across the room, the phone smashing against the wall a resounding crack echoing through the tense silence. Levi stared at the wall where his phone had hit, breathing erratic, shoulders heaving with each breath, hands clenched at his side.

 

“What the hell Levi?” He approached the man with trepidation, as if he were a startled animal in the woods on the verge of fight or flight.

 

Levi didn’t move, breathing not slowing down, eyes out of focus.

 

“Levi.” He coaxed gently, hands hovering near the man, not quite daring to touch.

 

Levi’s head whipped towards Eren and he stumbled backwards, desperately trying to put some distance between them, not trusting himself when he was caught in the throes of his anger.

 

“What’s going on? I don’t understand.”

 

-“Drop it Eren”

 

“He sounded so excited to talk to you. Did you guys have a fight?”

 

-“Drop it Eren.” They were talking over each other, tension rising to uncontrollable levels, voices rising with it.

 

“I just don’t understand why you won’t talk to me about anything. If you told me things maybe I could handle it a little better.”

 

-“JUST FUCKING DROP IT EREN.” It was like a slap to the face, Eren felt the tears well up in his eyes as he took in the unadulterated rage on Levi’s face.

 

“God Eren, why can’t you just leave shit alone, you push and you push all of the fucking time. You promised me time Eren, this is not time, this you trying to get me to move at your pace, to pull out every part of my twisted soul and lay it at your feet and I can’t do it Eren, I don’t want to fucking do it…”

 

As Levi, continued to rant at him, hands tearing at his hair as he paced around and pointed fingers into his chest a memory came flooding back. _I don’t have a family-not anymore anyway, the only ones who are left don’t matter._ He had to break Levi out of this cycle, he had to make him understand that it was ok to open up, to talk about it. That he was there for him no matter what.

 

“Levi-” he tried to interject through the raven’s jumbled speech.

 

“Levi!” he tried again, reaching out to grab the older man’s wrist. It worked, causing him to pause momentarily before wrenching it free.

 

Eren had never seen Levi look in such a state, his skin had a fine sheen of sweat to it, his hair was wild from his tugging and his eyes were bloodshot and panicked. Eren held up his hands, in what he hoped was a calming non-threatening gesture. “I’m sorry Levi, I remember what you said about your family, but it’s ok to talk about it. It doesn’t make you weak, and I won’t think any less of you for what you say. I can help Levi.” He looked at him pleadingly, silently begging the older man with his eyes.

 

Levi’s head dropped, hanging between his shoulders, before he pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing harshly.

 

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ Eren.”

 

Eren sucked in a harsh breath.

 

“You just don’t fucking get it do you? Fucking ironic really.”

 

Eren furrowed his brows, what did that mean?

 

“You know what Eren, I’m not dealing with this shit. I told you I don’t want to deal with it. Can you-” He cut himself off, quickly looking up at him as he did so. “Can you just go please?”

 

Eren reeled backwards, trying to sort through what was happening. He didn’t know how he could help the older man when he was so determined to keep himself closed off. All he wanted was for Levi to be happy. “Yeah, sure. I could do with a walk anyway.” He turned to grab his iPod off of the mantelpiece.

 

“No.” Levi’s voice was soft, and full of shame. “Can you go home? Just for a while. I want to be alone.” He didn’t look at Eren as he said it, didn’t see Eren blink back the tears as he nodded imperceptibly and gathered his things, letting himself out with an audible click of the lock.

 

He knew what he was doing sending Eren back home, but in sitting down on the couch, head in his hands, he couldn’t bring himself to care. It was at that moment, he knew that he was just as much as a monster as Grisha, just a different kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading


	20. Precipice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's situation comes to an ugly conclusion, in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, 
> 
> I'm so sorry it's been so long, I won't bore you with any excuses, but I will say that updates from now will be much slower, however I promise I will never forget about this fic and I will finish it! 
> 
> Apologies for any mistakes in this, we all know how bad I am at editing.

It had been hours since Levi had asked him to leave, his fingers were numb, the tear tracks barely having time to dry before fresh ones made their way down his cheeks again. He was sat on a bench in a park not far from Levi’s. He couldn’t bring himself to go home, he hadn’t spoken to his father in weeks, and god knows what was waiting for him back there.

 

He fumbled for his phone in his pocket and dialled Armin once more, letting it ring on speaker, his heart sinking with each ring, until eventually it cut out, going to voicemail. He hung up. He had no choice, it was too short notice to take some time off of work and go stay with his sister, and he couldn’t stay out here all night. He’d have to go home and face whatever was waiting for him.

 

 

 

As he expected, the house was dark when he arrived, he crept in as quietly as he could, only flicking the light on once he was in his room with the door firmly shut. Everything looked the same, but it wouldn’t hurt to take a couple of precautions, just in case. He wedged a chair under the door handle, and looked at it briefly, wondering if he really was just being overly paranoid, but no. He no longer trusted his father in the slightest, and he wasn’t going to be taking any chances now that he was back under his roof.

 

He padded over to his bed and pulled back the covers, freezing as he took in the morbid sight.

 

There were dozens of photos, all of him and his mother, littered across his bed, but in every single one- he bent forward and picked up a photo gingerly, grimacing as he traced the edges, hands shaking. His breath was stuck in his throat and his stomach was churning uncomfortably- in every single photo his face had been burned out.

 

In a fit of fury and despair he desperately clawed at the photographs, throwing them all from his bed before collapsing on the mattress, hunched over, head in his hands as he sobbed silently. What did he do to deserve this? Wasn’t losing his mother punishment enough?

 

He cried until he fell asleep from the exhaustion, eyes swollen and lips chapped.

 

 

 

 

Somehow he’d managed to avoid his father for three whole days, if it wasn’t for the horrid mementos his father was leaving for him, he’d think he wasn’t even around. He’d seen plenty of his step mother though, and noted that she looked rather ill and she seemed most displeased that Eren had returned. They barely spoke, but when they did it seemed that she was always inquiring if Eren would be staying long. “It’s just, you always seem to be off somewhere these days, I’m merely curious.” She had said. Eren thought it was more that she didn’t want to deal with the increased level of craziness of his father, and it was clear that Eren was the direct cause of that.

 

Believe me, I don’t want to be here; Eren thought as he lay on his bed, gaze focused on the ceiling. The chair was wedged underneath the door handle again, and he’d not spoken to Levi since the older man had asked him to leave. He thought about him every moment, he fingered the edges of his phone and contemplated calling him, quickly dismissing the thought. Levi clearly needed some space, he’d have to wait for the older man to initiate contact.

 

Armin had returned his calls, informing Eren that his grandad had been rushed into hospital, and he’d been spending all his spare time there with him. Eren had assured him that nothing was wrong, and he’d just been calling to talk. Armin didn’t quite seem to buy it, but let it go nonetheless. Eren figured it was only because he had so much to deal with.

 

It was on the sixth day when he finally came face to face with his father again. The man had merely scoffed at Eren and shoved past him, giving him no further attention.

 

The silent torment continued though, Eren found the majority of his clothes destroyed, cut up into ribbons, his shoes covered in spray paint, and what smelt like paint thinner soaked his bed.

 

He barely slept, and when he looked in the mirror he could see how the weight was falling off of him. His skin looked dull and he’d never seen the circles under his eyes so dark before. He thought about spending all of his savings on a hotel and staying there, but if he wasted it all, he’d be back to square one, and he only needed a little more before he could look into getting a place of his own.

 

It was on day eight that he was finally fed up of checking his phone every chance he got, only to be constantly disappointed when it showed no contact from Levi. He decided to just turn it off. Maybe Levi was done with him, maybe he’d pushed the man too far. It’d always been a bit of a battle between the two of them, but all he wanted was for the older man to let him love him.

 

He was doing so poorly within himself, that his managers at both jobs were expressing concern. Everybody wanted to know what was going on, but he didn’t even know where to begin, so he brushed it off every time. He was just _tired_ he said. And it was true, he was so exhausted of everything, physically and mentally, he wasn’t sure how long he could go on like this. He’d have to do something, but he felt so lost, that he didn’t know what to do.

 

 

 

 

He stepped through the door, after a full day at the menswear store and immediately bumped into his father who looked like he was getting ready to leave.

 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, trying to edge around him, but his father blocked him.

 

“I’m real tired of your behaviour Eren. You disgust me.”

 

Eren sighed, letting his head hang, he didn’t want to provoke his father any further.

 

“You don’t come home, you don’t even speak to me for weeks, weeks on end Eren and now you think you can swan back in here and take advantage of my generosity?!”

 

Eren bit his tongue at that. Feeling the rage rise, and suddenly he felt more energetic than he had in days.

 

“You’re an adult Eren, I don’t have to put you up anymore, but yet I do so with kindness, even though you don’t deserve it.”

 

“Kindness?” Eren scoffed. He couldn’t believe his father. “You haven’t been kind since Mum died. I’m surprised you even remember the meaning of the word.” Suddenly his father’s hand was fisted in the front of his shirt and he was being dragged towards him, his face looming menacingly close to his own.

 

“You don’t talk to me like that Eren. Whose fault is it that she’s no longer here?”

 

Eren wrenched himself free, shaking with unbridled emotion. “Don’t… just don’t. I already hold enough guilt over that, you know I do. I can’t change the past, but it wasn’t all my fault. And you can’t use grief as an excuse to be a dick forever, you can’t use that as a reason to be a pathetic excuse for a father. Mum would be ashamed of you. I hope to god there’s no afterlife, because if she could see you now she’d be sickened.”

 

It took him a moment to realise what had happened, the resounding crack almost echoing in his ears, as he gripped the banister at the foot of the stairs, holding himself up. Adrenaline was coursing through him and he stared at his father in disbelief. His father had thrown him across the hall and hit him, he’d actually hit him. He raised a trembling hand to his cheek, and felt the warmth of the damaged skin under his fingertips; pressing a little harder he winced at the tender sensation.

 

His father stood there, eyes darkened with rage and he still seemed in the midst of it, fists clenched at his side, shaking.

 

Eren eyed the front door that his father was now blocking, but before he could formulate a plan, his father was moving towards him. He brought his hands up, desperately trying to protect himself, but it was all in vain. His father had him by the hair, wrenching his locks painfully, as he rained blows upon him with his free hand, he cried out in pain as fists met his face and ribs. He kicked and squirmed desperately, dug his nails into his father’s arm, trying hopelessly to release himself from his clutches.

 

In his struggle he managed to kick Grisha’s legs out from under him causing him to come tumbling down on top of Eren. Eren scrambled out from underneath him, kicking at the hands that tried to pull him back, panic setting in as he lunged for the front door and bolted out onto the street.

 

He didn’t look back as he ran, not paying attention to anybody he passed, just kept running until his limbs gave way underneath him and he sprawled along the pavement, the hard ground ripping layers of skin from his palms and gouging holes in his knees as the fabric tore on his trousers. He rolled onto his back, breathing hard, taking a moment to raise his head and check his surroundings and when it appeared he was alone he dropped it back and lay on the floor until his breathing finally slowed. After what seemed like hours, but had only been mere minutes, he dragged himself up; body sore and stiff, and he walked without a destination in mind, he knew he’d never be going home again.

 

 

 

Levi switched the Bluetooth speaker in his car off with a sigh. He’d been trying to call Eren for the last two days, but it went to voicemail every single time. He tapped the steering wheel, wondering if Eren had blocked his number. It’d be no less than he deserved. He’d been an absolute jack ass, but he couldn’t handle Eren prying about his uncle. He sighed again- he seemed to be doing that a lot lately- he couldn’t even drop by the boy’s house, only knowing the general area he lived in. Eren never had told him which street or house it was. The window wipers were frantically swiping across his windscreen, damn weather reflecting his mood perfectly.

 

He pulled into his street, and as he rounded the corner his headlights moved across a figure huddled on his doorstep. His heart lurched in his chest. Was that Eren? Hurriedly parking the car, and dashing out, leaving his belongings in the back seat, he approached the figure.

 

Their head was down, tucked into their knees, arms wrapped around themselves protectively and they were shivering.

 

“Eren?” he questioned, it was dark, being so late at night, but he was sure it was him. As he reached the figure, he knelt down, placing a hand on the soaked hair.

 

“Eren” he said again. He had no doubt it was the young man now, but what was he doing sitting out here in this ridiculous weather?

 

“What are you doing out here?” he spoke softly, and tried coaxing the brunette to lift his head.

 

Eren didn’t budge, but he did speak, voice muffled. “The spare key’s gone.”

 

_Shit._ He never did put it back.

 

“Ok, let’s get you inside come on.” He dragged Eren up, but the boy kept his head down, tucked into a rather bedraggled scarf.

 

Levi unlocked the door and ushered Eren inside, quickly stripping his coat and hanging it up, whilst switching the light on. Eren’s back was to him and he wasn’t moving. He just stood motionlessly, wet clothes dripping on the floor.

 

He tried tugging Eren around to face him, but the brunette wasn’t having any of it, so he squeezed past him, and came to stand in front of him, a gasp leaving his lips as he caught sight of Eren’s face. He reached up to tug the scarf down and froze as he took in Eren’s beautiful face, now marred by swelling and purple bruises spreading down from his left eye and across his cheekbone. His lip was split, and his forehead was scratched. More bruises painted his jaw, and as he removed the scarf he saw further marks down his neck.

 

He tried to fight the bile that rose in the back of his throat, and the anger that was building inside of him. He swallowed once, twice. Trying to find his voice.

 

“Wh-what happened?” He raised his hand to Eren’s brow and stroked across it, jerking his hand back as Eren winced under the light pressure. “Sorry, but oh god Eren. What happened?” he asked again, beginning to remove Eren’s coat and laying it aside to be washed later.

 

Eren opened his mouth, but he only croaked and his eyes filled with tears, Levi took a step closer and took Eren’s hands in his own, pulling him back a couple of steps, until they could sit on the stairs.

 

They sat in silence for a few moments, tears running gently down Eren’s face, until he finally found the courage to speak. “My father” he whispered, head dropping in shame.

 

Levi’s grip on Eren’s fingers tightened considerably, and he found himself trying not to let rage cloud his vision, but he was absolutely livid. “What?” he grit out

 

“I-he.” Eren swallowed again, blinking furiously, swollen eye struggling. “We got into an argument, and- and I said some awful things and then he hit me.” Eren heaved in a deep breath before explaining everything, words spilling out unbidden. “He just lost it, I don’t know, I’ve never seen him that bad before, he wouldn’t stop. I was so scared that I wouldn’t make it out, but I managed to get away somehow- and I-I ran… here.” His chest was heaving when he finished, as if telling the story was physically exerting for him.

 

All of a sudden Levi was standing, and detaching his fingers from Eren’s. The brunette followed the movement, shifting his body slightly and wincing at the pain it caused. “Where are you going?” he asked, watching Levi put back on his sodden coat.

 

Levi didn’t say anything as he zipped up the jacket and patted down his pockets. “To see your father. Stay here.”

 

Eren lurched forward, grabbing onto Levi’s sleeve with all his might. “No you can’t, please Levi, don’t.”

 

Eren almost cowered under the hate he could see simmering in Levi’s gaze, even though he knew it wasn’t directed at him. “You don’t even know where he is, and you can’t do anything. You’re in the military Levi, if you do something and you’re found out you’ll lose your job and you’ll have to go back to the States.” He was rambling now, mind scrambling with panic, as Levi was tugging himself free and unlocking the door.

 

“I don’t care Eren, you think I’m going to let somebody hurt you like that and get away with it?” After all, it was you that put him in that position in the first place, his mind supplied. The least he could do was avenge Eren to atone for his mistakes.

 He placed a foot outside and froze at the wracked sob that left Eren’s body.

 

“Please don’t leave me Levi, I need you here. Please.” He was on his knees, tears streaming down his face.

 

Levi grunted, pained by the distress in Eren’s voice, he retreated back inside the house and closed the door, coming to a crouch in front of Eren, brushing wet strands away from his forehead. “Ok, I’m sorry. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” He slipped a hand into Eren’s and pulled the man gently to his feet. He led Eren to the living room and sat him down on the couch, before disappearing and returning a moment later with a damp washcloth and a mysterious bottle of liquid.

 

Sitting next to Eren, he angled his body towards the brunette’s, and sighed looking over the poor boys face. “We need to get you into a hot bath, but let me try and clean up some of these cuts a bit.”

 

Eren remained silent, but leaned towards Levi slightly, signalling his permission. Levi poured a little of the liquid over the washcloth and proceeded to wipe it gently over the cuts on Eren’s face, grimacing at the little hiss that the young man let out each time the cloth touched a new cut.

 

After a few moments, Levi placed the cloth upon his knees and gently cupped Eren’s face, looking over the man with concern in his eyes. “This is all my fault.” He whispered under his breath, not intending for Eren to hear, but the look of horror in the younger man’s eyes showed he did.

 

“No, absolutely not.” Eren snatched Levi’s hands in his own. “I should have been honest about what was going on at home, I could have asked for help from my friends, but I thought I could deal with it. This is no one’s fault but my own.”

 

Levi glanced down, unable to meet Eren’s gaze for the moment, chewing his lip as he was overcome with guilt. Because he’d already known what had been going on, to an extent, and he sent Eren back anyway and now Eren was paying the price for it, and trying to take the blame all upon himself. Looking back up, he squeezed Eren’s hands tightly. “No, if anyone is at fault, it’s your father.” _And you_ his mind supplied. “Have you called your sister yet? Or Armin?”

 

Eren winced slightly, and shook his head.

 

“You should call them. They deserve to know.”

 

“I know, just not right now.” Eren’s voice was weak and tired.

 

Levi nodded, temporarily dropping the subject.

“Come on, let’s go run you a bath.” He pulled on Eren gently, coaxing him off of the couch and leading him upstairs.

 

 

Eren closed his eyes, as he lay back and let the searing hot water soothe the aches in his muscles. Listening to the ripple of water, caused by Levi’s fingers as he leant over the edge. He cracked one eye open and took in the stunning vision that was his boyfriend, both arms resting on the edge of the tub, as he watched himself leave patterns in the water’s surface.

 

“I’m the one who got beat up you know, no need to look so pained.” Eren tried to joke, but the false laughter quickly died in his throat as Levi’s eyes met his own, and he saw tears threatening to spill. Levi blinked them back, and lowered his head once more, fingers still trailing in the water.

 

They didn’t speak for the remainder of the bath, Levi silently helping Eren out, once the water turned cold. 

 

Eren should be endeared by the fact that Levi was so adamant about taking care of him; helping him get dressed, holding ice to his swollen eye, plying him with pain killers and small amounts of food, but really he was too exhausted to feel anything about it. He just blindly followed Levi’s instructions, having no energy to protest, and figured the sooner he agreed the sooner he could go to sleep. Maybe if he was lucky, he’d wake up and discover this whole thing was a nightmare. A pitiful chuckle left his lips, and he watched as Levi pulled away the ice compress slightly, raising a brow in question.

 

Eren shrugged his shoulders in response, and tried not to flinch as Levi pressed the ice back to his eye.

 

“The swelling is pretty bad, but it’ll go down with time. I think tomorrow we should take you to the hospital, get you checked out just in case.”

 

Eren stared at the floor, watching his socked toes wriggle against the plush carpet.

 

“I have work tomorrow.” It was a pathetic excuse, he knew he was in no fit state to work, but he just wanted to pretend that things were normal.

 

Levi removed the ice once more, stalking out of the bedroom, before returning empty handed.

 

“You’re not going. I’ll phone them if you don’t want to, but you can’t go to work like that Eren. Besides there are more important things to address.”

 

Eren hung his head, he knew Levi was right, but he just couldn’t quite wrap his mind around how messed up things had become in such a short period of time. He leaned into the sudden, yet soft touch of Levi’s fingers running through his hair, closing his eyes he willed himself not to shed anymore tears. He was done crying.

 

It wasn’t long before they were crawling underneath the covers of Levi’s bed, the older man holding Eren gently in his embrace, pressing soft kisses to the tan skin. Stroking his hair, coaxing the younger into what he hoped would be a peaceful sleep.

 

 

Levi never slept much anyway. Years of issues keeping him up, and then the harsh military training that left him ready to be alert on a moment’s notice, always tense and wary of potential danger, turned him into a true insomniac. Tonight was worse though, he lay still, practiced deep breathing techniques, everything they teach you about creating peaceful sleep patterns, but each time he closed his eyes the guilt swarmed in, drowning him. He shifted slightly, feeling the brunette in his arms stir momentarily, breath hitching before it evened out again. He’d committed a great many wrongs in his life, but this had to be the greatest. Sending this beautiful man into the hands of a monster, into someone he knew was causing him harm. He couldn’t drive the thought from his mind, that perhaps if he was a little bit braver, if he could let Eren in just a little more, into the festering hole that was left of his heart then this wouldn’t have happened. Eren wouldn’t look so broken, the light wouldn’t be gone from his eyes and tears wouldn’t be coating his cheeks. If he was just a little more normal, if he wasn’t so damaged and twisted, then maybe he could love Eren back the way he deserved to be loved.

 

And so he lay there, mind tormenting him, holding the brunette close until daybreak, when he managed to slip from the bed soundly, leaving Eren to bury himself further under the covers.

 

 

 

He was vaguely aware of a light feathery touch in his hair, and light just a shade too bright to the side of his face. He was warm, and for the first time in weeks he realised, he wasn’t afraid. He cracked an eye open, stretching out slightly as he took in the sleep blurred face above him. Levi was brushing strands of hair away from his forehead, tucking pieces behind his ears.

 

“Sorry for waking you, but I didn’t think it’d help you to sleep all day.” The older man spoke softly, voice low and gentle.

 

Eren stretched his limbs once more, bones cracking slightly as he did so. He shifted his weight, propping himself up on his elbows, blinking a couple of times to clear his vision from sleep.

 

“What time is it?”

 

“A little after one.”

 

Eren grunted, and swung his legs out from underneath the covers, pushing himself up with his hands until he was seated right on the edge of the bed. Levi’s hand in his hair all the while. Suddenly his eyes went wide and a panicked gasp left his lips. “I didn’t call work.” He fumbled for his phone on the nightstand, pausing when Levi gripped his bicep firmly, pulling his arm back.

 

“It’s sorted.-I found the number online” he tacked on at the quizzical expression on Eren’s face. “You’re going to eat, then we’re going to the hospital, and then I really think you should call Armin and Mikasa.”

 

Eren nodded, as much as he like to crawl back under the covers and pull Levi with him, he knew that there’d be no arguing with the older man. “Just- Can I shower first?”

 

Levi hummed in agreement, and went about getting Eren fresh towels and more clothes to wear.

 

“Wait!” Eren gripped Levi’s arm, as he passed the towels across “Why aren’t you at work?” He couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to realise that the older man wouldn’t usually be here at this time of day. Did he… did he take time off to take care of him? Guilt wracked Eren and he nibbled on his bottom lip.

 

Levi reached forward and tugged Eren’s lip away from his teeth. “Don’t worry about it, wash up and come eat.” He said pressing a chaste kiss to Eren’s lips.

 

Freshly showered, and feeling infinitely better than the night before, Eren made his way into the kitchen where he found Levi plating up a sandwich, which was promptly passed to him along with a glass of juice and some more painkillers.

 

Eren swallowed uncomfortably, the bread sticking to his throat on the way down. “You don’t have to watch me eat, I’ll be ok.” He chanced a glance at Levi, who was stood, arms crossed over his chest, looking like he was feeling indecisive. Suddenly the man nodded and ducked down pressing a brief kiss to his forehead, before returning and clearing away the supplies he’d used the make the sandwich.

 

Eren ate, feeling slightly less restricted now that Levi wasn’t hovering. He watched the man flit about the kitchen as he shovelled in the last bite and washed it down with the water, deciding to forgo the painkillers for now. He didn’t feel too bad considering, and he’d rather save them for when he really needed them.

 

Levi returned to collect Eren’s plate, and opened his mouth to protest at Eren not taking the medication.

 

Eren beat him to it though, placing his hand gently over the top of Levi’s, he squeezed, looking imploringly at the man. “Levi, I know I went through some shit, but I’m ok, really. I don’t need you to baby me. I just- I want you to act like you normally do around me.”

 

Levi sighed, and tangled his fingers with Eren’s, squeezing them tightly. “I know” he breathed. “I’m sorry- It’s just, this is difficult for me too Eren.”

 

“I know Levi, but it’s ok. I’m- I’m going to be ok.”

 

 

The ride to the hospital was only disrupted by Eren’s quiet directions.

 

Stepping into the reception area, Levi gently steered Eren with a hand on the small of his back.

 

“Hi” he politely greeted the woman manning the desk.

 

She looked up and scanned both of them, eyes lingering on Eren’s face a little longer, but expression betraying nothing.

 

“How can I help?” she asked, shuffling some papers around and stacking them off to the side.

 

“We just want to get him checked out.” Levi explained, looking at Eren as he spoke. “We’re pretty sure they’re just superficial injuries, but we thought it best to seek professional advice.”

 

The woman nodded and passed over a clipboard and pen. “Sign in here, we’re pretty quiet currently, so you’re looking at maybe a twenty minute wait. However if a patient comes in with symptoms that are more threatening than yours, they will be placed ahead of you.”

 

The boys both nodded, and Eren hastily scribbled his details across the form, sliding them back across the desk when he was done.

 

“You can have a seat over there, and they’ll call your name when they’re ready.” She gestured to a cluster of chairs huddled around a large low level table, a couple of televisions mounted in the corners of the wall.

 

Levi and Eren sat, Levi only now removing his hand from Eren’s back and instead placing it on Eren’s thigh, squeezing reassuringly. They waited in silence, Eren constantly trying to force himself to relax, but failing spectacularly. He didn’t know what he was so worried about, but he just felt on edge. He supposed it was because he never imagined he’d be in such a position. He glanced briefly at Levi, whose vision was focused on one of the televisions, displaying the news headlines across the screen.

 

He was glad he was here, helping him through all this. Although things had been a bit unstable between them as of late, he wouldn’t want anyone else to be the one to support him. Letting out a heavy breath he leaned his weight onto Levi, relishing in the smooth response of the older man, moving his arm around his shoulders to pull him in close to his side.

 

 

 

“Eren Jaeger?” a strong voice called out

 

Eren immediately perked up and locked eyes with the doctor who’d called his name. She was a small, slim built woman with an ash blonde bob. Her oval glasses slipped down her nose slightly as she rose a brow at him, raising one petite finger she pushed them back up. Eren stood up on suddenly wobbly legs and took a step forward before looking back at Levi questioningly.

 

Levi hadn’t moved a muscle since the doctor called Eren’s name. He knew the protocol. He wouldn’t be allowed in the examination room initially. They’d want to speak to Eren regarding the circumstances of his injuries without outside influence first. For all they knew he could be the one who’d left Eren in such a state. It wasn’t unheard of for abusers to accompany their victims to the hospital.

 

He opened his mouth to explain to Eren, but the doctor beat him to it.

 

“Actually Eren, I need to see you alone to start with, but your friend can come in afterwards ok?” Her gaze had softened a little, and she tilted her head slightly, gesturing to the office door just out of sight.

 

Eren tore his gaze away from Levi and followed, somewhat reluctantly.

 

 

He sat tentatively on the examination bed, medical paper crinkling underneath his weight.

 

“Would you like one of my colleagues to be present for the examination?”

 

He shook his head, the less people the better.

 

“Ok Eren” she began. “My name is Dr Brzenska. I’m going to start the examination now and you can tell me to stop anytime, alright?”

 

He nodded, closing his eyes as he felt her begin to touch around the bruises on his face.

 

“So…” she paused, fingers gently assessing the swelling around his eye. “Do you want to tell me how you got these?” Her fingers fell away from his face and he opened his eyes slowly.

“Do I have to?” She smiled softly, before bringing a light out of her pocket and clicking it on.

 

“No” she shook her head as she spoke, soft bangs brushing across her forehead. “But I can help you more if you do.”

 

Eren said nothing, only stared at her until he felt uncomfortable and eventually lowered his gaze to the floor. He didn’t really know what to say. There was nothing she could do about the situation anyway, and he was worried if he spoke about it he’d start crying again.

 

“Ok, can you look up for me please?” She waited until Eren had complied before holding up a finger. “Great, follow my finger please.” She shone the light into his eye and moved her finger slowly. “Brilliant, same again please.” Switching eyes, she performed the same movement again before clicking the light off, seemingly satisfied.

 

“Any bodily injuries?”

 

“Um some.” Eren admitted quietly.

 

“Ok, shirt off please.” She turned around for a moment, rapidly typing on her computer.

 

Eren pulled his shirt off over his head, and held it in his lap. Awkwardly waiting for her to resume the examination.

 

She eyed the bruises, and began prodding gently.

 

“So what do you do for work Eren?” her fingers worked their way down his ribs, smoothing over each bone, checking them for damage. Apologising quietly as he winced under the light pressure upon occasion.

 

“I bartend, and um work in clothing sales.”

 

“Wow that must be interesting, having such different jobs.” She switched, checking the other side before sitting back again, and rapidly typing on the keyboard once more.

 

Eren shrugged, uncertain if she could even register it in her line of sight.

 

“You can put your shirt back on.” She said without looking at him. “Any other injuries?” she questioned, shooting him a quick glance.

 

 

Eren shook his head before tugging the shirt back on over his head, biting back a groan as he stretched his arms up.

 

“So you enjoy work then?” she prompted again, tone gentle and soothing.

 

“Yeah, it’s good, I enjoy it. Just wish it paid a bit more.” He said quietly, not really understanding the purpose of this conversation.

 

“Oh?” her interest seemed piqued. “Are you saving for something special?”

 

Eren stared at her intently for a moment, maybe this was just normal bedside manner? Maybe she was trying to make him feel more comfortable before she got down to the nitty gritty.

 

“I’m saving for my own place.”

She nodded in an approving manner. “That’s brilliant. Having your own space is important.”

 

She paused, glancing at the computer screen briefly. “Who do you live with currently?”

 

He bit his lip, “I don’t… I don’t really know if I’m honest. I’m kind of staying with my boyfriend for the time being.”

 

She hummed in acknowledgement before questioning. “The man in the waiting area with you?”

 

He nodded, a smile creeping on his face at the thought of him.

 

“How’s things with him?”

 

His smile faltered a little, before he forced it back again. “They’re good.”

 

She raised a brow at him, before reaching into a drawer, placing something face down on the desk, just out of his sight.

 

“Does he tell you they’re good?”

 

“What?” His brow furrowed. He was beyond confused at this point

 

“You said things are good, but you don’t look like you really believe that, so I’m wondering if it’s your boyfriend telling you that things are good, that things are normal?” she was leaning forward now, looking deep into Eren’s eyes.

 

He narrowed his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re insinuating, but all couples go through rough patches. That’s all, things are fine.”

 

“And these, rough patches.” She waved her hand in the hair, “what do they entail?”

 

He said nothing, mouth twisted in a frown. “Does he ever get angry at you?”

 

His eyes widened as he finally understood what she was trying to uncover. How could he have been so slow? “Levi isn’t the one who did this to me. You don’t need to worry about that. I won’t be seeing them again.”

 

She stared at him for one moment, then two, before finally relenting. “Alright then. I want you to take these.” She passed across a small pile of leaflets.

 

As Eren shuffled through them, he could see it was some information on counselling, the rights of abuse victims, and self-defence lessons.

 

“Do you want me to call your boyfriend in?”

 

He nodded, quickly folding the leaflets and shoving them into his back pocket.

 

It was only a moment until Levi was at his side, pressing a lingering kiss into his temple.

 

Dr Brzenska sat back down on her chair, hands folded in her lap, watching the boys carefully.

 

Levi turned his gaze towards her and nodded.

 

“So, everything looks ok. No signs of any concussion. The bruises and swelling will all go down with time. It looks like your ribs are bruised, but I want to send you for an X-ray, just be sure it’s not a fracture… Other than that, I think you just need to rest for a few days, and you’ll be fine. Just bear in mind the information I gave you.” She gave Eren a rather poignant look before standing. “I’ll go and prepare the X-ray and then come back to get you.”

 

As she strode out of the room, Levi pressed another kiss to his temple, resting his nose in the soft locks of hair.

 

“Information?” he questioned.

 

Eren felt his shoulders drop as he sighed. “She was trying to figure out if it was you that hurt me, and then she gave me leaflets on abuse victims and counselling.”

 

Levi ran his hand down the expanse of Eren’s back, resting at the base of his spine where his fingers played idly. “hmm, figured as much. That’s why they always see you alone to start with. They don’t want you to be afraid to speak out if you happen to be here with your abuser.”

 

Eren nodded numbly, tucking his face into Levi’s chest. He was starting to feel exhausted, and he really just wanted to go home and lay in Levi’s arms.

 

 

The X-ray had been a simple process, and had indeed confirmed that there were no breaks or fractures. He left with a doctor’s note, signing him off for a week, tucked into his back jean pocket.

 

 

Once back at Levi’s, he sat silently on the couch, fiddling with the edges of his-Levi’s- sweater.

He felt the sudden warmth of Levi’s thigh pressed against his own as the older man joined him. There was silence, for a moment and then two, before he felt, more than heard, Levi sigh.

 

“Are you going to call Mikasa and Armin now?” the raven haired man prompted gently, taking Eren’s hands within his own.

 

Eren closed his eyes, feeling the roughness of Levi’s fingers run over his own fingertips in soothing motions.

 

“I guess.” He shrugged, standing abruptly and heading upstairs, his phone still on the nightstand, still switched off.

 

He brought it back downstairs, somewhat reluctantly. He knew he needed to tell them what had happened, he knew they’d be able to help and support him, but he just felt so ashamed by the whole thing, so stupid for turning down help before.

 

Levi hadn’t moved from his place on the couch, looking at Eren gently. Eren sat down next to him once more, cradling the device in his hands, staring down at the black screen for a moment, before powering it on.

 

“Well that explains a lot.” Levi muttered under his breath, feeling a simultaneous rush of relief and guilt at the same time. Eren hadn’t blocked his number, but he knew that if it wasn’t for him, Eren wouldn’t have switched his phone off in the first place.

 

He raised his gaze from the device, watching it as the screen came to life, to find Eren staring at him questioningly.

 

“I’d been trying to call you, but I obviously couldn’t get through.” Levi supplied, shrugging simply.

 

Eren’s face twisted and darkened for a moment as he turned away.

 

“Hey, don’t do that.” Levi grabbed the brunette’s face, turning it towards him as gently as he could. “Don’t beat yourself up. This is not your fault, none of this is your fault. I can see you berating yourself, so stop it.” The words were firm but gentle, and Eren chewed on his lip before nodding and returning his attention to the phone as it began buzzing incessantly in his hand, days’ worth of notifications coming through.

 

He ignored the myriad of social media notifications, swiping them aside with his thumb, and clicked on the message icon, looking at the daunting amount of unread messages.

 

There’s a few from people at work, colleagues, managers, expressing concern, but telling him to take his time coming back. It makes him wonder exactly what Levi said when he called, but that thought is promptly shoved to the back of his mind as he looks at the message right at the top, from his sister. He clicks on the thread and swallows thickly as the chat opens up.

 

**From Mika:**

Eren, do you want to come up here for a while when I have summer break?

 

**From Mika:**

??

 

He reads the next message, sees that it’s a day after

 

**From Mika:**

Tried calling you, it goes straight to voicemail. Is everything ok?

 

**From Mika:**

Eren please, I am freaking right now. Armin said he hasn’t spoken to you in days!  


**From Mika:**

What’s going on?!

 

 

**From Mika:**

Armin went to your house, said Grisha refused to say anything other than he didn’t know where you were.

 

**From Mika:**

What’s going on Eren? We’re worried, and neither of us have Levi’s number. Please, just let us know you’re ok.

 

The last one Eren noticed, was only from this morning.

 

**From Mika:**

I’m coming home

 

He bit his lip, shifting slightly next to Levi, the other man was looking at the messages over his shoulder, brushing the hair away from his face gently. “Call her” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. Eren nodded.

 

“I will, I just..” he trailed off, clicking out of the thread with Mika, and selecting the one from Armin.

 

**From Ar:**

Is everything good bud? Mika says you’re not responding to her and your calls go to voicemail.

 

**From Ar:**

I know you’ve got a lot going on, but should I be worried?

 

**From Ar:**

Ok, I’m starting to get concerned. I haven’t heard from you in over a week now, Mika is freaking and I went to your house and your dad was really strange about the whole thing. Says he has no idea where you are

 

**From Ar:**

Are you with Levi?

Is everything ok?

Eren, just tell us so we can stop panicking

 

**From Ar:**

 

I’m trying to find Levi’s house, based on Mika’s description, but I’m not sure. Eren are you ok?

Please

 

**From Ar:**

Mikasa is coming home, we’re going to call the police. I’m sorry Eren, but I don’t know what else to do.

 

He breathed out a harsh sigh, and pressed down on the call icon whilst still in Armin’s chat thread. He gave Levi a weak smile as he felt the older man ruffle his hair and leave the room to try and give him some privacy.

 

“ _Eren, Eren is that you?”_ Armin’s voice was wild and panicked.

 

“Yeah it’s me Ar. I’m sorry.”

 

He heard Armin’s breath leave him in one fell swoop.

 

_“Oh thank **God** , are you ok? What happened?”_

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m sorry. Well… actually, I’m not that fine. I-” He cut himself off, feeling tears begin to prick at his eyes

 

_“Eren?”_ Armin prompted softly, patiently.

 

“I, I er got into with Grisha and he- he attacked me. I should have seen it coming really, it’s been building for months now, and I just ignored all the signs, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I switched off my phone a few days before it happened, and then afterwards I ran to Levi. He’s been taking care of me. I’ve only just turned my phone back on.”

 

There was an uncomfortable silence, only broken by the distorted cackling of the phone connection.

Eren fisted his hand into the sofa cushions, waiting, he wasn’t sure why he was so terrified of what Armin would say.

 

He heard the blonde swallow, take in breath as if to speak, but nothing came.

 

“Say something.” A thick swallow of his own. “Please”

 

_“I am so sorry Eren, but Jesus, why didn’t you come to me? To Mika. We could have helped you. You’re… You’re not going back right?”_

Eren winced at the hurt in his friend’s voice. “No, of course not.”

 

_“Ok… have you spoken to Mika yet?”_

 

“No” Eren croaked out, ashamed.

 

**_“Eren”_ **

****

“I know, I know. I’m calling her right after you. I just- I couldn’t face her first.”

 

Armin made a soft sound of understanding, tinged with pity, or maybe it was guilt. Eren couldn’t quite tell, he just knew that he didn’t like it.

 

“Can I come over tomorrow? Are- he swallowed- are you busy?”

 

_“Of course you can come over Eren, you never have to ask. No matter what’s going on. You never to ask. We’re family.”_ And Eren could hear what he was really saying. Could definitely hear the guilt in his voice that time, because Armin clearly felt that he’d never made Eren understand that before.

 

“’Kay. I’m going to phone Mika now.”

 

Armin hummed, and they ended the call quietly. Eren stared at the screen blankly for a few seconds before heaving in a deep breath and locating Mikasa’s contact and pressing the green call button.

 

It had barely rang once before it connected, and he could hear Mikasa scrambling on the other side

 

_“Eren, oh my god, are you ok?”_ Her words came out rushed in one breath of air.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m ok.” He said sheepishly

 

_“Jesus Christ Eren, you better tell me that you were abducted by goddamn aliens or something- I mean fuck Eren, what the hell- You just went awol for a week, nobody had heard from you or knew what was going on-”_

 

“Have you left yet?” he cut her off. Squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

 

_“What? Oh, no, I’ll be leaving in a few minutes, I just had to sort a few things out first.”_

 

“Don’t come down.”

 

_“Wh-what? Er-”_

 

He cut her off again before she could force him to reconsider.

 

“Look, I’ll explain everything, but don’t come down, you’re in the middle of your term and I don’t want you to get behind on your work. There’s not a lot that can be done and I promise I’ll come up and visit you soon, but just- just don’t come down today.”

 

There was silence for a moment, then a rustling down the line, followed by a sigh.

 

_“What’s going on Eren? You never used to shut me out like this?”_

 

“I’m not shutting you out Mika”

 

_“Eren”_

 

It was his turn to sigh,

 

“It was… Grisha.”

 

There was a sharp intake of breath from Mikasa, in all the years, no matter how rocky their relationship, Eren always referred to Grisha as his Father, so the fact that he was now calling him by his name, she knew something was seriously wrong. She remained silent though, knowing her brother needed to get the words out in his own time.

 

“I’m sorry, I should have told everyone sooner. I should have admitted that I needed help, that I was scared. I let everything build and escalate, and in the end he attacked me.” The tears were streaming down his face now, and Levi had come to stand next to him, running his fingers softly through his hair and wiping the tears from the cheek that the phone wasn’t pressed to.

 

He hiccupped trying to get out his next words. “I-I’m ok, L-Levi is looking a-after me, and there’s no s-serious damage. I’m o-ok.” He let out a shuddering breath and closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of Levi grounding him. Holding him together more than he knew.

 

_“Where was Levi during all of this?”_

 

“Wh-what?” he stuttered out, brows furrowing in confusion.

 

_“ **Where** was Levi? The last time we spoke you’d been staying with him, why were you even around Grisha?” _

 

Eren pulled away from the comfort of Levi’s hand, face twisting sourly. “Levi and I don’t live together Mikasa, I had to go home sometime.” He shot Levi a quick look of embarrassment and was surprised to register a look of uncertainty in his eyes.

 

_“Fucks sake. I told him to look after you and he just lets you waltz back in there.”_

 

“This isn’t Levi’s fault, don’t blame him Mikasa.” He was hunched over now, head hanging as he clutched at strands of his hair. Unaware of Levi leaving the room on shaky legs.

 

 

 

Levi leant over the sink in the kitchen, fingers gripping the edge of the counter, knuckles white.

He felt nauseous. Mikasa was going to tell Eren everything, and Eren would feel so betrayed, as he had every right to be, and then- then- he didn’t know what. He could still hear Eren’s side of the conversation clearly, and he wished he couldn’t, because every word he heard was like a stab in his gut, only stirring that sickening feeling in his stomach even further.

 

“I don’t care what you say Mikasa, Levi has been here for me. More than you have, you left remember. Don’t bother coming back, I don’t want to see you.”

 

He hears soft padding of feet and knows that Eren had disconnected the call after that

 

He turns, trying to make himself appear less tense as Eren enters the kitchen and stops a short distance from him.

 

“Sorry ‘bout that.” The brunette mumbles. “Are you ok?”

 

Levi huffs and shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. The important thing is are you ok?”

 

Eren opens his mouth to say he’s ok, and pauses. Because he’s not, far from it. He wishes he was, but for the first time he’s realising that telling everyone he’s ok doesn’t make it true. He keeps pushing people away and it’s not helping. None of what he’s doing is helping, and what scares him the most is he doesn’t know when he will be ok again.

 

He shakes his head and opens his mouth as the first sob racks through him, and suddenly Levi’s arms are around him, pulling him flush against his chest and holding him close. And it’s in that moment that he thinks, that as horrid as some of his experiences have been, if they’d been the things to bring him to Levi, to this warm embrace, then he could cope with them.

 

 

 

 

They’re cuddled up on the couch, swaddled in fluffy blankets and it’s rather reminiscent of their early days together. There’s some comedy film on the t.v. but Eren isn’t paying attention. He’s zoning out, mind swamped with repetitive thoughts of what his next step is, what the plan is now. Where does he go from here? Levi’s fingers are entwined with his, buried under the blankets.

 

Levi squeezes his hand in a way that he knows the older man is looking to start a conversation.

So he glances up questioningly from his place, tucked into the space between Levi’s shoulder and jaw.

 

The raven haired man licks his lips quickly, and sits up slightly, disturbing the cocoon of warmth they’ve created. “I wasn’t trying to listen to your conversation, but er- did you say you’re going to Armin’s tomorrow?”

 

Eren stroked his thumb across the back of Levi’s hand and hummed affirmatively.

 

“Would you have any issue if I went to work tomorrow?” Levi seemed uncharacteristically nervous.

 

Eren too straightened up. “Of course, Levi I don’t expect you to stay with me. I can’t believe you’re not at work today as it is. You won’t… you won’t get into trouble will you?” He asks, nibbling on his lip, feeling slightly bad that he hadn’t checked with Levi earlier.

 

The older man shook his head. “No. It helps to have friends in high places. However, I should go in when I can, because then it’ll be easier for me to have time off when you really need me to.”

 

Eren stretched and pressed a soft kiss to Levi’s jaw, cupping the man’s face in his hand as he brought his lips away from the smooth skin and rested his forehead against where he’d kissed.

 

“Erwin?” he questioned, assuming that must be Levi’s friend in a high place, although from what he knew, Levi wasn’t that far behind in the chain of command.

 

Levi nodded, and turned his head slightly, running his nose along Eren’s.

 

“I’ll be leaving early in the morning then. I won’t wake you” – Eren opened his mouth to protest.

 

-“Because you need the rest, I want you to rest properly.” Eren closed his mouth again and nodded. He thought for a brief moment.

 

“Um, what about the spare key then? I’ll need it, in case I’m done before you’ve finished work. Are you”- he paused, chewing the inside of his cheek harshly, barely able to meet Levi’s gaze. He felt like the key was the catalyst to it all, the key and the phone call. “-Are you keeping it in the same place?”

 

Levi shifted again, angling his body towards Eren, head down. “Actually, I thought maybe it doesn’t need to be a spare anymore.”

 

Eren’s breath hitched, and his vision began to blur. These were the predecessors to the words he’d dreamt about hearing for ages.

 

“Eren, you should have it. It should be your key, to… o-our house.” Levi lifted his head and met Eren’s shocked gaze.

 

As their eyes met, Eren’s unshed tears began to fall, distorting his vision further. This was everything he wanted, so why did it feel so wrong? It was tainted, bitter. Blinking to clear his vision, he saw why. Because in Levi’s eyes he found the answer. He pulled his hand away and abruptly shoved himself back on the sofa, the blankets pooling around his waist.

 

“Why are you doing this to me?” he croaked out, blinking at the shakiness of his voice.

 

Levi’s brow furrowed slightly, a confused expression drawing over his face.

 

“What?”

 

“Why are you asking me?” Eren’s voice was wavering, straining with emotional distress.

 

“I thought this was what you wanted Eren.” Levi was floundering, he didn’t know what to do. He’d summed up the courage to ask, to finally let the young man in. He’d never imagined that Eren would be reacting like- like this. Although he couldn’t really say what ‘ _this_ ’ was.

 

“That’s the problem right there Levi.” His voice suddenly exploding, thick with unshed tears and an angry rasp underneath. “I don’t want you to ask me because you think it’s what _I_ want. You should ask because it’s what we both want, because we love each other so damn much that the very idea of spending another night apart sickens us. You should ask because you want us to create a home, build a life together.” He breathed heavily, eyes darkening as he spat the bitter words. Clenching his fists, he squeezed his lips together briefly, nostrils flaring as he prepared to continue his rant. “Don’t ask me because you pity me, don’t ask me out of guilt, because it won’t help us in anyway and I deserve better than that.”

 

Levi had leant back slightly as Eren had argued against his offer, although his voice wasn’t raised, he could hear the venom and anger within it all, and he was so confused. Didn’t Eren see why he was doing this, didn’t he understand?

 

He parted his lips-

 

-Eren watched as Levi processed everything he had said, he was trying to calm himself, but he was struggling. Every time he looked at Levi and saw the guilt that was etched onto his face, it clawed inside his chest, working its way up to his throat squeezing tightly until he felt breathless, and he wondered if that guilt had been there all along, and he’d just been too out of it to notice. He thought back to his phone call with Mikasa and how angry she’d been with Levi, little by little he was piecing it together.-

 

“Eren, I’m asking because I care about you. You must know that. I don’t want you going back there, not that you would, but I want you to feel like you have somewhere to go, somewhere that’s yours and not just a place you’re staying. Because I _care_ about you. You know I do. Isn’t that just the beginning of the reasons you mentioned. Caring is the start of all that, I- I can’t say those words you want to hear, you promised me time, and I’m working on it, but I can’t say them just yet.”

 

“Did you care about me before this all happened?”

 

Levi blinked twice in quick succession. Eren was catching him off guard a lot today. “Huh?”

 

“It’s a simple question Levi. Did you care about me before the incident with my father?” Eren’s voice was cold and flat now, his mouth a thin line as he pressed his lips tightly together.

 

“Of course I did. I have done for a long time.”

 

“Then why didn’t you say yes, when I proposed the idea?”

 

Levi was scared, his heart was pounding and his throat was dry, it was like watching from the outside, he could see exactly where this was going but nothing he said could change it. He hadn’t even answered Eren when the next question was being spat out towards him.

 

“Did you know?”

 

Levi’s stomach dropped, and a hot molten grip twisted his insides slowly. He opened his mouth, closed it again, scared at what he saw behind Eren’s eyes. “I’m not sure what you-”

 

“Did. You. Know. About my father?” he grit the words out slowly, placing a dangerous emphasis behind them.

 

Levi swallowed tightly. His hands were trembling and that twisting grip on his insides was working its way up to his chest. His face felt hot and for the first time in a long time, he was wishing he’d never come to this country, because then he wouldn’t be in this mess.

 

“Well that tells me everything I need to know.” Eren scrambled within the blankets, trying desperately to throw them off, previous eerie calmness replaced by clear distress. Once he’d managed to successfully push all the blankets off he stood abruptly.

 

Levi snapped back to reality, he’d been in a haze during the silence. “Eren, wait. It’s not what it seems like.” He was scrambling too. “Mikasa told me you had an unhealthy relationship with him, but neither us knew exactly how it was unhealthy.” He was standing now, breathing in short fast bursts. “I think I had an idea, but you never spoke about it, and I was too scared to face the truth because I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was playing a part in your turmoil. I kept telling myself you were fine, because that’s what you would tell me and that way I could keep you at a distance still. I was so afraid of letting you in, I- I still am, but I don’t want you to ever go through something like that again, so if I have to bring down my walls to make that happen, then I will.” He wrung his hands together.

 

Eren had turned mid speech, his back to him and he appeared frozen. “So you asked out of guilt?” he asked quietly, back still turned.

 

“That guilt is there because I care about you Eren. More than I’ve cared about anyone in a long time, maybe ever.”

 

Eren slowly turned his head to meet Levi’s gaze over his left shoulder. His bright eyes were glistening with tears. “I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight.” Then he was stepping forward, Levi was stumbling forward after him, reaching out, but Eren tore free from his grasp and rushed upstairs.

 

Levi stood, legs trembling as he listened to the tell-tale click of the lock on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you aren't too mad at me. 
> 
> I promise things will get better, somehow...


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